MY PERSONAL CHAOS THEORY

I have always been told – “you seem to find order in chaos”.?Well, to be exact that’s my mother talking to me about the state of my bedroom as a teenager.? And to be sure, most of my colleagues at work sometimes also muttered this to me under their breath.?Why?

This random thought made me write this article.?I realised that we all have our own CHAOS THEORY, on how things pan out, and why things happened the way they did.?Some are more prone to making rash decisions, and others more to the side of caution, when it comes to making life altering choices for themselves.

My life has been chaos, meets the scales of balance… for most of my existence.?Allow me to explain.

I have a creative, free-spirited side that is my bravado behaviour.?The side of me that feels like it can take on the world, cause it has no choice, but to.?The maverick, the rebel.?Then, there is the side of prudence and stoic correction. ?So, for these two forces to continuously battle it out when it comes to reactions, interpretation and engagement is an affair of epic background dialogue in my head.

At times the 3rd party… me, gets involved.?So, in a way it is like living with opposites on two ends, and you are "man in the middle"!?

The upside of this is that I have been privy to exposure on both sides of the extreme. it yielded amazing experiences and growth. It seems now, in my 40’s, that these two parties are respecting my opinion in the matter a little more.?Things are calmer now in Tanya’s mind, heart, and spirit.?

Why am I telling you all this??Well, simply put so that you can make peace with what was, the past. And with who you are fundamentally as a person, warts and all.

We sometimes tend to look back into that cracked rear view mirror and get stuck on berating ourselves for not making smarter choices in the past. But the joke is on us, as hindsight is 20/20 vision.? How can you be angry at the person you were back then, who was none the wiser? And we never know how things pan out in future if we did make the choice we think we ought to have made.? It’s like picking at a thread of material and pulling that string without knowing if the whole garment will be ruined. It's an illusion really. We control so little.

Fact is this, we live in a world that has gone topsy-turvy, and we are still recovering from the blood rush to our heads. ?We have to adapt now, to what it. And it is not all bad.

I am a firm believer that in the end, all things happen as they should.?You only have the power of controlling the immediate moment, and nothing else. But in that, lies the secret to the chaos you will uphold, unfold, or undo in life.?Either way, you have the tools to ride that storm or calm waters - whatever may come.

Hope this article means something to those readers who completely “get” my intention with this article. ??Chaos served me well these last 44 years.?It’s become a friend.