My Path From Failure to Agile in a Decade

It is becoming very common to see articles, posts, and images applauding failure that leads to success. I am glad for it and I would like to pivot on the trending idea - failure is part of a cycle that increases agility.

In 2020, Agility is popular with over 200 certifications and 13 certifying alliances. I have a few of those certifications, but my agile mindset did not come from a 2 day class. It's a vulnerable story exposing my failure, depression, self-sabotage and coasting, forgiveness - and finally - an aggressive zeal for chasing challenges and change with failure and feedback loops. It's a ten year evolution - and it's still adapting.

It started in 2007 - I failed. Professionally, I dropped out of academia and graduate school. There were also personal failures that year, and despite Brené Brown's challenge to us for vulnerability - I will limit this article to my professional failures. That said, the 2007 year of failure in all realms fits in holistically to the story.

The Failure

I really hate admitting that I dropped out of graduate school. I have never lied to an employer, but I certainly avoid the topic. It was my first taste of total failure. I had been very successful in undergraduate school, my first jobs, and the Peace Corps. The metrics for success were easy for me to understand and navigate through - they were verifiable, tasks were done or not done, and I could measure improvement.

• X assignments for Y grade
• X attendance for Y paycheck
• X fish farmers raised Y pounds of fish for Z cash

Graduate school and a thesis or dissertation was obtuse to me, and I could not understand how to succeed. I flailed. I floundered. I failed.

Not everyone sees the disaster in this story. To me, I had glued my identity together with academia and leaving that affiliation meant I was broken. I had quit my own identity of being an intellectual academic and now I was left trying to understand what self remained on a new path.

I obtained a job, and I remain grateful for that opportunity. Yet, I suffered from depression and hurt from my fall. I did not have safety nets, so I simply had to continue through the injury.

The Coasting

I started the self sabotaging habit of coasting. I avoided -

1. challenging work,
2. risky ventures,
3. learning new skills,
4. or any exposure to failure!

Unfortunately, I chose to coast for several years. I was broken and unwilling to risk another injury. After years of therapy, reflection, healing - I did find ways to comfort myself for failures and even rejoice in some windfalls that happened because of my new path in life. I am amused that I wrapped that into one sentence - but hey - it's social media and I have read the stats about how much of the LinkedIn article is skimmed.

The New Challenges and Acceptance of Failure

When I was able to comfort myself through failure and realize the value that failure had created, then I was able to gently pursue small risky projects. Over time, I grew less timid and challenged myself in greater ways,

• I guided my community through a successful campaign against commercial creep in our neighborhood.
• I pursued new skills outside of my workplace and pursued certifications even though my employer did not think they were relevant to that job.
• I learned the social media networking associated with modern job searches and writing Pain letters.

In 2007, I was rigid and fragile and I became broken. In 2017, I was leading the general population in flexibility and openness to change according to a cognitive profiling test. I remain uncertain that the nuances of my cognitive self can be surmised so easily - BUT the profile did report that I was very open and accepting of change.

I now pursue projects that may fail - and now I am responsive to change and I am an Agile Enthusiast. I hope my story can encourage others to find value in their failures, expose themselves to more failure, and become limber.

What is Next?

Yet, I've been postponing the launch of LinkedIn articles.

• Have I been coasting again?
• Am I too comfortable as a Scrum Master?
• Do I sit comfortably in the realm of Agile with the level of domain knowledge I have?

As an Agilist, I transparently offer this article and seek an opportunity to inspect and adapt.

• What was done well in this article?
• What can be improved upon?
• What actions ought I take to continuously improve my articles?

Thanks for reading,

Stephanie McCormick - Purveyor of Agile Enthusiasm and Harbinger of Continuous Improvement