My MUST-PLEASE-PEOPLE-IN-AUTHORITY Buttons Got Pushed Today!
Dr Tess Crawley, PhD
Clinical Forensic Psychologist | Director, The Crawley Clinic | Business Coach | Author | Winner, Leadership & Management Excellence Award 2024 | Finalist, Psych of the Year 2024 & 2019 | Finalist, Tas Writers Prize 2024
No matter how much we grow in life and in business, there will always be things that trigger that “small” version of you.
You know, the you that felt scared once upon a time?
The you that preferred to stay safe and hidden?
You know, THAT earlier version of the stronger you.
So today, my “people pleaser” buttons got pushed. And when that happens I typically react in one of two ways.
1. I over-compensate to please the people.
2. I rebel and refuse to care whether or not the people are pleased.
Today it was about my kids, not my business, so I found myself swinging wildly between the two options.
Why did it matter?
We made the decision recently to home educate our kids. For lots of really valid reasons after lots of effort, stress, and tears (mostly mine) trialling other options.
And today was the day that we were to meet with someone very lovely from the education department. The aim was to see if we need any support, brainstorm any issues we’ve faced, that sort of thing.
Even though the goal was support, my inner people-pleaser firmly smashed the AM I GOOD ENOUGH alarm, and it was ringing loudly in my ears!
I’m guessing you’ll recognise that feeling. Because you’re a hard-working, conscientious, goal-driven, vulnerable, risk-taker too.
What are my strategies for dealing with situations like this?
1. Acknowledge it - “Oh there you are, pesky voice that I’ve not heard in a while”
2. Don’t judge it - “Hm, this is probably pretty normal for home educators at this stage of the journey.”
3. Get busy - “How about you focus on what you can control (whether there are any undies lying around the house) rather than the things you can’t (what others think of me).
You could apply this to business so easily.
Every time someone who’s opinion you respect has an “opinion” about your business.
Every time someone chooses another business to work with instead of yours.
Every time a team member decides it’s time to move on.
Every time you get one of those “interesting comments” on social media.
We all face this need for approval in various ways, especially when we are business owners. All our vulnerabilities come to the fore, right?
I think I’m almost as sensitive about my business (my third “baby”) as I am about my kids sometimes. Because really, it’s all about being “good enough”, isn’t it?
So, here’s a word to the wise:
YOU.
ARE.
GOOD.
ENOUGH.
And I absolutely have faith in you.
Much love,
Tess x
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