My Movember story - what I can teach you about depression and anxiety in 4 minutes.

Hi, my name is Rich Webber. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since teenage years and as I end my first movember attempt (which is pretty feeble) I feel I should do my little bit to explain to those who haven’t suffered from depression how it can feel and what you can do to help and support.?

The next few bullet points clearly do not do the subject justice, but I know we are all time poor so hopefully you will find something useful here.

?1 – Depression is not being depressed; anxiety is not being anxious – it feels like you have caught a disease. Jimmy Carr describes it as feeling like your head is full of concrete. You cannot say “I am depressed because of [insert any one thing – job, family etc]”.?You just are. It robs you of motivation in every part of your life. You are no longer in control of your mind.?I felt like I was being taken over by something else – and it was absolutely petrifying. Your kid’s birthday – pointless, Christmas, holidays – zero motivation – what is the point in living??Combine it with anxiety and literally every tiny decision you make during the day fills you with dread.?

?2 – Guilt – depression fuels guilt. Particularly when you have so much going for you. You get frustrated because from the outside you can see your great life, you have so many people trying to help you – but you still don’t feel happy. Have you ever had a dream when you are trying to run and your legs just will not move? That’s similar to depression.?You don’t want to be a burden to your friends and family, you feel guilty for not being happy when you have ‘everything going for you.’?In the end some people feel so guilty they literally pull the trigger.

?3 – Suicidal thoughts – suicide is not the easy way out but it kills more men under 45 than anything else. Thankfully, I have not tried to end my life but I would be lying if to say it hasn't been a consideration in the past. When you hug your loved ones tonight, imagine the pain you would have to be experiencing to kill yourself, thinking they’d be better off without you.??

?4 – You feel physical symptoms?- where do I start??At one point I would wake 10 times a night.?Anxiety symptoms such as racing heart, sweats, dry mouth, body aches, brain fog, exhaustion, all can be triggered by such everyday events as picking my son up from school or going to Sainsburys.??You know it is illogical but it’s scary and fear feeds fear to make it even worse.

5-?With help you can get better - I am now in the happiest place I have ever been (figuratively – I am not actually on a beach) – but it takes work. I believe depression was telling me something about my life, and who to be, that I needed to work on self-care and prioritise what matters.?I feel lucky; I was forced off the hamster wheel but I have to work at it every day.?I don’t work all hours, I meditate, and I have actually starting liking, or loving myself.

?How to help!!– again my own views but by reading this you are helping, you really are. You clearly give a s**t.?For me, the biggest thing that helps is knowing people care about this stuff. Read a book like Matt Haig’s Reasons to Stay Alive, do a mental health first aid course, listen to a podcast. Statistically you will know people who have a mental health problem, who have self harmed/ eating disorders/ depression/ anxiety.?It’s good to talk.?Thanks for listening and I hope I haven’t brought you down too much - there’s the anxiety again ??

If you are experiencing mental health problems, there are people who can help – please contact Samaritans on 08457 909090 or MIND on 0300 123 3393 Text 86463