MY MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB Written by Teresita Rudon

• The settings of this story is a location with a storybook name, known as Cinderella Town.?In a section of this town all the streets were named off the different Saints.?In one particular corner, the Saints and the fairy tale character, Cinderella, converged and there is where we lived. Our address was St. Joseph’s and St. Peter’s Streets, Cinderella Town.

My family was large, nine girls and one boy, of which three of the girls are adopted. Were we a handful for my parents??I mean is the Pope a Roman Catholic??Hell yes we must have been terrors (laugh out loud).

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My childhood years were happy times.?My parents loved gardening and animals. So our home corner was alive with flowers, fruit trees, three dogs and a cat.?We were constantly playing. With our size family, we never ran out of company to play.?But the downside to that is we fought a lot too.?We were?a family with a lot of energy yet, somehow my parents just?knew how to let us spread our wings, while at the same time, keeping a watchful eye on us.?Mom and dad were also musically inclined.?On weekends, my dad played in a band.?He played a mean clarinet and saxophone and my mom was a coloratura soprano. She sang at musical concerts. Her voice was so sweet and when she hit those high notes, I am sure the heavenly angels welcomed her voice to blend with theirs. Music was the food of life in our happy home. Shakespeare was right when he wrote, ‘if music be the food of life, play on’.?Even up to today, when I mention my mom’s name, the delightful statements shared about her lovely singing is always a joy to hear.

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Now, as far back as I can recall, I’ve always felt as if I was born ‘old’. I say this because I had a habit of listening and retaining everything that happened around me. At first, I was rather curious about it because I did not see the same in my siblings.?Oftentimes I had strong feelings of ‘déjà vu’. I remember there were many instances when I felt I had been at a certain place before or when I was at?spot leaning against a building, I felt I knew that place. Then too, as unbelievable as it may sound, I remember mentioning more than once to my mom that I did not want her to die before me.?Why as a child should such a thought ever cross my?mind? She used to smile and quite calmly reassured me that would never happen.?Then in her motherly tone she would admonish me for being too young to think such thoughts and shoo’d me away to go and play with my sisters.

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So it came as no surprise to me when my mom fell ill.???I was ten years old when she died. That was when my world suddenly caved in and I began climbing my imaginary mountain.??You see, for me, my mom was like no other. She was such a beauty. She worked so hard apart from her job as a store clerk.?She was skilful in crochet, embroidery, knitting and sewing. At the time, I never ever associated her skills as a means for earning more money. She never gave any indication to her children that she was labouring to make ends meet. All I knew, I so enjoyed keeping her company and chatting endlessly, while admiring her handicrafts. Looking back, the short period with her was glorious. Ballet classes were fun, Christmas was like no other with the rich aroma of cakes coming from the oven and the costumes she made for us for our school’s Nativity pageant. Easter was always a delight, playing the game of searching for Easter eggs in the garden.

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I am certain that the wind went out of my sails when I lost my mom and a great part of me went with her. I can still see her lying on her bed so very still, like a beautiful porcelain doll asleep. It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. And I could hear this voice crying out,?‘why mommy, why, please wake up mommy, wake up’. That voice was mine.

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But the bond forged between my mother, and I was lasting. I am sure that when she went, my tendencies to be tenacious and driven were her lasting gifts to me.

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The years crept by, and time seemed to have a cruel way of easing the nostalgia and pain with new challenges.?The first was when I was 14 years and my dad shocked us by his decision to remarry.?My siblings and I were all huddled together to hear what he had to say with our heads bowed, desperately grabbing support from each other.?My hands were clenched so tightly that my knuckles were bone white. At the time, I was so na?ve as to the reason for this madness of bringing a stranger into our home.?All I knew I didn’t like her and I hated my dad.?Our house was not a home. Everything felt surreal as we simply went through the motions. The next, was what I can only describe as a typical day for us.?Our ‘stepmother’ you see, made sure she got up early so as not to collide with any of us while she prepared her husband’s breakfast. This was the same for the other meals. Their marriage in essence was a one-bedroom affair and we communicated with our dad through closed doors.??When I think of it now, how ironic that we lived in Cinderella Town, we no longer had our mother, we had no bond with this strange person, now our stepmother, and the happy atmosphere had disappeared from our home.?The only difference to the Cinderella Fairy tale was we had no kind fairy godmother. The third was when my dad and his wife moved out and wished us well.?Oh, he told us all the right things of course.?But nothing could change the fact that my siblings and I were on our own.??This was when we realized we could choose to be a tree and take root, going nowhere, or we can move forward.?But the tear jerker for me was when my only brother went on his own, followed by my eldest sister and my three adopted sisters.

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I can tell you that facing life with courage was like wearing a freshly tailored suit.?There were so many instances to face, that the suit never got out of style.?My mountain, no matter how hard I tried was so daunting. I dreaded looking up because it was like climbing a wall that was caving down on me. Did I cry? Yes! Was I afraid? Very much so! Nevertheless, with a huff and a puff, I made it or so I thought.?

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?I guess some of us are lucky to be born with gold spoons in our mouths and never experienced the trials of life. Others were destined to paddle their own canoe. As I got older, a semblance of sanity in my life took over.?The bitterness somehow faded and I was able to concentrate on me.?I knew if I wanted to realize my dreams, I had to reach out to empower myself because so far, I was barely making ends meet.?It was gut-wrenching to know that it wasn’t enough what I knew, it was also who I knew and who knew me.?Well, guess what, I need to let you into a secret.?Being exposed to society in a manner I could only describe as ‘sink or swim’, I grew up learning from the school of hard knocks. I had a really difficult time making friends.?I was your typical wallflower.?Who on earth did I know that had substance – I could think of no one.??This bothered me greatly to the point that I became anorexic.?I just knew there had to be more to my life than the miserable existence that was eating me alive. The only people who knew me were my siblings and how does the saying go? Misery loves company. Poor things, they were just as lost as I was.

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At long last, did I say I was working??Indeed, I was.??It was no pot at the end of the rainbow, but I made some beautiful friends.?They were medical doctors and their families. Their friendship and love were everlasting.?To this day, I credit these friends as the solid platform that has propelled me forward to where I am now.?I guess action speaks louder than words and these doctors saw something in me.?It was so magical how I changed?and blossomed under their care.?I had forgotten what it was to smile. And they made me laugh until my eyes filled with tears and my belly ached It felt so good.?These beautiful doctors encouraged me to seek a better job.

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I was fortunate to inherit a voice that could carry a fair tune, and this was the game changer in my life. There was this choral group of some 100 individuals, who at the time was listed as the Who’s Who in society. What is said about ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’??Well, I dared to venture. And I gained!

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I joined the choral group and befriended the Chairman of one of the biggest firms. It was the bravest thing I ever did,?when I took up the courage and asked him for a job and I got me a job in a firm that was going to pay me 15 times more the present salary I was making!?All I could think of was I will be RICH!??And the rest is history…….

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Now, I am a mom, walking in my mother’s shoe and now fully understand and realize the choices she made and what she went through for her family.?Words will never be able to state how much I loved my mother and I know for a fact that I am the person I am because of her.??I’ve come to realize that if I had given in to my weakness and allow my bitterness, anger and worry to overpower me and pushed me to alcohol, drugs and loose living, if I had not challenged myself for development and growth when I was down, if I had not persevered, no matter what, my mountain to climb would have been unsurmountable.??I learnt that -?Life comes with many punches. But it takes a great deal of courage to stand up and in doing so, you gain strength and confidence to take anything that comes along. I learnt that I am better for my experiences and no better measuring stick is there to guarantee one success. But most of all, my pride and dignity are intact, and much respect is given me. And no one will ever take that away from me.??

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Mom, I miss you dearly. But somehow, I know you are happy where you are. You have two beautiful grandsons, and they are mischief personified. You would have loved them mom. I see things much clearer now and if I had the chance, knowing what I know now, perhaps I would have done some things differently. But at the time, i guess I played the cards dealt to me the best way I knew how. I hope I am making you proud and am doing as good a job for my family like you did for us.?Oh, and one more thing, I bought our family home and I still live at St. Peter's and St. Joseph's Street, Cinderella Town. We have two dogs and a cat and a beautiful garden too. My love for you has no ending mommy.......

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And as to my mountain to climb,?WHAT MOUNTAIN?