My money and our money

Pooja and I married young by today’s standards. We had been working for a couple of years at that time. And thanks to my banking job, I had a little bit saved. But Pooja had been a journalist, a garib patrakar.

I don’t recall a discussion on how we would manage our money - together or separately. But this is a question Shantanu Kumar and I routinely ask when couples come aboard as clients. The best answer, of course, is “My money is my money and his money is our money”.

Pooja has always groused that the liabilities have all been in her name - car loans mainly. And the assets have all been in my name.

In my defence, she was gainfully employed and I had been an unemployed youth for many years. Banks find it hard to distinguish between the unemployed and struggling startup founders.

We have corrected this imbalance over the years but it takes time. You don’t want to sell investments and pay taxes just to reinvest it in your spouse’ name. But in spirit, our money is our money and there is no “my money”.

Not everyone follows this approach. Many couples like to keep their money separate.

Shantanu and I typically suggest the following: Treat all your money as a single portfolio - it is easier to structure the portfolio that way.?

Keep about equal amounts in both names for reasons of access and tax efficiency. There is nuance to this based on income, tax bracket etc. of each partner. One size does not fit all.

We aren’t very big on joint investments. Joint investments can be operationally cumbersome.

With close friends and family, I go a step further. My advice is to commit fully to the marriage. That is the whole point of getting married - what is mine is yours. The spirit in which you approach money questions is more important than whose name the money is in. The worst sin is secrecy - if you need to keep money secrets from each other you have bigger problems.

The last and hardest part of this story is when couples separate or divorce. Acrimonious separations are costly - emotionally and financially. We are now in emotional and legal territory and I don’t have much financial advice to offer.

But I will say this: don’t give up and give in. I know women, and sometimes men, will give up their rightfully financial claims to avoid a fight. I have seen this in all kinds of family settlements. Typically a gentle person will simply choose to walk away to avoid bitterness and nastiness. The emotional argument here can overrule the rational one, but if you are not a strong financial wicket, stand up for yourself and ask for what is equitable.

Yes dear!