My Message to a Young LGBTQ+ Person

As a kid, I recognized early on that I was a little bit different. I couldn’t put my finger on it. But I just knew something about me was different than most boys my age.

It showed up when I was getting bullied by other boys in sports. One of the places where a young person can find community and an outlet actually became the least safe place for me. I knew I was different and other boys were telling me that they knew something about me was different.

One day, I realized what it was: I was attracted to the same sex. That was a really confusing realization. I was scared because of all the negative stereotypes, the stigma and the shame of sharing who I really was with others.

Coming Out and Sharing My Truth

When I first came out to my family, I experienced a range of responses, from fierce rejection to my parents’ unconditional love. I was so fortunate that my parents supported me. I realize that everyone who comes out does not get a warm response from their parents. It made all the difference. It made me feel safe and supported.

When I came out to my faith community, the very people I turned to for support closed the door. It was in that moment that I realized how hard it can be to be gay. My faith life was—and still is—really important to me. It had to recognize what once gave me strength, was now bringing challenge.

During that time, my best friend’s mom suggested that I find someone to talk it out. I was connected with a really excellent outpatient clinical social worker. She was absolutely key to me understanding what it was to be a gay male, a gay adolescent and a gay young adult. She offered me unconditional support. “There are all these stereotypes out there, John, but you get to drive and design your own life,” she said. “Don’t let anyone box you in.”?She consistently told me, “It gets better,” and supported me until I realized that things really were getting better.

It was during that journey that I also realized I wanted to play a meaningful part in supporting change in other peoples’ lives. I realized that becoming a mental health clinician was my path.

From there, I came out to my extended family and in the workplace. I began to feel a strength and a confidence that wasn’t dependent on what other people thought of me, but instead was centered on how I saw myself and the community I built around myself.

I have real, true pride in being a gay male. Intrinsically, it brings a unique perspective to how I see people, including patients and the community. It gives me a real appreciation for marginalization and recognizing the importance of inclusion. My first-hand experience solidified that we all have a need to be seen, heard and felt, exactly as we are.

Coming out doesn’t happen all at once. I’m still coming out. Every week, I find opportunities to educate others, to sensitize others to who I am and to the reality that we are all diverse.

My message to any young person facing challenges or struggling with their sexuality or gender identity?

You are wonderfully made, you are whole and an incredible human being. You are designed in a way that I believe gives you unique ways of seeing the world. It allows you to see more beauty, more human kindness, more hope and compassion for others.

Lean into messages of hope, so you don’t trade your dreams based on anyone’s limitations or discrimination—whether that’s in the form of bullying at school, rejection within your family or discrimination in the workplace.

Make the choice to surround yourself with a community of support and care—and if things are hard, reach out and get help now . Don’t put it off. Continue to talk until you find someone who listens.

There are a lot of things that have limited my generation and the generation before that we’ve overcome. There’s a lot of hope that these changes will not limit the generation coming up now. There can be—and is—fulfillment, inclusion, success, healing and growth on the other side of the coming out experience.

If you or someone you know if struggling, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255 or text TALK to 741741.