My Marriage is Failing [No Joke]

*This is something I shared with my email list some 10 years ago now. Grab a cuppa, have a read and leave your thoughts or takeaways*

Light?Bulbs?And Tears?

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Why would I share such a personal thing? Because.....

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...........Grab a coffee and put aside 10 minutes TODAY

so I can open up some things that may hit you

at just the right time in your life.

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My?wife and I had been disconnected for 5 years.

We had been together for 14 years

in all but for the last 5?years of that, we had been alienated

from each other.

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And that would sound crazy seeing as we had a?

4-year-old son (Cameron) and an

18-month-old daughter (Brooke).

But this?is?a true fact.

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I won't go into the details of why as that would be unfair

but I will elaborate on the concept more as we go.

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So one Saturday morning I speak with?my

closest friend Dave.?

He gave me a DVD of Tony Robbins all about relationships

and I know of Tony and I know he does great work but I just

didn't have much interest in the DVD. Dave?doesn't press me

but he gives me the DVD to borrow and watch when I am

ready.

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So now skip forward some 5 months

later and a 2-hour phone with me at the end of?my

abilities to sort out?my?marriage.

I am so caught up

in the whole emotion and fear that I cannot SEE

the wood for the trees.

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So Dave asks if I still have his DVD. (I bloody should do

seeing as it's not mine!) so I think about it and reply YES!

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I am not sure where it?is?but let's not tell Dave that!

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So this time Dave?is?more forceful than before and

strongly suggests that I watch it. Sometimes we

need to be pushed.

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So upstairs I go and I find it. Relief and joy sweep

my?body as now I don't have to buy Dave a replacement!

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I have the DVD and I watch it. It has 6 hours?

of content, each broken down into 1-hour segments

of real-life couples being broken down and rebuilt

in the arena at his live events.

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I know a bit about psychology

and hypnotherapy and NLP so within 5 minutes I am hooked

and in?Education Mode.

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(by the way, this?is?typical of me as once I

GET something I am a maniac student).

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So I watch 5 of the 6 hours in the space

of a few days and suddenly I go

from fog to clarity?as what I then realised

was?my?emotional collapse was not anything

other than not knowing how to resolve the issues.

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Quick side step: humans have 6 basic needs

that must be met, according to Tony Robbins,

(and with 30 years in this field I would say he?is?qualified enough to be listened to)

which are:-

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certainty

uncertainty

significance

love and connection

growth?

contribution

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let's focus on the top 4 for now.

these are NEEDS for men and women

in their life and relationships. Not wants

or hopes but NEEDS!

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And as I watched this DVD I made notes

and you know what? I only had one of the 4 of my

needs being met by?my?wife.

No wonder I was unhappy.

But then...........

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I saw I was only meeting one of the 4 for her!!!!!!!!

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Apparently, I am not perfect!!?? Go Figure. ;-)

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So there were?Light?Bulbs?And Tears

as I went through this DVD.

Now I got it. I understood. But now came the hard part.

how do I get?my?wife to watch the DVD?

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Well, I won't go into the details

of the next day or 2 but as I suggested the DVD

it was met with resistance. But I am at the end

of the line and NO?is?not an option so I press on.

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It?is?met with aggression so I up?my?game

for the 1st time in years,?my?testicles came back

with regards to?my?marriage. It's a MUST

that she watches it Or I will be forced to leave

our?marriage.

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We are both unhappy so it seems fairer to

move out and plan how to look after our children.

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So with this said to her she caves and agrees

to watch 1 hour of it.

(I know what hour I will get her to watch already)

I ask her 1 question......

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"do you think 1 DVD can save our?marriage"

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She says "No".

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So, I set it up on?my?laptop to watch and go to the grocery store

to get some ice cream. Ben & jerry's cookie dough

to be precise.

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I return 15?minutes later and the DVD?is?off.?

She is sat there crying and looking beaten

( I wish I had discovered Deboxing back then as I could have shown her

what to do with those tears)?

?- as happens when you can't SEE the 'way' -??

and I ask how she was finding it. She said she thought

Tony Robbins was amazing and the story of the couple

(who are just like us!) was really really sad.

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This?is?good. She likes Tony so she would trust him.

Like and trust goes hand in hand.

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We move to the next day and we agree to sit and watch it together.

It moves through the woman's

perspective and then the man's and at the end

the couple have not only SEEN the issue's but

Tony brilliantly shows them the potential solutions

in a way that?is?quite remarkable.

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As Natalie (my?wife) watches this she starts to?Get Me More.

And I can see it's affecting her and hitting her deep

down. She has tears again at the end of it.

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She stands up not saying much and I ask her

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"Do you think one DVD can save our?marriage"?

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She replies....................."YES". 45 Minutes turned a NO into a YES!

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We share a moment and a hug that I will remember forever

regardless of what had happened.

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It had gone from battered and beaten to

hope and understanding. We now have a chance.

A real chance to survive and build an even better

marriage?than ever before.

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But what had happened?

By understanding ourselves and our triggers

in life and relationships and money we can then

move onto the solutions for these triggers

and repair ourselves.

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I was at a loss on Saturday on how to save?my?marriage

until?Dave pushed?the DVD onto me again and I could SEE

the way. Then I shared this with Natalie so she could SEE

the way too!

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And if you relate this to your life, relationships, and business what could start to happen if you let go of any anger or resentment or searching for the silver bullet to success.

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By silver bullet, I mean success without the necessary education or skills.?

Thanks for reading this today.?What are your takeaways or experiences where you have had a paradigm shift in a short space of time that led to huge change.

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Jay Roberts