My life as a stutterer - experiences, tips and coping mechanisms.

I have a stutter. I was born with it, and I inherited it from my father.

I’ve never really spoken about it much, but it’s been a big source of problems for me - particularly early on in my life.

Being honest, I’ve always seen it as a source of embarrassment. Something that made me look weaker and less intelligent. It affected my confidence and made me quite withdrawn at times whilst I was growing up.

Now at 42 I feel I can comfortably control it, and there’s people I speak to regularly who might have never noticed I have a speech impediment. On the other hand, those that have known me for longer know it’s part of who I am.

When I’m reading from a book, I’m perfectly fluent (most of the time), and I guess my mind must be wired differently as when I look at words I find them easier to say. When I have to ad-lib or speak independently, this is when I can encounter certain blocking sounds.

I still hate it when I stutter, and I don't like it when people see me get stuck with words. This remains a problem to this day and one I've not been able to overcome, so I try to disguise it as best I can.??

For anyone young and growing up with a similar condition it can be a very hard time, and can lead to social anxiety and avoidance problems quite easily.?

I don’t think you can ever truly get rid of one, instead you have to learn to live with it and manage it.

It doesn’t have to be something that controls your life, so here’s how I learnt to manage and cope with mine.

Day to Day Life

When I’m at work during the day, my mind is 100% alert and I don’t generally have any problems. I have to speak with many clients and colleagues throughout the day, and I guess this has forced to make sure I’m doing all the things that help me speak fluently:

• Speaking loud and clear with confidence
• Making sure I’m in control of my breathing
• Gesturing with hands whilst talking (this definitely helps me)
• Being assertive

I tend to stutter more when nervous or anxious - so I need to know what I’m saying, I need to be switched on & confident.

Strangely enough, I tend to have more problems when I’m at home, and I think this is down to my brain “switching off” and I become too relaxed and therefore I don’t control my breathing as I should.

Not sure if this is common amongst other sufferers?

Public Speaking

There’s been times early on in my career where I’ve had near panic attacks at the thought of public speaking. Fear takes over, it dominates you and stops you from being able to talk calmly and openly about a subject that you do comfortably know well.

Through my job I’ve done many presentations to my team, to our clients and also larger groups at events or conferences. I’ve certainly had to work at it, and I get nowhere near as worried as I used to, but trust me when I say this, public speaking does not come natural to me.

For larger and longer talks, it’s all about preparation and practise - but this is simply good advice generally. For any large talks I’m doing, I aim to rehearse them around six times - this is an amount that seems to work well for me and gives me confidence that things will go well.

And then they usually do.

Blocking Sounds & General Confidence

Confidence is a huge thing, and for me I have blocking words or sounds which I tend to have problems with - particularly when starting a sentence.?

This can lead to anxiety and fear, compounding the problem so much that you’re almost expecting to stutter.

So you start introducing words such as "like" to get a sentence started, but that’s not always the best advice long-term as it can make you sound less intelligent if it becomes a habit.

To counter this, I can detect what sort of mood/state I’m in, and then I simply take a breath, or start speaking slightly louder/more assertively.

The more you speak and the more successes you have, the more confident you become. So this is an example of positive reinforcement.

On the contrary, it’s all too easy to be sucked into a negative cycle of having bad experiences and therefore having less confidence.

Breathing

Breathing is - in my opinion - the single most important thing you need to master to really improve your stuttering or stammering.

I don’t always manage it, but get it right and you’ll see big improvements.

I've had nasal problems with sinusitis all my life too, and that definitely affects me more. If I'm feeling blocked up then that most certainly affects my breathing and I naturally stutter more.

But I can’t reinforce enough how important it is to practise, control and improve your breathing techniques.

Some good examples of practices to improve your breathing are swimming and singing. Swimming in particular forces you to control your breaths, and gives you the added benefit of getting fitter at the same time.

For singing, it opens up your lungs, it’s an enjoyable practice to do in general, and it teaches you how to exercise your facial muscles to make it easier for sounds to come out. There’s lots of great examples you can find from a quick Google, and doing these regularly should help you start to form positive habits.

Slip-ups

Slip-ups can and will happen. This is natural. The trick is to try and realise why and how it happened, and then put things in place to make it less likely in the future.

Common issues for me include the following:

• Stress
• Nerves
• Tiredness
• Too much alcohol (sometimes this isn’t an issue, but other times it can cause my nose to become blocked which makes the problem worse)
• Too much caffeine (though I drink a fair amount these days which I find keeps me alert and ready - there’s just a balance to be had)

Coaching

I visited a coach a few years back as I’d never had any counselling / lessons / coaching at all. I thought I would give it a go, and I would definitely advise someone younger to see an expert.

Have a search online, there will be many vocal/stutter practitioners around in your area and they could probably offer some really helpful advice.

The person I ended up seeing I didn’t gel with for some reason, and I found some of their advice contrary to what I had learnt myself. But I assume I just had bad luck.

I wouldn’t write it off just from my experience.

Famous Stutterers / Stammerers

There’s a surprising amount of famous stutterers who have spoken openly about their condition and experiences. These include Kendrick Lamar, Ed Sheeran, Joe Biden, Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson and many more.

Samuel L. Jackson once said:

"I stuttered really, really, really bad for a long time...to the point that I stopped speaking for, like, almost a year in school."?

Whilst Bruce Willis said:

“The hardest thing I remember was being a kid stuttering. My advice to the people in this room is to never let anyone make you feel like an outcast, because you will never be an outcast.”

One of the famous people in the world, Elon Musk, has never spoken openly about having a stutter, but many people suspect it. Interestingly he’s not one of the world’s best public speakers - and this is something he’s openly alluded to, but you could say he’s been fairly successful in his career in spite of not being a typically natural and confident speaker.

Takeaways

There’s not a single solution for everyone, but my most important takeaways are:

• Practice breathing - it’s much easier to speak with a full set of air in your lungs
• Speak a bit louder than what might feel comfortable, and try to form words clearly with your mouth - almost over-forming them at times.
• Speak more. Do tongue twisters, try vocal gymnastics and warm-ups similar to what a singer might do. Look on YouTube.

If anybody has similar problems and would like any further advice, or would just like to chat about their experiences, my DM’s are always open so please do get in touch. I’d love to think there’s at least one person reading this that can benefit.

Thanks for reading.

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Further Information

• Study finds that adults who stutter don’t stutter when they’re alone
• What Neuroscientists Are Discovering About Stuttering
• Elon Musk admits he suffers from self-doubt over his public speaking