My life as a Rainbow-Puking Unicorn Egomaniac (and how I found balance)

Anyone who has taken the time to invest in their professional development has learned about the impact of being positive. To some people it comes naturally and to others it’s a constant, conscious choice.

Every role in my professional career has involved talking to people. I identified early on, that if I want to have impact and success in what I was doing, I needed to have a positive attitude. I needed to get emotional buy-in from the peers and the decision makers around me. Spoiler alert - being positive is exhausting.

Admittedly, I have a naturally positive disposition. But could I front up to work in a retail store and put on a smile while graciously resolving complaints and going the extra mile as if it’s my absolute pleasure and mission in life to do so when I knew my husband had just lost his job and things weren’t going well at home? That’s hard. That’s exhausting. And when you’re giving so much of yourself at work to ensure that you are achieving your KPIs and sales targets, what’s left in the tank when you get home?

I’d come home and get comments like; “How can you be so positive at work and get great performance reviews and praise from everyone around you, when all we get at home is a tired grump?” And while there were other factors (“Mental Load” is a whole other topic), my husband had a point. Was it fair that strangers were getting the wheat but the most important people in my life were left with the chaff?

At the time, I thought the solution was to change the scenery. If I could get out of retail and find a job that didn’t require me to stand on my feet and be a frozen Barbie, subservient to the demands of retail customer service, I’d be happier. So I moved into recruitment. I suddenly had control of how many clients and candidates I saw, when I saw them. I was part of a boutique agency where I could still achieve outstanding financial results and provide for my family. But now I had a new problem.

My boss at the time sat me down in her office and told me, ‘We can’t afford for you to have “off days”. You are the mood barometer of the office. The team is so small that when you’re up, everyone is up. When you’re down, it brings everyone down”. Suddenly every staff member’s wellbeing and demeanour during the workday became my responsibility. It was then that I realised: my superpower is the energy I emit to those around me to create the environment I need to thrive.?

I was still giving 100% of myself to meet my KPIs and sales targets. But now I was responsible for maintaining the atmosphere at home AND in the office.

Michael Pratt has been one of the biggest influences in my life. While my favourite phrase he taught me is to “think twice, speak once” (still working on that one), he felt he needed to also drum into me that “negativity begets negativity”. At the time I thought that everything was fine because I was hitting more goals professionally and bringing home more bacon. But realistically, the cracks were showing and I was tired and miserable. Everyone around me was getting the flow on effect and by proxy was miserable, too. I needed to rethink the bigger picture.

It’s not natural to walk around being positive all the time. In fact to non-positive souls, naturally bubbly people come across as “rainbow-puking unicorns” (and if you’re a millennial, add “egomaniac” to that). So how can you be intentionally positive both personally and professionally without burning out?

1.??????Set realistic expectations and boundaries for yourself – Pace yourself professionally to have something left in the tank at the end of the day. No one on their death bed will say "I wish I gave my work more attention than my family". Be open about having mental health conversations with your employer. In my day we used to joke about chucking a sickie to stay in bed and watch movies, branding it a "mental health day". Stop joking and take a mental health day for what it is.

2.??????Ask for support from loved ones – Have open discussions about what a hard, draining day looks like for you and the support you need to move on quickly. Do you need your partner to put the kids to bed that night? Could you take a quiet moment to share your favourite drink or herbal tea with a loved one when you get home. Do you need to sit in a dark room and play a video game alone for an hour? Let them know when you aren’t 100% and need help.

3.??????Visualise yourself having positive interactions – Sometimes going home to domestic life feels like a second job. It’s not all laughing through dusk-lit corn fields in white linen clothing. Your personal life requires and deserves your effort. Visualise yourself greeting the family with a smiling face after a long day. Visualise yourself as the main character of a movie who is happy to be headed home to the family. Visualise yourself feeling grateful that your partner and little humans are in your life. Choose to enjoy your interactions. Everything in life is a choice and this is a big one for the people around you.

4.??????Surround yourself with “Bucket Fillers” – I don’t mean Marie Kondo your life and shut out everyone that doesn’t spark joy. But intentionally carve out time for people who make you feel alive, happy and refreshed. Not depleted and tired. Limit your interactions with the people who aren’t adding value.

5.??????Give back as a “Bucket Filler – Don’t take more than you give. If you have great people in your life that make you feel comfortable, relaxed and happy, reciprocate and give them your time and attention, respect and joy.

6.??????Surround yourself with positive messaging – Honestly, 5 years ago I would have scoffed at anyone that said this to me. But when “negativity begets negativity” finally clicked (amidst a free life coaching seminar), something in my brain said “get rid of all the sarcastic, self-deprecating content in your social media feed”. Your brain is a computer and your self-talk is the operating system that's running the show. I’m not immune to the charm of mind-numbing Instagram scrolling. Now I choose to see content that is uplifting, positive and hilarious without being at the expense of myself or someone else.

Over Christmas I travelled back home with a friend of mine who is visiting from overseas and I found it amusing and insightful to hear my family and friends proudly exclaim that he was witnessing the best “version” of me after 35 years of evolution. My brother talked of a kid who was absolutely certain about everything. Confident, happy, content and determined. Mum lamented that somewhere along the journey I got so caught up in being a child, a friend, a wife,?a mother, an employee and a person there to fix commercial problems, that I got stretched too thin and lost sight of everything. I knew I had become cynical, negative, tired and was regurgitating the same problems and frustrations in my life over and over again to anyone that gave me the time of day. There were a few years where it was almost awkward to be around me. ?But as my best friend squeezed the life out of me and relished in having her 13 year old happy girl back, I knew my older, wiser and calmer "version" was a keeper.

My loved ones' comments weren’t lost on me. I know I made the choice to enact change. And with the love and support of the amazing people in my inner-circle, I have found a wonderful balance. ?These days if you look in my eyes carefully, you may even catch a sparkling glimpse of the cheeky 6 year old girl who would roller skate through the house with a hammer in one hand and a wildly practical plan in mind.

Positivity doesn’t always come naturally and no-one is expected to be a rainbow puking unicorn all the time (can you imagine it?!). But you can make lots of little (and big) changes to ensure your positivity is balanced enough to influence the outcomes of both your personal and professional life without being a candle that burns from both ends.?