Why “Work-Life Balance” is a False Dichotomy, and What I Did About It

If you are familiar with my posts, you know that I’m a big proponent of productivity: See?What Inspires Me: Blueprinting A Life in Full , and What Happens When Pursuing Your Goals Goes Wrong (And What To Do About It) .

In general, I think most of these have to do with one's work-life — getting things done, zero-inbox-ish types of stuff. Some folks use the time saved to do more work, or to have more time for other interests, or simply feel less stressed with time-crunches and deadlines.?

"There is nothing that the busy man is less busy with than living; there is nothing harder to learn." – Seneca

Over the years, I have tried to compartmentalize “life” and “work” and honestly, it’s not been easy and I’ve not been able to do it successfully. When I’d get stuck on a problem at work, I’d find myself to start thinking of an upcoming (non-work related) trip or the like. When going to bed at night, my thoughts would often drift to the next day’s work projects. When commuting, I’d think of all sorts of things. It made me feel guilty, as if I were cognitively "cheating" by thinking about one thing while I was supposed to be doing the other thing.

Then I began to discover that some per se, “non-work” thoughts could creatively cross-pollinate to a conundrum at the office that I was struggling with. And likewise, some of the tools I used in my work turned out to be quite helpful in being applied to my non-profit organization, or in managing some home project. I came to learn that compartmentalization, either-or, or so called balances really were not helpful for me.

So I have come up with a different approach.

Instead of feeling a failure with what I consider to be a bit of a false dichotomy (work versus life), I strive to have systems and structures in place (and constantly tweak, learn, add/shed) that I think are mutually beneficial to many aspects of my life — which includes relationships (family, friends, colleagues), health (exercise, diet, sleep), habits and approaches (so called “hacks” if you will, tools, auto-pilots), writing (personal journal, LinkedIn, scientific papers, love notes), learning (parenting, professional education, intimacy), and the list goes on...

Most everything in my life is like an overlapping Venn diagram, BUT I have found that the amounts of overlap will vary “seasonally.” That is, think of the example of an athlete and the various regimens s/he goes through depending on whether one’s sport is in season. When it's training time, workouts change, diet changes, stressors change. When one is playing, workouts change, diet changes, stressors change. And when one is in the post/off-season, you got it — workouts change, diet changes, stressors change.

In life, this is paralleled with lifestyle changes — studying for finals, having a newborn, preparing for a big presentation to a group of VCs — all of which are time limited, stressful, and may cause a lack of sound sleep. Once past (“post-season”), things can begin to return to a less stressful phase, with new priorities manifesting to be dealt with. So maybe it’s more like “ratios” rather than “balance.”

Specifics

OK, operationally, you may now be wondering what approaches I use and if you know me, then you know that I’m more than happy to share. In the past year or so, I have learned a lot about the power of habits :

… and I have come to be a believer in the value of how you structure the start of your day can improve the quality of that day — that is, both in terms of your life and your work. This “value” can be in time savings, improving your productivity, decreasing your stress, or simply being happier in whatever you are doing. What follows is my amalgam of tips I have collected and put into personal use, and my tweaks and outcomes. Here goes:

Morning Routine

Get Enough Sleep

How well your morning goes is predicated on how well your night went. Crappy sleep = crappy morning = crappy day. Work backwards from the time you want/need to get up and calculate what time you need to hit the hay. (That’s ideally around 8 p.m. for me.) If you clinically have sleep issues, get proper medical help. If you have episodic bouts of bad nights, take a look at decreasing any caffeine and alcohol prior to bedtime. Have a cool, dark room with comfortable sheets and proper pillows. Reading before bed is great (I prefer nonfiction, so I can more easily put it down). Television may be OK with an auto-shutoff function and no bingeing. Mute your phone or use the “do not disturb” function, and no blue screens in bed!

A Corollary to Getting Enough Sleep

Consider joining Benjamin Franklin, Ernest Hemingway, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, Virgin founder and CEO Richard Branson, Apple CEO Tim Cook, Pepsi CEO Indra Nooyi, Twitter (and Square) founder Jack Dorsey club of folks who wake up early — from 4 to 5:30 a.m. I get up at 4:15 a.m. with an alarm, weekdays, and I get up whenever, without an alarm on weekends.

Cayenne Cocktail

While I do enjoy my morning cup-o-Joe, I recently began jump-starting my morning with a six-ounce glass of a concoction made up of water (24 oz), half a lemon’s juice, ? cup of apple cider vinegar, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, ? teaspoon cayenne pepper, and 1 teaspoon of raw honey (omit if you’re a strict vegan, I do). Be careful the first few times you drink it as it is an acquired taste. I drink this before I do my morning workouts, and once I get back home in the evenings.

I know, everyone says not to…

But, yes, I do check my email. Actually I do about 45-60 minutes of work. For me it’s grounding and helps me feel like I have a jump on the day. Also, in my circumstance of having a long commute to my office, it can get my staff going on things while I’m in the car on my way in, as well as answering others’ needs promptly. I also find it a stress relief and doing so gets my head in the day.

Mindfulness and Gratitude

I’m not a touchy-feely kind of guy, but I do find it helpful (while doing my daily stretching/yoga) to purposely think about what I am grateful for and prayerfully focus on the needs of my family and friends.

Review the To-Do (Micro)

I am big on the use of lists to keep track of things that need doing, identifying priorities, not forgetting something, etcetera. I actually look at mine before bed, and the next morning. There are approximately a bazillion ways to do this. Experiment, tweak, and make an approach your own (constantly evolve it as you grow and change as well). Here are some helpers, should your need a kick-start: Why I'd Rather Lose My Phone Than My To-Do List , Cool Tools for Productivity , Productivity Hacks: Have Impossible To-Do Lists , and?

Review the Done (Macro)

For me, To-Do lists can be the micro-building blocks for my more macro-Life List ...

...as this list is an amalgamation of career, profession, practice, family, races, and experiences, so periodically I’ll also enjoy a review of past, present, and future goals. I suspect you may, too.

Get a Little Inspiration or Smile

Maybe it’s due to being exposed to my two very socially networked children, but every morning, I also see what my peeps have posted on the FB. I can almost always count on something that will bring a smile, or refresh a memory. I also have made it a point to wish happy birthday to every one of my friends on their special day with a rocked out Lenny Kravitz rendition.

Exercise

I cycle through routines in order to not plateau/accommodate. Generally I lift on M/W/F with a body-part-specific focus. On T/T/S I run (with a mix of mileage, speeds, hills/flats, road/trail). Sundays are kettlebells, which I have really come to enjoy and feel is a nice core, dynamic, all-body combo pack, and extended stretching (a la Pavel ). Sometimes there may be some distance/speed road biking, hiking with weights, or other random activities added in as a second workout.

Protein

Lots of folks, from Tim Ferriss to Donald Layman (Professor Emeritus of Nutrition at the University of Illinois), recommend consuming at least 30 grams of protein for breakfast. I like it timing-wise as it then comes post-workout/recovery when I really need it. Get it as you wish. I am plant-based so my choices include legumes, greens, nuts, and seeds more so on the weekends when I have more time, and a pea, rice, or hemp protein shake weekdays on my drive to work.

Hit the (Cold) Showers

This is tough in a Chicago January after having run in -10 degrees Fahrenheit, but science says that cold water exposure can help your body’s immune, lymphatic, circulatory and digestive systems as well as help in the weight-loss department presumably because it seems to boost your metabolism. I find once I complete my shampooing and cleaning phase, I then dial back the temp to frosty. I find it helpful to do some Wim Hof -like breathing (I warn my wife first, however).

“Audi” University

OK, the kind of car (or train/plane) doesn’t matter, but I use my in-car commute time to learn new things — which is fun and makes me way more interesting at work and cocktail parties. For me, I favor NPR or one of my favorite podcasts going to work. (When I need continuing education credits in order to renew my state clinical license to practice, I may substitute in some clinical content.) On the drive home, I prefer a fiction audio book, and on Fridays, fairly loud music. (A 2016 goal is to diminish my commute for many productive, physical, environmental, and psychological reasons, so podcasts will be consumed almost exclusively on the trails in the future.)

Even “Work” is Changing…

Having said all this, I also think that it’s interesting to learn about some of the adaptations that work is having to life. For example, Laura Carstensen, Founding Director of the Stanford Center for Longevity, forecasts that we “…will continue throughout live with intermittent returns to universities, nanodegrees, and employer-based training. Gap years, sabbaticals, and extended leaves between jobs will become commonplace.”

Please add to the conversation with your personal favorites, tips, and tools in the comments below. Thanks…!

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If you liked this article, you may also like:

My Favorite Productivity Tools

Productivity Hacks: Have Impossible To-Do Lists

What Inspires Me: Blueprinting A Life in Full

What Happens When Pursuing Your Goals Goes Wrong (And What To Do About It)

Disclosures and Fine-print