My Life, Neatly Folded Into a Wallet and a Carry-On Bag

This article originally appeared as part of the?Tribune Content Agency?Humor Hotel package May 2, 2023.

Leave it to Instagram to point out my lack of organizational skills.

I’ve always considered myself a tidy person, living, since college, with nary an article of clothing tossed on floors, slung over furniture or hanging from ceiling fans. OK, the fan incident occurred once, but I believe it had something to do with a bet, as in, “I’ll bet you can’t toss your boxers onto the fan while it’s spinning and get them to stay there.”

Ah, good old frat days.

However, the Instagram algorithm seems to differ. By now it has figured out that, yes, I do travel extensively. In the past month, my Instagram followers have seen me posing happily in far flung locales such as Kotor, Montenegro; Valletta, Malta; Hilo, Hawaii; and Ravenna, Italy. I traversed all of these destinations in one, tightly packed suitcase but made the mistake of, in jest, posting an Instagram photo featuring a tangle of charging cords and adapters. The caption read? “The joys of international travel.”

That was all Instagram needed to begin pushing a nonstop barrage of ads to my feed for products designed to make my life less cluttered.

First up? The Ridge Wallet. Instagram has been showing me these ads for a few years, but they have increased exponentially. Designed, according to its website, to let users “carry less and live more,” Ridge wallets are made from alloys ranging from aluminum to 24-karat gold, the latter for people who apparently have never lost a wallet. The Ridge appears no larger than a credit card but can hold, if you believe the unboxing YouTube video I watched, SIX cards and four bills.

“That’s it?” I thought.??

My trusty leather wallet currently contains 10 cards. Yes, I could probably transfer my Chicago transit pass to my phone and close one credit card, but I’d feel positively naked without my Costco membership card, my ATM card (for dispensing four bills) and my driver’s license. Do Ridge users not own vehicles? Apparently they never get sick either, because I didn’t see a medical insurance card or COVID-19 vaccination card in the mix. Ridge, I love your concept, but I just don’t think my pants pockets are ready for such a minimalist approach.

So, let’s move on to the Solgaard Carry-On Closet suitcase, the other product I am now familiar with thanks to Instagram. From the outside, it looks like a regular rollaboard suitcase, the kind preferred by air travelers who refuse to check luggage even if it means every item will emerge from their bags looking as if an elephant had had its way with the contents mid-flight.

The Solgaard contains a patented “built-in shelving system,” so, if packed correctly, your items magically appear on shelves that, when unfurled, hang from the case’s handle. The creator, Adrian Solgaard, aka “Adrian the Canadian” to his social media followers, starred in his own YouTube video and promised his invention could hold everything from bulky sweaters to toiletries to charging cords. I could probably squeeze my vaccination card in there or maybe even a Ridge wallet.

I’m looking at my upcoming travel schedule, which includes stops in Juneau, Alaska; Phoenix, Arizona; and Fort Myers, Florida. Is it time to abandon my Fossil wallet and American Tourister luggage in favor of the Ridge and the Solgaard? Will doing so allow me to smirk at fellow travelers, knowing the chaos that awaits when they attempt to pay for a dinner check or locate a clean pair of boxers? A pair not hanging from a ceiling fan?

I am undergoing a life change and attempting to live a more simple existence, one void of clutter and “stuff.” On the surface, that makes me an ideal candidate for both products. But, as someone who still uses a desk calendar to hand write important appointments, it may take a little more convincing before I make the transition.?

What I really need is a pair of underwear that folds into a wallet.

Greg Schwem?is a business humor keynote speaker, corporate MC and host of the?#streaming?#TV?series "A Comedian Crashes Your Pad" He also write the nationally syndicated?Humor Hotel?column