My Life Experiences Make Me - ME. And that is a good thing!

Being a family man hasn't always come easy to me, but it’s always been a fundamental part of who I am. This same commitment to family now fuels my mission to support suicide prevention and mental health advocacy.

You see, my upbringing was dominated by mental illness and violence. Together, they catapulted me into adult roles at a young stage in my life - even before I’d reached the age of my youngest daughter, who turned ten this week.?

In the process, I learned important lessons that have shaped the man I am today. These lessons include: how to read a room, ways to blend in, what nonverbal cues mean, and how to anticipate unexpected outcomes.

When my older brother would get into trouble, it could set off a ripple of chaos at home. My dad would get enraged, and people would get hurt. I’d watch my mother get attacked, disfigured to the point of looking unrecognizable.?I quickly learned how not to behave and what not to do. I also learned that sometimes the people who aren't on the best track turn out to be our biggest teachers.

From my mother, I learned the skill of perseverance and the art of resilience. As a child, there were times when I wasn’t sure I would see my mother alive again. Still, I watched her pick herself up from the greatest depths and move forward, one small step at a time.?I also learned that mental illness can be hidden. Unlike Dad, who demonstrated the erratic behaviors of a man who was visibly troubled, Mom hid her pain. Yes, she suffered visibly, and the physical wounds we saw, but the emotional ones were often kept under wraps. But, I knew.

I was thirteen when my father died. Surrounded by family, I still felt entirely alone. I was sad and bewildered, and I was also relieved. The torment had ended for all of us - not least of all, for my dad himself.?It wasn't until a little later that I learned my father died by suicide.

Suicide devastated my family. It?had taken?my dad from us. Suicide had also saved us.

Our life experiences don’t always end when the events themselves pass. I learned they can stay with us for long stretches; sometimes, they stay with us forever.

In my early 30's when I became a father, I was filled with excitement and hope. I was also struck by fears, not all of which I could explain. Sometimes they were upsetting and irrational. Just like I had learned to do as a child, I was expecting the most unexpected - and most horrible - of outcomes.?I was fearful it could all be taken away from me.

When those thoughts became more frequent and upsetting, I took advantage of EAP visits at my company. A therapist helped me to appreciate the origin of these fears and anxiety. Like my father, I was diagnosed with PTSD. His was from military service; mine was from?the violent aftermath of my father's own life.

For me, PTSD has led to periods of distress and unnecessary worry, but knowing this has made all the difference. It has empowered me to learn more about how this condition manifests, for me and for others, and to navigate its impact on my family, my career, and my relationships.

The diagnosis of PTSD has not diminished me. On the contrary, it has made me - ME.

As I have gained awareness to my own traumatic triggers and experiences, I've learned how to articulate them more clearly. One experience stands out. In my career, as I assumed a high-pressure role, my interactions with one executives leadership style led to periods of unexpected triggering and re-experiencing.

Our interactions would impact me profoundly, often inexplicably and disproportionately. They turned my life upside down. I’d feel tremendous discomfort in her presence and angst just coming into work. She gave critical feedback that I often was "thinking about the worst possible outcomes," and she was right. It was how I had operated for my whole life. It was also how I went on to succeed at the same company for over 20 years. Always planning and anticipating.

The old saying goes, "You have no idea what people are dealing with in their personal lives." It's a good rule by which to live. When I could finally articulate - to the executive, and to others since - the impact of my own life experiences, I could finally begin to share how my life experiences influence how I lead and think.

For me, suicide prevention and mental health advocacy are more than just passing interests. They play an integral part of who I am - as a leader and as a family man.

This year, I am merging these passions with another important one: fitness.

In support of #movember, men's mental health, and suicide prevention, I have taken on the challenge of running the NYC Marathon on November 7. I am running in honor of my father - David - and I have set a bold fundraising goal leading up to this run: $30,000 in support of men's mental health.

Please help me to honor my dad and this cause and to help change the dialogue around mental health and how it intersects in the workplace. You can help by donating any amount via my link in the comments and by engaging with this post, please comment and share to broaden reach and impact.