My Lessons on Mental Health & Burnout.

I’ve always been an anxious person. But after my mum died when I was 21, I became very anxious about life, and the brevity and fragility of it all, about pain and loss. Judson Brewer MD PhD (in his amazing book and podcast) says Anxiety = Fear + Uncertainty. Well, the pandemic has delivered previously unfelt levels of both. After contracting Covid abroad in January, and subsequently suffering fairly acute Long Covid, I burnout. Slowly at first, and then suddenly. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t be left alone and couldn’t work. I had to take time off, and with my Husband, go back to my Father's house for care. I had physical symptoms including tremors, heart palpitations and racing pulse, nausea, feeling cold, brain fog, distraction (total inability to focus). I was emotional. Mentally – I thought I was going crazy – I literally thought I was losing my mind. I cried a lot, and I was scared of my brain all of the time. I thought it was my enemy. I thought it couldn’t be trusted.

I sit here, 6 months on in a very different place. I want to share a little of what I learned about myself in case it helps anyone here. These are my reflections – pick and choose what you will, or disregard entirely. This is not a how-to, it’s a how I began to feel better.

1. ?Take the time off work. I certainly did. I believe that work can wait – your health can not. Your employer wants you to flourish at work – trust me. ?I’m aware not everyone is in the position to just take time off and be supported. If you are not in that position (self employed, or not covered for longer term leave) – have the conversation anyway, or see if you can change your hours so you can sleep in more in the morning for example, and get bigger breaks throughout the day. I really REALLY rested - like no stress allowed. I started re-watching the West Wing for the 100th time - whatever works! CJ is my spirit animal I swear.
2. I found educating myself helped enormously understand what was going on in my brain. Neuroscientist Dr Judson Brewer has a book and app called Unwinding Anxiety that helped me enormously.
3. Food – 90% of your serotonin comes from your gut microbiome. It is true that we are what we eat. I dramatically changed my diet to highly nutritious foods. I am now 80% veggie/vegan. I cut the crap. And I also cut out alcohol. I can enjoy a glass of wine again now, but I drank nothing for 6 months. I started taking Symprove – which is scientifically backed to change your gut health, and took supplements to support what I needed with the help of a nutritionist. It has made the biggest difference. If you don’t know where to start there are tonnes of resources online. I particularly like heathline (www.heathline.com) . 9 ways to improve your gut bacteria here and 7 foods that could boost your serotonin here.
4. Nature – my dad lives in the countryside, and when I wasn’t working I walked every day in nature. It really helped. In Japan, they are opening up gardens as part of treatment for different mental health illness called “forest medicine” https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2019/jun/08/forest-bathing-japanese-practice-in-west-wellbeing .
5. Exercise - I’ve always loved exercising, but it’s a game-changer. Studies show exercise can have the same affect at treating mild to moderate depression as medication. At my lowest, I did a lot of walking – where I tried to be present and just focus on the trees, or the pavement – to stop my racing mind. I’m a pilates fanatic and that also helped as I couldn’t really focus a lot on my anxious mind whilst trying to do judo kicks with dumbbells on one leg. And as I got my strength back, I fell back in love with my peloton, where I could really start to get lost in the class. There is a lot of research about exercise and stress and anxiety – but find a routine and pace that work for you, so that it’s a release and not a burden. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/the-mental-health-benefits-of-exercise.htm
6. Meditation – Sam Harris “Waking Up ” has changed my life. He has a 30 day free trial where he can talk you through the steps. He is also a neuroscientist and scholar which really helps me as on his app are numerous podcasts and talks about meditation, as well as several different types of practice you can try out.
7. Talk it out – I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I also have the most amazing friends and supportive family. I like the analogy of when your bathtub is full of anxiety, or stress, or depression, and you think it is going to flood over, talking – verbalising – it’s like pulling out the plug or turning off the taps – the water can start to subside. I want to say a particular thank you to Christina, my friend for always being there for me to talk it out.
8. Feel grateful – it might sound counter-intuitive, but gratitude practice really helped me. In journaling yes – but I really liked the combination of gratitude meditation and loving kindness meditation. It helped me take my progress more seriously, and see the little things every day that I loved about my life. I found the Aura app https://www.aurahealth.io/ really diverse. It’s also super affordable and has lots of 5 minute sessions to fit in when it suits you.
9. Tracking – for about 10 weeks, I tracked my mood, I journaled, and I wrote down the small wins every day (got out the house! Managed to nap! Made a coffee cake for dad!). So when I was having a bad day – I had something evidence-based to look back on and show it hasn’t always been as bad as it felt at that moment. I don’t do it anymore but I’m grateful I did it then. Dr Brewer’s Unwinding Anxiety app also has a tracker.
10. Play – turns out I really like making Lego things – cars, to be precise – especially their 911 Targa. Also – drawing and painting. It worked for me – I wonder what will work for you…?

Medication… I didn’t go on medication in the end – but I was fortunate enough to have a huge amount of support in making that decision. Personally, I would 100% go on if needed in the future. For Long Covid though, I am on medication. It is generally regarded that Covid, and Long Covid cause neuro-psychological imbalances, and I feel incredibly grateful to be under the care of Dr Glynne at the physicians clinic.

?I’ll end by saying I am not a scientist, Doctor or expert – but from all the one’s I have spoken to – they all emphasised the following. When looking at best courses of treatment for generalised anxiety, stress and depression – control groups suggest that a multiple strategy approach is best between therapy, mindfulness and medication. I took a huge amount of comfort in knowing I could pick the solution that felt right for me.

?I just want to say – nothing is permanent. No thought or feeling is permanent. Sam Harris says if he were to distill his life’s learning's into the shortest amount of words, it would be – ?you are not this next thought. I came back to those words so many times in my darkest hours. You matter. Be kind, always. Finally – progress is never a straight line… it’s 2 steps forward and 1 step back.?