My Leap of faith back into “Normality”.

An article surrounding my journey from Rehabilitation Treatment back into "Normality"

I would describe my compulsion to use drugs as a way of self-medicating; an obsession with trying to numb the pain I suffered throughout my traumatic childhood, adolescence & adult life. After a serious addiction with ketamine, I finally hit rock bottom.

I made a conscious decision to seek the help I needed. I found a local service called Recovery Steps Barnsley who thankfully, with the help of HumanKind, managed to secure me a place in a Rehabilitation Service called Phoenix Futures who are based in Glasgow, Scotland.

I first entered Phoenix Futures Rehabilitation Service on the 2nd of November 2018. After six and a half months of blood, sweat and tears (LITERALLY) I was offered the opportunity to move into their Supported Accommodation programme known as ‘Re-entry’ as the 25th May 2019. I left that service on the 7th of February 2020 and relocated permanently to the beautiful city that is Glasgow.

I count my first day clean as the 3rd November 2018, so having 461 days - 1 year, 3 months and 4 days (or 11,064 hours) of clean time under my belt, the idea of leaving a relatively safe and comfortable environment and stepping back into the “norm” was extremely terrifying but also at the same time, very alluring. Leaving Phoenix Futures was a step I knew deep down I was more than ready for; Phoenix Futures had allowed me to gain the fundamental tools and techniques I needed to have the chance of living a life full of recovery and prosperity. I had prepared myself for the next chapter of my life.

Even though I knew I was ready to leave I couldn't help but feel a whole plethora of emotions. I felt nervous, anxious, scared even angry. What if I messed up all the hard work? What if I couldn’t manage life on life’s terms? Was I destined to relapse like so many other before me? 

Thankfully my keyworker was amazing at helping me find a place to live and helped provide me with a base where I could knuckle down and continue to grow as a human being. I believe the hard work starts once you leave whichever service you started your recovery in, but if you reach a certain level of self-actualization then you’re well aware of what you need to do to maintain your recovery.

However, even when knowing what I needed to do, I was tremendously fearful but also immensely enthusiastic and those two emotions combined can be very unnerving. Thankfully I had cultured an awareness which is a fundamental part of my recovery. Something that had always stuck with me was “we can only truly ever learn when we are out of our comfort zone”. This for me was what I sought after, I believed that I had the right mindset and structure in place to continue my path of recovery outside of the bubble of Phoenix Futures. I had embarked on many amazing and exciting projects and I had many more lined up. Phoenix Futures had allowed me to create and evolve my recovery whilst under their care and guidance. I had rediscovered my purpose and I now needed to go out there and share it with the world.

I’ve been lucky enough to meet some fantastic people and I knew that I had a very solid network of people that I could tap into and learn from. I knew the universe had put these wonderful people in my path for a reason. I had found myself, eager and willing to take part in the 12 Steps (even though I do not believe addiction is a disease - I know, very controversial, especially within the fellowship.) I do feel that I can still take on board what the principles have to offer and take what I need from them. Educating and challenging my thoughts and behaviours.After all, it's these thoughts and behaviours that led me into a world full of pain and misery. As the great Albert Einstein once said - “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

Thankfully I’ve found myself an amazing sponsor and mentor, again I’m so grateful for the universe for allowing our paths to cross. Although at times I’m sure he regrets this, he is a person who is most certainly helping me to become a more spiritual and loving person.

I discovered some amazing charities that I’m now involved in and even more importantly like-minded people that I can surround myself with. I believe that all of these people, places and things contribute to my success not just in my recovery but within life itself. Since leaving the service I have become a public speaker with the UK’s number 1 speaker agency, I’m setting up my own social enterprise business with the sole purpose of empowering and educating young people to understand the real dangers of drugs & alcohol misuse.,I have featured and appeared on a whole array of media outlets such as LADbible, BBC Scotland, STV News, DDN Magazine, Blethered Podcasts as well as various Radio stations and magazines. But THE BEST THING my recovery has provided, is the fact that I know have my family & friends back in my life; without them everything else is meaningless. Recovery for me is the most loving and empowering thing I have ever done and not just for me; when I recovered so did my family and friends. I gave them just as much peace and love as I had found for myself. I cannot stress enough the damaging impact we have on others when we are in our dreaded cycle of addiction.  

If I can leave you with any words of wisdom regarding “the secret” of recovery it’s this, the most fundamental belief you must-have if you want to succeed in anything, especially recovery, is the belief in yourself because all of this wouldn’t be possible if I didn’t have the mindset and self-belief that I have cultivated deep within. It's embedded within everything that I do and an attempt to better myself by learning from or helping others. Recovery truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

Yours truly,

Thomas Christopher Delaney