My Leader Doesn't Really See Me

"He isn't interested in me as a fellow human being. I'm just a function to him..."

"She doesn't really know who I am, nor does she care to..."

"He has no clue about my ambitions or what motivates me..."

I frequently have conversations or email/text exchanges with individuals about the challenges and frustrations they experience in their work environment. And one of the most common topics is problematic bosses and business leaders. While acknowledging that my sample is skewed - happy employees are less likely to reach out a career advice author with comments or questions about their leaders - I am still surprised by the volume and intensity of their feelings.

"He LOVES to tell us all the amazing stories of his weekend activities and vacation adventures, but if we start to talk about OUR lives outside the office, his eyes go blank, his face turns flat. No interest at all."

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"She thinks that she is the fountain of all great ideas here. If she didn't think of it, it can't be an amazing idea," one person said to me. "But if you have a really good idea and talk to her long enough, she will eventually twist it into HER idea, and then she's think it's fantastic."

The very best thing about being exposed to these comments and conversations on a regular basis is that they prompt me to pause and consider my own interactions with direct reports. Do I REALLY know them? Do I SEE them? Do I treat them as fellow human beings, not just functions or cogs in the organizational machine? My hope is that this self-questioning is driven by healthy humility and recognition that I am (like the rest of us) still a work in progress. And I like to think of myself as a very human leader who genuinely values the other humans I work with.

You probably feel the same way. But is our self-perception accurate? Maybe a little healthy paranoia and self-doubt in this area is a good thing. Keeps us on our toes.

"With her it's all projects and timelines and accountabilities. She is perfectly pleasant, but I have no idea if she is actually human. And she has no idea who I really am."

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"He talks THROUGH me, not WITH me..."

I wonder if the leaders and bosses who are the subject of these commentaries would be surprised to learn that their employees perceive them this way. Would they really care? I have provided coaching to a few leaders who subsequently worked hard at ACTING as if they cared, but the act rang hollow with employees and didn't last long anyway.

Caring about and engaging with others as fellow human beings - maybe this isn't really a coachable trait. And maybe it wasn't that important until the past two decades when employee expectations made a significant shift - not just Millennial and GenX employees, but almost ALL employees expect more from their employers and their leaders. Employees (myself included) are no longer just grateful to have an engaging and well-paying job; we expect the value we bring to our employer to be validated in a variety of ways. And we want to work with people who truly value us as the complex and flawed humans we are, not just for our functional productivity.

Whether or not the trait is coachable, it is going to be increasingly vital for effective leaders in the future.

"She finds her own career path and previous work experiences to be so fascinating that she just HAS TO share those stories with us. But she has no interest in hearing about our previous work or life experiences."

Most leaders have healthy egos. Or maybe "healthy" is the wrong adjective. Most leaders have strong egos - it is almost a job requirement. It takes a strong ego to feel comfortable providing insight and direction to others. But that strong ego can also create a blind spot, especially if you assume others feels as positive about you as you feel about yourself.

If you have been wondering why your employees aren't more engaged, why you can't seem to retain the very best of them, why your leadership isn't producing the same results that it did decades ago, why you can't shake the feeling that something's... off. Maybe, just maybe, it's not them - maybe it's you. And maybe a dose of healthy humility might be good for you.

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One of my favorite tools to assess how employees REALLY feel about their organization and their leaders is the Unlock:Engagement Survey. It is a confidential survey that allows employees to rate and comment upon the ten areas shown below:

My experience has been that when employees feel comfortable that this survey is truly confidential, the results are often eye-opening. And when the aggregate results are sorted by division, department, geography or team/work group, the data becomes truly actionable.

I know this makes some leaders uncomfortable. I actually had a CEO say to me once "I don't think I want to give them another opportunity to bitch and complain, they do that enough already." He then went on to lament about the high turnover rate among their front line workers. The irony was lost on him. And he is somehow the CEO of a +$50 Million firm.

For me, as a leader, even if it is painful I want to know the TRUTH about how employees perceive me and my organization in these 10 categories below:

• Compelling Purpose - To what degree do employees feel that the business exists for important reasons beyond achievement of financial targets?
• Authentic Leadership - To what degree do employees trust leaders and align with their direction for the organization?
• Clear Objectives & Expectations - To what degree do employees know exactly what is expected of them, and how their efforts contribute to strategic business objectives?
• Adequate Skills & Resources - To what degree do employees feel that they have the skills and resources necessary to do their jobs well and achieve required objectives?
• Energizing Environment - To what degree does their working environment help employees to maintain a high level of energy and motivation throughout the work day?
• Pervasive Productivity - To what degree are ALL employees highly productive and not dependent upon a small number of "go to" colleagues?
• Joyful Engagement - To what degree are employees truly engaged, happy and excited as they work each day?
• Cooperative Teamwork - To what degree do employees feel that they can count on others throughout the organization to help them when needed?
• Rewards and Recognition - To what degree do employees feel that rewards and recognition are meaningful, fair and objectively targeted?
• Development Opportunities - To what degree do employees feel they have opportunities in the business to grow and develop?

And you don't necessarily have to do a fancy survey to get value out of these questions above. Just contemplate each question, perhaps discuss with your leadership team, and if you are all being honest with each other, usually the truth will come out. As long as you are all seeking the truthful answer. If instead you are just looking to make yourselves feel better or validated, then maybe not - perhaps a confidential survey is in order.

Ultimately what I think is most interesting is how leaders react to just the IDEA of a confidential survey like this. Some enthusiastically embrace the opportunity to know what employees are really thinking. And some (more than you might imagine) react the way a vampire reacts to a crucifix, with fear and dread. That reaction alone speaks volumes.