My Last Conversation with Father-in-law, Before He Left for Final Journey

I left Delhi in 2007 for Udaipur for my new job. Many members of family came to drop me at the airport. My father-in-law, who I called Pitaji, did not come as he was very upset with this shift. I was the only son-in-law as he had only one daughter. Thus, my emotional bonding with him was very special. When ever we met, we spoke in length and discussed many things. I would remind him of his days as a teacher and then as Principal and he would not understand what I do professionally – many people think Communication is an extra burden on the company.

Though I frequently visited Delhi for meeting my journalist friends, I could not get much time to either meet my parents or in-laws. I would reach Delhi by morning flight and return either the same day or the next day. This kept happening for many years.

Then suddenly one day we came to know that my father-in-law has been detected with prostate cancer. Unbearable and unimaginable. We didn’t know how to handle this. He was far away from cigarettes, alcohol or habitual to any medicine. A simple man who retired as a Principal of Government School in Tilak Nagar in New Delhi.

Two of my brothers-in-law are Doctors so the treatment started immediately in the best of the hospitals in Delhi. A struggle, failure, hope of success and then restarting the treatment again. This continued for almost three years and finally the doctors at RML Hospital surrendered.

Now, what I am going to tell you is something that you will not believe, but is happened.

My family had already left for Delhi to be with him in his last days and I was stuck here in Udaipur for obvious office reasons. We believe, the entire office would fall apart if we took leave. We do not accumulate leaves, rather, we accumulate bad health, palpitation, occupied mind and stress.

Everyone in Delhi informed me that my father-in-law did not have time, but I had this faith that, no matter what, he would not leave this world without seeing and meeting me. Our bonding was enough to support this faith.

Two days before his death, I was in Udaipur. It was 28th March 2010 and I had come late from office. After eating light dinner, I tried sleeping. It was around 1:00 AM (01:00 hours) and I felt a shadow just outside curtains of my bedroom door. I could not raise from the bed and asked who it was. The curtains moved a little bit and I could clearly see my father-in-law standing, in the same attire, asking me to come out and meet him, since he has no time left to live and he has to leave now.

As it was so real, I had no inclination that it could be a dream. My conversation started with him - I told him “Pitaji how come you here. I would meet you in Delhi only and I am flying tomorrow morning and right now you go.” He was not ready to leave, he said “Beta Ji, I know you are very busy, and you would not come. Don’t be annoyed. I have myself come to meet you. Just come out and meet me so that I can leave.”

I was also quite stubborn like him. I also decided to not come out and remained on the bed. He again said, “Beta Ji, I don’t have time and please meet me since without meeting you I cannot leave. We promised each other. Do you want me to suffer pain and remain alive? I want to hug and leave.” But I again insisted, “If I meet you now, I am sure you would leave this world right away and I don’t want to see this. I want to meet you in Delhi where we both belonged and want to talk to you the way we used to discuss. I want to have a last conversation with you in Delhi only. You go and wait for me till tomorrow and I will meet you, it’s a promise.”

“Don’t be so stubborn Beta, come out. I know tomorrow you will make some more excuses”, said Pitaji. I promised him and also showed him air-tickets of Air India flight to Delhi and assured him that I will be there.

The conversation continued for long and neither he came inside, nor I came out of the room to meet him. I was trying to sleep, and he was still standing there asking me to meet him. At around 3:00 AM I saw his shadow missing. I could not see or hear him.

It was already morning. With all the thoughts of conversation with Pitaji, which I understood as a dream, I was getting ready to catch the flight. My brother-in-law and family were calling me to continuously to ensure that I boarded the flight.

As I reached Delhi, I went straight to the hospital. I saw him in ICU. He was unconscious but alive. Many relatives had gathered in the hospital. They knew it was any time.

After seeing him, I came out with my brothers-in-law, who is also a Doctor in RML Hospital and enquired about my father-in-law condition. He said, “Pitaji has been asking about you all the time. Whenever he becomes conscious, he enquires about you. Yesterday he was quite upset and was complaining that we had not informed you about his condition. He insisted that if we don’t tell you immediately, he would himself go to Udaipur and meet you.”

I remembered what had happened a night before and asked my brother-in-law laughingly the time of Pitaji said all this.

“It was mid-night and around 1:00 AM we had actually lost him. Pitaji had lost his breathe and all the doctors rushed to revive him. Some injections, some therapies, some machines, everything was applied to revive him. We thought he is gone but after 2 hours of struggle, we could get his breathe back and he became conscious. It was 3:00 AM that time”, my brother-in-law said.

I could not believe this. Between 1:00 AM to 3:00 AM he was with me in Udaipur. So, it was not a dream. He had actually come and visited me. I did not disclose anything to my brother-in-law since it was beyond my imagination. But this was also confirmed by another doctor who I met later in the ICU.

I went back to my father-in-law and sat beside him. He was not responding to any medicine or to anyone. But as I held his hand, he opened his eyes. He knew I had come. He looked at me and was very happy to see me. All the ventilators did not allow him to move his head or talk, but I could see his eyes speaking. I asked him, “it was you who came to meet me in Udaipur”, and he nodded his head in affirmation. I again asked, “it was you who stood there for 2 hours to meet me and I did not come out”. He again nodded his head in affirmation. I asked him again, “do you know why I didn’t come out”. He again nodded his head in affirmation. He kept his other hand on my hand and pressed it. As if telling me that I wanted to meet him physically and not his shadow. It was time for me to nod my head in affirmation with eyes full of tears.

I knew it was going to be my last conversation with him. I started – “Pitaji, its been more than 10 years we met, and we bonded from the day one. You have seen much of the pain since I left Delhi. No one wants to see you in such pain. There are hundreds of people praying for your early recovery. But we know god needs you more this time. Let the life loose now. Let it leave. You have always been so active, and this medical equipment doesn’t seem to be helping. The one who needs you now is waiting for your consent.” His hands gripped tightened further as if not wanting to leave.

I assured him that we will meet again, and I will be the one who would recognize him. He would not need to search for me; I will search for him. And for me, he will always remain with me - healthy and alive. I made him recall our conversations that we had in past 10 years. He closed his eyes slowly and his hand drips only became tighter.

Next morning, he left for his final journey. He left on the same day he was born, the Hanuman Jayanti – 30th March 2010.

For me he is still alive. We do not put a garland on his photograph. And I still continue with my conversation with him.