My Journey To Wholeness

In 2022 I fell deeply in love.?

I had already met my life partner many years back and officially started dating in 2020. So that is’t the kind of love I am referring to when I say I was in love in 2022. You see I am speaking of that which you go out of your normal, you do what you thought was the impossible, you embrace and discover your body and your being in ways you never thought you would dare to…but I did!

The universe was kind to me. It allowed me explore so much of it and knew sides to me I kept in the closet or better yet I didn’t think I could give because it never was and still is, maybe not a thing. But my fantasies were met. All of them. Yes…all of them.?

I married the man of my dreams! Well, I thought that was magic until I discovered even more magic all year through.?

But amidst the guilty pleasures and life escapades I also found myself in tuned with my consciousness and real life priorities.?

I learnt way more about surrendering my life to God fully and completely. I experienced God’s mercy and favour in more ways than one.?

I also dealt with deep sadness. The loss of a close work colleague, friend and brother.?

I am not sure what was most difficult for me.?

Whether knowing about the reoccurrence of cancer with my mum after she had lived 10years without it, or the immediate confirmation of my friend telling me that he has also been diagnosed of cancer.?

The same year brought me face to face with joy, sadness and most of all it reawakened my knowledge of the uncertainties of this thing called “life”.

The same me…was going through all of the emotions.?

Seven months into 2022, I lost my colleague. The same friend who had told me about his cancer diagnosis. All in the same year.?

This sadness was felt by almost (if not all) every Sierra Leonean who knew him or came across him. My friend was light. He was hope. He was one of the people we referred to as the good Sierra Leoneans. But we lost him. We lost him to the cold hands of death but his memories will forever stay with me(us).?

So with that loss, I dared to do something I considered bold. I started a new hair journey. In memory of him and more so in healing for self. I figured just maybe….I could reconnect with all of me through my hair. Maybe starting new, with something I would have to maintain, nurture and grow, was what I needed to once again begin to live.

I did my SisterLocs installation on 2nd August 2022. The day my same friend (and of many) was laid to rest. Unfortunately, I couldn’t physically be at the funeral and so while I virtually attended, I was at the same time using that moment to feel the hurt, deep sadness and also begin a new path through my hair.?

Life as they say, still had more for me, I was also about to confront a life decision I had made and it was time to act on it. So, in September I took the big leap of faith. I knew then, what I still acknowledge that God was with me, still is and always will be with me.?

In all of this, I had work and which by the way, as we all know is pretty much one of the very constant denominator in the life of an adult. So, in all of life’s happening in 2022 I still had to cater to the requirements of my work, to which I was expected to be excellent at in all time. I gave in my best while I still had to deal with my mum’s health, which by the way I take no credit for, because I am blessed to have an exceptional family (my dad, elder sister, niece and nephew) who have been by her side through it all. But, even though I wasn’t physically present, that did not prevent me (us) from going through the emotional stress, scare and the uncertainties that cancer of any form comes with. Thankfully, in October after a surgery and six weeks of radiation, our mum was once again declared cancer free. In all of this, through her, again, I learnt faith in God at a way higher frequency than I had ever done in the past.

Now, like everyone else, I was in the last quarter of the year.?

Reflecting through my experiences, allowing myself to be consumed by all of it and not choosing which was harder, I learnt to let go and embrace life. I learnt that there were grey areas and that life wasn’t white or black as I had believed. I also learnt to be way more kind to myself than I had before. I knew way more about accountability, the wrong act of name calling and that I wasn’t as perfect as I thought I was, I too like everyone else was liable to mistakes and to doing things I shouldn’t do but I did it, anyway.?

I learnt patience. I learnt love. A different kind of love!

I learnt me!

Learnt me in ways I know that I am only but beginning ….

Beginning to discover many more things about me…

Beginning to learn and unlearn a whole lot more about life, about my being, about my purpose, about my existence, about my life!

But most importantly, I learnt that my journey with Christ was ever so evolving.

And so when the pastor at the branch church that I currently attend said that 2023 was our journey to “wholeness” I knew then and now, that she was speaking to me. I felt God’s voice through her. I felt ownership of those words. I felt there was no other better way to interpret what this year meant to me.?

So, here I am owning the words of the pastor and claiming it by faith that 2023 will be my journey to WHOLENESS!

I don’t know what this year means to you, but I do know this…I know that it is a New Year and as long as you are alive, it is another opportunity given to you by God to live and do better.?

Happy New Year!