My Journey Through Rejection: Finding Resilience and Self-Acceptance Along the Way

A while ago, I opened my Gmail inbox and saw a subject line that read: "Congratulations! You are accepted to speak at Conference X, an international worldwide conference!"

I felt a surge of positive emotions and excitement, as this was a confirmation of the hard work I had been putting into my mission and its recognition at such a prestigious level. They had even included a speaker's image with my picture and the title of my proposed presentation.

I wanted to scream from the rooftops and call my mother. She is one of the few people I share my successes with because I know she won't envy me, even if she still doesn't quite understand what I do.

However, a little voice inside me said, "Wait, don't share. Keep it to yourself."

A day later, I received another email with the subject line: "Erratum."

Apparently, they had made a mistake, and my submission was still pending. I knew then that someone must have changed their mind for some reason.

In my head, I tried to overthink it and play the victim card, feeling as if I had been marginalized once again. Perhaps my presentation was too out-of-the-box for traditional mindsets to accept. Or maybe it was a genuine error, and I had simply experienced a moment of bad luck.

I felt sad and disappointed for a few days. Despite my spiritual nature, I am quite competitive when it comes to exceeding my own expectations within my work. So when something doesn't work out, I feel the sting of rejection more deeply than when I succeed.

Over time, I have gotten better at letting go and adopting a higher perspective, understanding that whatever doesn't work out wasn't meant to be, and something better is on its way.

Sometimes, that "something better" takes quite a while to appear.

Other times, it's just around the corner.

When we feel rejected, we are often told not to take it personally. While it's important to use our energy to move forward in life, it's also unrealistic to expect that we won't feel any negative emotions at all.

It does feel personal when we have hope that we're finally getting great opportunities to showcase our mission, only to have the rug pulled out from under us.

It feels personal when we're constantly judged based on our appearance and gender.

And it feels personal when we have to work twice as hard to prove ourselves worthy of a seat at the table.

For years, this was my reality, and I became accustomed to rejection. I recall entering meetings with military generals who initially didn't take me seriously. It was only when I demonstrated my intellect that some began to shift their perceptions. Others never did and refused to engage with me.

Some even insisted on meeting with my boss only if I was present, as they valued my critical thinking. Thankfully, my boss at the time was a kind person and one of my biggest supporters.

Working in a highly competitive environment with few opportunities for women to advance, you can imagine the challenges someone like me faced, as my passion and ambition intimidated many people, more women than men in my case.

More often than not, I was shown my place by being excluded from important conversations and events.

This experience has helped me become more resilient to rejection in a way that I don't let it hold me back. Instead, I use it as fuel to re-energize or redirect myself, but never to quit or give up.

However, the emotional pain of rejection is still felt each time it occurs. Especially because I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), like approximately 20% of the global population. I was unaware of this trait for a long time, until I began to research and develop new strategies for taking care of my nervous system, which ultimately improved my quality of life. But that's a topic for another reflection!

These nine practices, principles, and reminders have helped me find peace when I feel the pain of rejection:

You see, life is not about numbing ourselves, but about feeling without judgment. That's how we embrace our human experience on our journey through this world.

Embracing Emotions: Healing and Shifting Perspectives

I allow myself to feel my emotions and change my perspective. Often as children, our feelings are not validated, and we are left feeling as though our emotions are somehow wrong. "Stop crying, boys don't cry. Buckle up, you are strong! This is life – I also suffered; if you want to make it, you have to suffer." Such statements are misguided. We are human beings, gifted with emotions as a guiding system for our unique and personal life experiences. When we permit ourselves to feel, we release past baggage, overcome limiting beliefs, and live life with a much lighter burden to bear.

Moving Beyond Rejection: Feedback, Not Judgment

I stopped internalizing rejections. One of the primary reasons we might take rejection so personally is because we internalize it, believing there must be something wrong with us. Alternatively, we may view rejection as confirmation that our weaknesses are indeed catastrophic. Instead, it's essential to understand that rejection is someone's opinion and viewpoint. By staying connected to who you are, rejection becomes less daunting, as you perceive it as feedback rather than a definitive judgment.

From Rejection to Reflection: Embracing Introspection for Growth

Let rejection lead to reflection. When we feel rejected, our defensive mechanisms may kick in, causing us to project our negative emotions by blaming others. This approach might provide temporary relief or make us feel better, but if we don't turn inward and practice introspection, we miss the opportunity to grow from the experience, gaining wisdom and clarity for our path forward.

Rejection as Feedback: Turning Setbacks into Growth and Self-Worth

Rejection is feedback. When I reflect on the times I felt rejected, I often feel grateful because something much better came along. These experiences taught me to love and believe in myself more, increasing my sense of self-worth rather than diminishing it. Particularly in relationships, when we feel rejected, we may automatically assume that there is something wrong with us. However, it's crucial to understand that we won't be everyone's cup of tea. That doesn't mean we need to turn into coffee.

Embracing Self-Love to Overcome Rejection

Rejection feels painful because, at some point, we may have abandoned ourselves. This realization hits hard for me, as I have worked diligently to overcome my abandonment issues and feel worthy of my dream life and relationships. When you experience rejection from someone or something, it's essential to ensure that you never reject yourself. Finding peace amidst rejection comes from knowing that, at your core, you are loved and you are enough just as you are. First and foremost by yourself.

Self-Love: Advocating for Yourself Through Rejection

For me, self-love goes beyond self-care or affirmations. It's about being your biggest advocate during your darkest times. When I felt abandoned by life, financially broke, without support, and rejected by work opportunities, I made sure that I still felt love for myself. I ensured that I forgave myself for poor business decisions, for trusting others too soon, and paid attention to how I viewed myself. True self-love is accepting both your positive and negative qualities and loving yourself without judgment.

Fuelling Your Potential: Moving Beyond your Past

Never live your life based on memory; instead, let imagination fuel your potential. I have faced rejection countless times, and my mind has accumulated a whole filing cabinet of past experiences that seem to remind me of the slim chances for positive outcomes. Understanding neuroscience shows that this is a normal process. However, you cannot let rejection hold you back from unrealized and unseen potential. Everything is created twice: first in your mind, and then in your reality. Don't let your past define your future.

Ghosting is a Lack of Communication, Not Rejection.

Ghosting is not rejecting. The act of ghosting has become increasingly common in today's society. Our inability to communicate uncomfortable truths often leads to exiting with radio silence. This is true for both personal and professional relationships. I have been guilty of this as well. I used to take it as a personal rejection, but now I see it as a lack of interest or communication skills, which is a reflection of the other party, not me. I speak my truth, which may make me unpopular at times, but I prefer to be unpopular rather than leave someone guessing if something is wrong with them. Of course, this doesn't apply to people I don't know, such as members of royal families with only three followers on LinkedIn.

Curate Your Inner Circle for More Inner Peace

Curate your inner circle. I have a very small inner circle, and I keep it that way intentionally. We often jump into relationships or believe words before we see consistent actions, only to feel rejected when people start showing their true nature, which may not be compatible with our way of life. By this point, we may be too attached, settle for less, and experience a continuous sense of rejection. This may sound insensitive or harsh, but I speak from experience. Taking the time to develop relationships, to get to know someone, and not hide who you are is crucial for your inner peace. Of course, many people might not appreciate your authentic self. Not everyone likes Nadja's energy, and that's okay. But by being authentic, you clear the way for those who love you for who you are, appreciate your energy, and with whom you can be yourself without pretending. When people reject you, all they are saying is that you are not their cup of tea and they are unwilling to drink anything else but tea! So ensure your inner circle is filled with people who are your roots in life, not branches or leaves that break or fall with the slightest storm or wind in life.

My son is a source of motivation for me, and his positive energy when I feel low is like medicine for my soul. I remember a few years ago, I got rejected for an opportunity that I really needed at the time. No feedback, just ghosting again. We were in the supermarket, and he noticed a few tears rolling down my cheeks and insisted on knowing what was wrong. So I told him that I was rejected for an opportunity.

He gave me some tough love and reminded me of my dreams. Then he said something so sweet that still warms my heart when I think of it today.

"Mommy, don't worry. You are born to be a shining star. All these people who are judging and rejecting you now will regret not working with you in a few years. Keep your eyes on your dreams.

And mommy, you have a big heart. Not everyone deserves a piece, be careful who you trust."

My son is quite loud, so many people stopped around us, and were as flabbergasted by his wise words as I was.

I dried my tears, and I felt a surge of energy which fueled me forward and helped me become unstoppable, no matter how many rejections lie ahead.

I hope it will do the same for you and that you take my son's wise words to heart. You are a shining star, and don't let the darkness of rejection dim your light and hold you back.

As long as you accept yourself, nothing or no one can reject you.

Love,

Nadja ?? ?? ??