My journey from anti-feminist to fierce advocate

Hello! Welcome to the fourth edition of my newsletter.?

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This one was a tough one to write, as I am disappointed in my past self. I'd love your feedback, and reflections, as well as thoughts on your own journeys.

On the theme of IWD, I thought I’d write about my own journey from ignorance to anger about the gender unequal world we live in. I’ll be covering:

?? How my career opened my eyes to how far we still have to go to achieve equality

?? A few horror stories to illustrate the problem

???????? Three steps for companies to start to create genuinely equal environments that inherently foster diversity and inclusivity

I’ve had countless frustrating conversations about gender equality in recent years, as I became more aware of the problem. I feel guilty to say that when I was in my late teens and early twenties, I probably wasn’t a feminist. I felt a sense of pride that I could thrive in an environment that most women couldn’t. That I didn’t let my autoimmune disease hold me back. And then it all came tumbling down, and I took a good hard look at myself, and what I was inadvertently supporting.

Let’s rewind to 2012, I’d just left school and had secured a place on two prestigious Gap Year Schemes. I had planned to do both during my gap year, working in London rather than travelling the world to earn some money and give me a better chance of getting into a good job after university.?

I walked into a seemingly gender equal environment with a lot of women in these firms, particularly in consulting. I had grown up, like many girls, with sexist comments being relatively normal, so the behaviour that ensued didn’t alarm me too much at the time; but, looking back, it makes me nauseous.?

I was 18 at the time, and during the course of 14 months I was: pinned up against the wall of a lift by a random man trying to kiss me; followed to my locker when getting my bags after a night out to see if I was “up for it”;? asked to sit on the lap of a partner at a client dinner ( amazingly, I actually obliged); was told off by a female partner in the middle of the trading floor because you could see my knees (I was not wearing a mini skirt); and told to “take a nap under the desk” because my period pain gave me such a bad migraine that I lost sight in one eye.?

But I carried on, thinking that this was normal, and still feeling proud of myself that I could survive in that environment.

At that time, the environment wasn’t the problem, my inability to deal with it would be.?

After university, I started my career in investment banking, which was hardly the most gender equal environment, especially in 2015. I was one of two women in an equity research division of 100.

Team nights out would frequently end in strip clubs (which I never went to); I got stranded in the outskirts of Brussels at an equity research event because it was entirely male and they all knew each other and forgot that I had gone to the loo when they all got into taxis and left.?

But I enjoyed the pint drinking, vindaloo eating, fiercely competitive environment and again, felt proud that I was able to survive in that kind of workplace.?

Then I got sacked and everything changed.?

As I talked about in my previous newsletter, I was sacked for asking to work from home one day per week to accommodate my autoimmune disease.? Shortly afterwards, the one other woman in the division was sacked too. It opened my eyes to the inequality that truly exists in the workplace… about five years too late.?

I subsequently spoke to hundreds of other women that had been let go because of needing to work part time, taking maternity leave, working from home sometimes, not conforming to the stereotypical traits that women are expected to, and a whole myriad of other, ultimately, discriminatory, reasons.?

This made me angry; so angry that women are conditioned to just get on with things, to accept the unacceptable, and, in my case, be proud of the fact that I was able to thrive in an environment that didn’t suit most women.?

Then I co-founded Flexa Careers, and entered into another very male dominated environment. However, this time, I had the fire within me to want to change this. To support women. To bring men into the conversation. To stop putting up with the unacceptable. But that’s a story for another time…?

The aim of this newsletter is to highlight how workplaces are not equal yet, and more work needs to be done. Fundamentally, the workplace was designed by men, for men, because women were the ones who stayed at home and looked after the children and the household. Back then, we didn’t need to go to work, but now we do, and we want to, yet the workplace hasn’t changed.?

So, what can companies do to close the gap?

There are three crucial steps that workplaces can take to make progress in creating inclusive environments that don’t just work better for women, but enable everyone to thrive, regardless of gender.?

1. Embrace true flexibility. As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, flexibility doesn’t mean no rules. But it does mean a degree of freedom within a framework that is afforded to everyone, regardless of “request” or “reason”. You can learn about crafting a truly flexible environment here.?
2. Ensure that there is female representation at all levels. In order for society to change, we need to change the stereotype of the roles that women play and do. At the moment, for every one woman that joins a senior leadership level, two are leaving. This has to change, as otherwise organisations won’t be pushed to evolve, and women earlier on in their careers will have no one to guide them and follow as role models and mentors.?
3. Foster an inclusive culture. Sexist jokes are still a thing. Women being talked over is still a thing. Paying men more is still a thing. These things need to be called out and eradicated, and every company has a responsibility to do so.?

And, of course, you can lead with transparency through Flexa , which has a 70% female user base, not by design, but because women need more information to make an educated decision about where they want to work, because society is not yet set up to be equal. Find out if you’re eligible to join here.?