My Journey Back to Tanzania 50 Years After I Left: Joyful and Cathartic

We were flying into Dar-es-Salaam, the capital of Tanzania,?in the still of night, my first time back? in 50 years.? Asleep across the aisle were the people who bring me the most joy - my son and daughter.? The sky was clear, and the stars shone bright. The sprawling city shimmered, as did the lights on the ships in the harbour.????

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As we began our steep descent over the Indian Ocean, my mind went to 1910? when my dada bapa (paternal grandfather) stepped off a ship that had sailed from Bombay (now Mumbai), India to Dar-es-salaam which was part of Deutsch-Ostafrika, a German colony.? He traveled “third class”, bunked with other men.? Many were seasick as it took weeks to cross the Indian Ocean.? ? Dadabapa was ready for his new beginnings in a country where he neither knew anyone, nor spoke the language or understood the customs ? A courageous?man, he had stepped out of his comfort zone for the promise of a better future for himself and his future family.??

As I stepped off the plane my eyes welled up, and my heart sang. Once in the terminal, I was enveloped by the humid sea air.? The immigration officer looked at my passport,? and said, “karibuni—welcome back.”? “Asante sana,” I said -? thank you very much in Swahili.?

Before long, we were en route to Kilimanjaro airport and the one-hour drive to Moshi, where I was born.? Tears streamed down my cheeks as the majestic Mount Kilimanjaro came into view.? My heart skipped a beat, then another.? A spiritual feeling came upon me.? I imagined papa looking down upon us, his dark eyes twinkling.? My childhood flashed in front of my eyes.? It had been a very happy one, filled with love, family,? friends, and community.? I felt a sense of calm, alongside deep gratitude.?

I pinched myself as we descended into Kilimanjaro airport.? I had avoided making this journey, but finally had the courage to face my unresolved grief. To show my children where I was born and lived until I was 14, made it even sweeter.? I hoped they’d get to know me better through this experience.? Moshi was also where their nanabapa (my papa, Kassamali) was born.? We were? excited to be on this journey together.? And yes, I had fears. What would it feel like to be back in Moshi, the town I left almost fifty years ago? Would I be sad?? Disappointed?? Or would it bring the inner peace I was searching for?? (Post script - I’ve answered this question: ??)