My Journey - Back to Work after maternity sabbatical!

11 years ago, I quit my job with the Corporate HR Department of a leading Indian Conglomerate, where I was doing all that, I loved, Leadership Development, Talent Management, Learning & Development. Life was great. I really enjoyed what I did.

I was doing Big things, making a difference in my own way...

When I gave birth to my son. I wanted to be with him, in the initial years. So, I quit, thinking I will get back soon.

After 3-4 tumultuous years I did manage to start doing HR consulting assignments, before my daughter was born.

But that time was really tough!

No classes or talks can actually prepare you for motherhood, nothing prepared me for:

- How lost I would feel without my work.

- How my self worth would suffer by only doing baby and home duty and nothing else

- How my ever-soaring confidence would be shaken

- How I would long for adult conversation and intellectual engagement

- How I would always wonder "why I studied so much and worked so hard?"

- How I wouldn’t get time to read a book or even sleep

- How I would not want to socialise because I always felt so overwhelmed

- How I would lose touch with friends because I never got around calling back or managing a conversation more than 5 minutes.

- How my maid not coming would become the biggest news of the day

- How my cook bunking would slide me into a deep hole of helplessness

- How I would suddenly have to open my eyes to unpleasant sides of people I had not seen before (not had time for before since I was working - and couldn’t have cared less)

- How I would feel my partner was viewing me differently now that I was not the high-profile career woman, he had married

- How people would think I don’t need help with the child, since I was home anyway, and not that I had any job to go to!

- How helpless I would feel unable to understand why my child was crying, wondering if I was a good enough mom

- For all the hurtful judgements and criticism from people who were feeding on my insecurities of not being good enough

I wanted to just leave the kids and go back to doing what I was good at doing! Designing and Delivering - Development programs and the comfortable environment at the workplace, making presentations and talking a language I was used to and comfortable with, where there were no crying or sick babies who needed to be nursed, fed, educated, soothed, put to sleep, cleaned and kept safe.

But I couldn’t and didn’t run - I had to embrace all that, own it.

And then as I got better at managing my own energy and life, managing the kids got easier too. They were literally little reflections of my own energy levels. The days I was stressed, they caught on and acted up. The days I was calm and collected, they were a breeze to manage!! I have had so many learnings in my parenting journey, really grateful for that!

But after I won that battle with myself, I realised there was one more. ...THE ONE TO START WORKING .... that was a big one too....

I have always been a working woman and have always imagined myself to be working woman.

You know in the movie "The Iron Lady - when Margaret Thatcher’s husband proposes to her, she says - But you must know this - "I don’t want to die while washing a tea cup!"

I so resonated with that, you know I'll confess, I have a gift, I was given a vision, very early in my life, about how I was to spend my life, and making and raising babies and looking after a house alone definitely were not part of it!"

Sad part is, I didn’t own that part of me fully. I was still trying to act like the perfect mother expecting my vision to fulfil itself. I wanted to fulfil my dream and vision, I loved having it--BUT I did not have the courage to act on it. Did not have the courage to stand up for myself! I was so dependent on the approval and acceptance from others!!

Don’t get me wrong - I love my kids immensely- They are the centre of my world! But I knew - that’s not ALL I could do! I was cut out for more. We all are! Our kids learn from us - I didn’t want my daughter falling prey to the societal conditioning I had fallen prey to - and that was my BIGGEST trigger - to get back to work!

I asked myself - Would I be happy if my daughter was living the kind of life I was living ? The answer to that gave me my decision!

I also knew I did not want to go back to a full-time corporate role. I wanted to work on my terms, I wanted a work life that suited me. Where I was doing ONLY what I loved and I was there for my kids too.

So that was the next battle

First - Owning my vision. Accepting it as a gift from God/nature/Universe. Knowing this was unique to me.

Second - Deciding it was important enough for me to risk a few things and people in my life. Deciding that I was going to act on it - In this lifetime itself! Realising that half my life had already past, and I had no guarantee card on how long I was going to live!

Third - Realising that my kids were not stopping me - I was using them as a reason to not ACT, to not RISK, to not live my full life, because I was just so comfortable playing the VICTIM card and staying in my comfort zone.

Fourth - Becoming that person who could fulfil that dream. Here started my intense, powerful, beautiful and highly uncomfortable journey into self-discovery, self-awareness, self-development and growth. Getting to know and owning all aspects of my personality, good, bad, ugly!

Fifth - Learning to love and accept myself - This was a big one as giving up my need to impress and be accepted by people who didn’t get me. Getting over years of people pleasing and co-dependency

Sixth - Hiring Coaches and investing in programs that I resonated with

All this led me to my calling - my work - Coaching!!

And after pursuing that with all that I had and some more - Now I have a flourishing and profitable coaching practice, and am creating new content, tools and workshops that are helping me fulfil my dream!

Had I not gone through all these uncomfortable and annoying parts. I would not have been able to become the person I have become and not been doing my life’s work!

Am sharing all this as often women don’t speak about these challenges, suffer in silence or are in denial that they have any issues at all. In fact, many are even in denial that they have a higher purpose or dream. All stuffed under the mask of being the perfect, mother, wife, daughter, daughter in law etc. I've been there, you can’t fool me!

Even if they realise - they don’t know what to do and where to start. And so, I am being as open and honest in sharing my journey. It is my life’s work to shake up as many women as I can to reclaim their Radiance.

You can create your own reality. THE ONLY ONE STOPPING YOU IS YOU !