My journey...

As we celebrate the month of pride, I wanted to take fairly a big step and share a little more about my own personal journey, I’ll try not to bore you! ??

For years I struggled with accepting my sexuality and who I am and, to some degree, I’m still on this journey to this day... Growing up as a kid in South East London I knew I was different, I had different feelings compared to my friends, I felt different, but was too terrified to ever be open about it.

This continued for years throughout my teens then into my working career, where I felt completely ashamed and quite alone. I would put on a suit every day to create this slightly different version of myself whilst living a complete lie to my family, friends and work colleagues. I was quite often the loudest one in the room but inside I felt completely broken. Naturally being a bit of a lad, I played the “straight card” well but underneath all this it was playing heavily on my mental health.

Throughout my career working in recruitment, I think, to some degree, there is a fear of acceptance, and in particular, the relative lack of diversity in the sector fuelled my reluctance to voluntarily stand out from the crowd. Out of fear, I hid my private life from colleagues and clients, and I couldn’t summon the confidence in myself to be truly Ant.

Be it on the sales floor or in a board meeting; evading questions about my personal life became like dodging bullets, I was certain that by revealing my sexuality, my relationships in work would become difficult.

A few years ago, I remember vividly being in a manager’s meeting, there was quite a bit of lad’s banter getting thrown about, and after asking me about my weekend and what I go up to, I then got asked

“Anthony, you know I’ve always had a feeling your gay? Something tells me you are, so come on, are you?”

The whole room went completely silent, you could hear a pin drop. My natural reaction was to shrug it off, laugh and answer “No mate, I am not gay” I don’t remember a single thing for the next 90 minutes of the meeting. I was so angry and upset at myself that I didn’t have the confidence to just say “Yes, I am” and completely own it.

I guess, weirdly, I took some comfort in knowing that I am respected because I’m good at my job, not for any other reason, and so my sexuality shouldn’t be a factor. In fact, now looking back, by hiding my sexuality, I realised the impact it was having on my performance at work. I was using up so much mental energy, I was constantly distracted and felt drained.

Over time, I started to become a little more comfortable in my own skin, and started opening up to my closest friends, who didn’t show me anything but pure love and support. This gave me huge comfort and I guess the confidence to take further steps when it came to my family and my workplace.

I was itching for a fresh start, so started interviewing with other companies. I really wanted to understand different firm’s culture, its people, and how inclusive they are. I decided that in my next role, I would be completely Ant from the get-go and put my best foot forward.

I know how important first impressions are, and remember when sitting down with the owner here at DVF, we had such an honest and authentic first round discussion. He was pretty proud of having built such a diverse workforce over the years and I felt it from the moment I walked out the lift and was greeted by the receptionist. It’s something that still resonates with me to this day, I felt included.

Since coming out at work, I have felt so much better in myself and have been able to build much stronger relationships both internally and externally. I also certainly feel like I have taken major leaps forward in my career since fully accepting who I am.

Fast forward 4 years, now leading DVF, I truly feel that if the culture and environment is right, people will treat you with respect no matter what. If your team can come to work and completely be themselves and feel comfortable in the workplace, they will undoubtably excel.

I often get asked by clients how can you provide us with more diverse candidates? What are you doing differently? Why should we partner with you? My main answer to that is to first and foremost make sure both DVF/CL are internally built as diverse as possible.

It’s not about having 10 Anthony’s sitting across the sales floor but about building out the teams from different cultures, backgrounds, religions and sexual orientation. So, when we go out to market and speak to candidates or clients, we bring our own experiences and ideas, and we can see things through a multitude of different lenses.

As human beings, we prefer sameness to difference.

If we don’t consciously include, we will unconsciously exclude. – LGBT+ at Work | Podcasts | CIPD