My Imposter Syndrome Story

This is the third part of my Imposter syndrome series.

In this issue, we explore my imposter syndrome story to discover the real impacts of imposter syndrome on software developers.

You can delve into more detail about imposter syndrome in part 1 -?Is it really Imposter Syndrome?

And you can deep dive into where it comes from and how it takes hold in part 2 -?5 Key Influences Behind Imposter Syndrome

Let’s recap on what Imposter syndrome is with a definition and a brief summary.

Imposter Syndrome: A psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a "fraud", despite evidence of their competence.

To Summarise Imposter Syndrome

?? It’s caused by HOW you think.

?? This way of thinking is persistent.

?? Evidence exists of your competence.

With that covered, let’s kick on.

My Story

My imposter syndrome story involves a new job, smart developers, huge expectations, and a less-than-optimal culture…

?? And, of course,?my own thinking!

New Job

It started with the interview; it went really well, maybe too well.

I’d worked for this guy several years earlier, and it was clear that he respected me and my talents as a software engineer.

Of course, this should have been a massive positive, but instead,

I‘m thinking:

?? “What if he thinks I’m better than I am?”

Next, the salary was higher than I’d ever earned before…

?? They’ll expect perfecttion for that money; I’d better not mess up.

Then… the statement, “You’ll be working with some of the best developers around”…

This should be awesome, right??

Lots to learn from awesome devs…?

But…

?? What if they all know way more than me?

?? I’ll look stupid if my solutions don’t match up to theirs…

?? If I ask for help, they might think I'm not good enough...

It’s fair to say I was on edge. I’d been battling all kinds of negative Thought Recursion for days before I arrived at the office…

Huge Expectations

In my first meeting with my boss, I was told that two different developers had attempted this project, and both attempts had been thrown away because they couldn’t get it to work…?

Now it was my turn… from scratch… gulp…

?? If two developers have failed, how will I do any better?

?? Can I even do this from scratch?

I’ll be honest, I was bricking it, even though it wasn’t my first time in an environment like this, and it wasn’t my first time taking on a project from scratch...

But I had conveniently forgotten that…

Environment

The office felt dark and was open plan.

Everyone could see my screen, and I felt paranoid that others were watching what I was doing.

A huge image projected on the wall in the centre of the room had seven or eight green rectangles on it...?

It was the current build status of our projects.

My first thought:

?? Ah, that’s cool…

My second thought:

?? Oh god, everyone will know if I break the build…

?? This is a short version

The full version concludes with:

--> Smart?Developers

--> The Result

--> Spoiler Alert

--> Software Development Factors

--> The Impact On Software Developers

You can find it here:

Rich’s Recommendations

Check out my recommendations to improve your wellbeing, mindset, leadership or tech skills:

?? Basma Taha - Your Guide to Fast-Track Your Software Engineering Career. Newsletter: An Engineer's Echo

?? Hemant Pandey - Writes about career growth, study abroad and life experiences.

He's a Tech Lead at Meta.

Newsletter: The Hustling Engineer

?? Crushing Digital - Dave Roberts Get help to stand out in the market, land more interviews and get the job you deserve.

?? NK’s weekly newsletter to learn system design: Newsletter: System Design Newsletter

?? Dev Leader’s weekly newsletter to help you level up as a software engineer! From a Principal Engineering Manager at Microsoft. Newsletter: Dev Leader Weekly

?? John Crickett’s weekly coding challenge to help software engineers level up: Newsletter: Coding Challenges

Conclusion

Imposter syndrome has a real impact on software developers, and it’s not just a professional impact.?

The thoughts, feelings and behaviours spill over into our personal lives too, impacting our ability to show up as our natural selves in our relationships with family and friends.

It not only sucks the life and enjoyment out of work, but it can do the same for your personal hobbies too.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Imposter syndrome isn't inevitable.

In part 4, I’ll discuss how you can beat imposter syndrome and what’s more, you can take this approach before imposter syndrome ever comes knocking.

Prevention is better than cure.

Remember

There's nothing more important than your own wellbeing!