My Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever felt like no matter how much progress you make or success you achieve, you don’t truly deserve it or any accolades for it? Or maybe you’ve looked at a potential job opportunity and thought you weren’t even remotely qualified, even though you meet 80% or more of the requirements? You feel like you’re just not good enough, you constantly criticize yourself for not meeting expectations, or are continuously fret over what you could’ve done better.

That feeling is called Imposter Syndrome. A quick internet search for Imposter Syndrome will yield multiple TedTalks, articles, and books written about this subject. And according to the International Journal of Behavioral Science, around 70% of people, almost evenly distributed between women (52%) and men (48%), say they’ve experienced this at some point in their lives.

But what is Imposter Syndrome? It’s when you doubt your own competence, intelligence, skills, and talent and believe you don’t deserve any of your achievements. It’s more than just being a little nervous or insecure about yourself. The biggest part of imposter syndrome is that you fear being exposed as a big fraud for not being good enough for a specific task/job.

Some signs that you may be experiencing imposter syndrome include:

• Perfectionism. That feeling of pressure to perform at your absolute best 100% of the time and when you don’t, you feel incompetent and anxious.
• You don’t accept compliments. You think any success or accomplishment is due to luck or some other outside force rather than your own skills. Or you downplay your skills and brush off any compliment as “just doing your job”.
• You feel guilty about your success. You think others may be more qualified than you and you have self-doubt about your skills and performance.
• You’re so afraid to fail that you don’t even try for new opportunities or areas of interest.

I know I’ve experienced some of these feelings myself. I graduated college with honors, I’ve been working for a Fortune 500 company for over 15 years, and I’m a published author. Yet every time I sit down to the keyboard, I feel like I don’t have anything of value to say. Why would anyone want to listen to me or my experiences? I struggle with the topics I write, worry if it’s just fluff, and more.?

So how to do move past those feelings??Here are a few handy tips:

• Let go of being perfect. Are you comparing yourself to an unrealistic standard? I know I do. I used to think that being a good mom meant that I could work full-time, take care of kids and home, make sure homework is always done, kids were always happy and healthy, and kids had a ton of extracurricular activities. Reframe failure as a learning opportunity and remember that no one is perfect.
• Change your inner voice. Imposter syndrome isn’t something you feel ALL the time, but mostly during specific moments (applying for a job, doing a presentation, speaking in public, etc.). So, when those voices in your head start saying, “you’re going to mess this up” or “I’m just not good at this”, acknowledge the fears then push forward. Reframe the message to be “I’ve got this. I did it last week and it went fine” or “I’ve done all the prep work and I know my material. I can do this”.
• Keep a win list. Remember that you’ve worked very hard, and you’ve been through a lot to get where you are today. Keep a list of your accomplishments or notes of encouragement from others (and keep it handy in case you need a reminder). And don’t forget to celebrate those wins!
• Ask the experts. No one is expected to know everything, especially when taking on a new job or responsibility. One way to alleviate doubt is to learn from someone who’s been there and done that. Reach out to a mentor or someone who’s done your job before and ask for help. Or see if there are any books/online courses you can take to brush up on any needed skills.
• Get your own cheer squad. ?Share what you’re going through with trusted family members, friends, colleagues, or mentors. They’ve likely experienced these feelings at some point and can offer help or just an ear to listen. They may also be your best sounding board and support group to help you move forward.

Remember it’s ok to not know what you’re doing sometimes. Everyone can experience a lack of confidence in their abilities from time to time, even “the greats” in their field.?Just because you experience imposter syndrome, does not mean there is something wrong with you. Embrace your uniqueness, grab your besties, and know you deserve all the good that comes your way.?