My Imaginary Engage Talk

I had the pleasure of attending Engage last Saturday, and as always, it was a wonderful, insightful experience hearing people share their stories. Engage is brilliantly organized by Agatha Juma and Donald Bosire and they have done an exceptional job in creating this platform. During the session, Agatha mentioned that they occasionally receive feedback and suggestions on topics they could explore.

?Most of you know that some of my best perspectives and ‘aha’ moments have come from my dreamtime escapades. My sleeping hours have become my personal think tank and I have shared most of those insights with you, like I am about to do now.

?After returning home from Braeburn Theatre, I retired for the night and had a dream where I reached out to Agatha with a proposal for a future talk on "How Grief Manifests." In this dream, I imagined stories that could inform my thoughts on the topic, and one hypothetical story stood out. The lovely Agatha agreed in this dream, and now, I invite you to imagine yourselves in the audience while I am on stage, mic in hand, and I have cued to action. This is a transcription of everything I said.

?Let’s roll.

?First and foremost, I want to humorously acknowledge that I suffer from a condition I call "public-speaking-myelitis." This is a bit of a personal disclosure and is not up for debate. One of the telltale signs of this condition is that my voice tends to shake for the first few minutes I am on stage, but then, thankfully, it stabilizes, and we can proceed smoothly.

?I am sure it is relatable. We are all human, and this very essence of human nature is actually the crux of what I want to share with you today.

?Pause.

?My name is Lydia Owuor, and I am an Advocate of the High Court of Kenya. For purposes of structure and billing, I am defined as a real estate lawyer. I deal with property buyers and sellers, landlords and tenants, real estate investors, and lenders who are in this space. In terms of connecting the dots, I work closely with physical planners, structural engineers, property valuers, land surveyors, quantity surveyors, architects, property developers and contractors, property managers, real estate agents, government officials in this space, and environmental auditors. If you have had me introduce myself like this before, I am still the same person.

?Pause.

?This conversation takes place in one of the leafy suburbs of Nairobi. The first time I met her, we stood on her land, a serene property with a beautiful bungalow that had served as her family home for decades. She maintained a calm demeanor befitting a matriarch.

?She started by telling me that she had subdivided the land some time ago originally intending to sell only portions of it. However, she had since changed her mind and decided to sell the entire property. In fact, she was already in the process of amalgamating the pieces back together. She further mentioned there had been other interested buyers before us and one even had a boundary survey done, which she offered to show us as a way to reassure us.

?As we continued, she opened up more. She mentioned she was not in the best of health, that she was about to travel for a medical procedure, and she needed the sale to go through quickly. That is why she had significantly reduced the price—far below what the property was worth. She had a qualified advocate handling the transaction but she remained deeply involved in the process, personally engaging officials at the county offices, the survey offices and other departments.

?She then casually mentioned that she had lived on this land for nearly her entire family life. Her children, now grown and with lives of their own, were not interested in the property. They were managing their own assets and had no emotional ties to this place. That, to me, should have been the moment the true weight of the situation became clear. This was not just a financial transaction—it marked the end of an era for her. A chapter of her life was closing, and while she was ready on the surface, it was the kind of heartbreak she could never fully prepare for. It was not how the story was supposed to go, sending her into emotional overdrive.

?Pause.

?Now, I know grief, and I have experienced it in its rawest form. On September 30, 2009 just a few days before my admission to the bar, I received a call at work that would change everything. I was informed that my brother—our firstborn, the funniest person in my life, and one of the few who truly knew and loved me for who I am—had been found murdered here in Nairobi. He was taken from us in the most unimaginable way and left discarded like he was nothing. More than 15 years later, I still fight with the pain of knowing someone I love was treated like that and I struggle to understand what happened. What I do understand, though, is this thing we call grief and the effect it can have on a human being.

?Grief is not just about loss. It is about navigating the emotional void that follows, and that can profoundly alter a person’s perception of their world. When someone loses something deeply tied to their identity, like a home or a significant relationship, it can create a kind of emotional paralysis. The person may struggle with making decisions or may act out of a desire to hasten closure, even if they are not ready to fully let go. This is why grief often complicates even the most rational of processes, like a property sale.

?Pause.

?As I stood on that beautiful piece of land listening to the seller recount her story, I could not tell at the time, but in hindsight, the signs of grief were all there. It only came to light later, when we were struggling to close the transaction, that her words then were not just about the property but reflected a deeper emotional struggle. She was not just selling land; she was letting go of something profoundly personal.

?It is in moments like these that the human element of our work becomes starkly apparent. The legalities of a transaction, the due diligence, and the contract clauses are only one side of the coin. The other side, which is often overlooked, is the emotional landscape that accompanies every transaction.

?End of transcription.

?How am I doing so far? Should I keep going and connect this to Ye’s analogy, or should I hit the sack again for a different way to illustrate this point?