My identity was stolen. The story of society mis-branding an extrovert.

I was an exceptionally bright child with a gift for language and speaking; having been the star performer in our kindergarten play. But when it came for the teachers to add comments to the report cards... it would read the same year after year: "Debbie is an excellent student, but she tends to talk too much". Bamm! and so it begins the journey from being an obvious Extrovert to being squeezed into an Introvert box.

Having come to this realization just now (and yes this is a blog to share my "a ha" moment), I want to share my story to support my mindset shift and for others to maybe benefit from societal mis-branding and not having realized true potential. Don't get me wrong, being branded the introvert and following the nice quiet path of an engineer and later the Head of Quality for a leading corporation has been just fine. However, if we look at the clues along the journey, you can see why I'm frustrated and had to write this article.

Being a smart child was cool because I got special treatment like going to a higher grade to learn what the bigger kids were doing or going to special classes to take tests and do puzzles and get extra books to read. During the summers, I would go to summer reading programs, win prizes for all the reading I did, but what I really enjoyed were writing plays, making puppets and performing at some of the art programs. This subtle clue shows the need for self expression and performing. But when I was skipped to a higher grade because I was starting to get bored; things changed for me for a number of years.

When I showed up for 6th grade I was challenged, but immediately I was bullied as being different and with the harder coursework, it took me a few years to rise again to an A student. Hitting the books and keeping a low profile moved me from the extrovert to the introvert tendencies for several years and I was acknowledge again for my grades and staying focused.

Fast forward to high school I started taking more challenging courses and with that came a spark for speaking up when I could not understand the concept. Even though I would raise my hand repeatedly to get clarity on a topic, the students would give me a hard time and ask me to put my hand down because I asked too many questions. Of course I would see teachers after school to get what I needed, but peers were asking me to keep it down. For me the speaking up and immediate need for resolution leads me to believe the extrovert was coming out who needed self expression.

So let's dial it up a notch and take you to college, again I followed the nice introverted path of studying science and engineering. By this time my self esteem was crushed due to family matters (another blog someday) and playing it safe and quiet was my best bet to navigate through the challenges of a top engineering education. Staying focused on the goal to gain independence and was key which I later achieved.

But then this happened: I got into a selective program in my senior year called the Professional Leadership Program (PLP) and this select management program helped engineers prepare for going into the workforce. I can't remember the circumstances now, but I must have evolved again to be a speaker and was voted by the team to be the spokesperson for our end of year event. So peer recognition as a leader and speaker was starting to peak out again.

After college, I enrolled in Toastmasters to practice speaking which I absolutely loved. I later received a district award for young professional women; having to give speeches in front of tens and hundreds of people along the competitive program. I was expressive and despite nervousness at time; I experienced amazing flow and energy while giving speeches. This later fed my soul by taking assignments that would allow me to do presentations and training. The thrill of preparing and then delivering content that needed to influence people was a real "high" for me and was a source of strength and satisfaction.

But I want to share one more tough story, before I end this so you can see how as a early career engineer, my extrovert tendencies were squelched yet again and pushed me into the Meyer's Brigg or any other test used to profile people of an Introvert.

During a meeting to discuss the required credentials of a quality engineer, I was in a heated discussion with myself, the plant manager, and corporate quality who was guiding the process. There were points of disagreement between operations and corporate and without thinking I spoke up and said "isn't this an operations role", meaning don't we have the final say on what we need. My comment stung for which I later received multiple lashings. I was told I should not have said that or I should not have spoken up and better to have discussed any dissension off line. Well that feedback was the nail in the coffin to think before I speak. For so many years I stayed quiet to avoid conflict and the risk of saying something inappropriate!

So fast forward to the present, I'm still a practicing engineer who has to think and plan how to best service my customers in my consulting business. But the freedom of being my own boss and the following clues has confirmed I'm actually an extrovert:

• Talking to my husband all day about every minute detail about my business; thank goodness he's a great listener
• I'm posting video on Linkedin, writing content almost every day, volunteering to be a podcast guest, doing webinars and publishing articles for my professional organization
• I love to talk to people; actively networking 40% of my time, I seek opportunities for public speaking and I just had my son put up three whiteboards so I could start putting all my ideas "out" on the wall vs in my head.

So given my short (okay long!) history of speaking up and out, I have to believe I'm an extrovert who lost their way due to societal norms. It is only now that I can reflect on where I am most comfortable; being on a stage to express my thoughts and interact with people; a true sign of an Extrovert!

About the author: Quality & Operational Excellence Executive / Writer / Speaker: Deborah A. Coviello thrives in Establishing Partnerships with organizations, Illuminating possibilities and Elevating your organization to achieve Brilliant results. For more information, please check out her website at https://dropinceo.com