My Heart is Pounding in my Neck
Emilia D'Anzica, MBA, PMP
Helping Companies Protect & Grow Revenue | Award-winning Customer Revenue Accelerator | Speaker | Educator | Investor | Open to Board & Advisory Positions | Author, Pressing ON as a Tech Mom | Top LinkedIn Voice
"I feel like my heart is pounding in my neck. I am so stressed out." Words confessed by a woman I hired years ago and who is now a dear friend. The statement was so profound and suffocating, that I kept thinking back to what her words expressed. A debilitating feeling of losing control is common for women I coach and perhaps likely for men too.
After speaking to four women about how they are managing their careers in the new COVID-19 era, I am certain we need to start talking about the challenges being faced and support each other more openly. The women I spoke to have different circumstances, two being in tech and two in the medical field. What they all share is that they have all had successful careers, and not one of them is currently working. One has been managed by four people in a year and a half; the constant change and pressure became unbearable, along with managing a household with children in school. The other was laid off and is struggling to regain her confidence and a new job. The other two, both with working spouses and lack of childcare, can’t return to jobs serving others. It is too risky and their small children can't possibly go back to school in a couple of weeks without someone assisting them with online school work. People are talking about the benefits of working from home, but is it really beneficial for everyone? How can we make it easier for people so they don't feel compelled to leave their professions?
While social distancing is necessary to avoid the further spread of COVID-19, withdrawing from social situations is taking a bigger toll on women than many are willing to admit. The social and psychological toll is harmful and is commonly overshadowed by an urgent sense to support the family and keep everyone else feeling both psychologically and physically safe. A mental breakdown is inevitable, but, does it even come as a surprise?
I personally love collaborating with people in person. Hosting similar sessions over Zoom simply isn’t the same. Having three children, a partner, and a caretaker in a limited space makes it even more challenging. Trying to find a quiet time to write, reflect, and strategize is even harder in confined spaces. Sometimes I find myself driving to a grocery store or Starbucks just to get away for a short time. Not being able to conduct meetings outside our home or to think and work quietly is stifling. Don't get me wrong I love them but I like my independence away from them too!
Here are a few tips I have encouraged friends and clients to think about in order to banish feelings of helplessness and get back on track to better managing our new isolation and way of life:
Accept what you can't change. COVID-19 is impacting how we work, how our children learn, our relationships, and employment opportunities. You are not responsible for this. Accept that this pandemic will pass, but for now, we are all in it together, struggling to function in the new normal. Even introverts I know have shared how they crave social interactions. So what is something you can change? Your attitude and how you treat yourself during this time.
- Overcome Hyped up Fear. Limit how much news you consume. It can be toxic and create unnecessary anger and fear that is not constructive. I listen to it in the morning while I make coffee and that’s about it. Having computer tabs open during the day with the latest headlines is not helpful either. Listening to the news at night only leads to a night of disrupted sleep. Avoid it and find positive books and information to nourish your soul.
- Stop being so hard on yourself. Understand that no one will beat you up harder than yourself. Absolutely find time to exercise each day! The benefits of exercise are too numerous to list, but remember that your brain’s feel good neurotransmitters (aka endorphins) will put a smile on your face and even help you sleep in no time. Reading uplifting books, being out in nature, asking your partner or a friend to watch your kids for a specific time so you can do something for yourself, (think about hiding in a bath with the door locked and some good music) is necessary.
- Get professional help. Several companies offer reimbursement for coaching and counseling. Check with your HR to see if they offer programs to support you. Now is a great time to take advantage of talking to someone. You don’t have to drive anywhere! You can schedule an online session.
- Find an online community. Several Slack and Facebook communities have popped up to help people suddenly unemployed or needing extra support during these trying times.
- Talk, Talk, Walk. Schedule walk and talks with people you trust. Ask them if they are willing to have a regular chat - it can be good to talk through your feelings while getting some exercise. You may just find yourself laughing too!
- There is hope. If you are feeling suicidal, there is hope. 1-800-273-8255 (24-hours a day, Spanish and English).
In a world where the media instills so much anxiety, I am constantly reminding myself that fear is not constructive. What is helpful is creating moments of hope and positivity for yourself and others. Life is already hard as it is - why cave in to the fatalistic outlook on social media or in frustrating moments at work, in relationships, or at school?
Find the courage to get help, move on from destructive self-talk, and remember, there are people, online communities, and professional resources out there to help you during these unprecedented times.
Professor, Marketing @ Saint Mary's College of California
4 年Good tips, Emilia!
Chief Customer Officer | Advisor | Former Founder. Passion for Leadership, Revenue Growth, Customer Experience, Customer Success, and Employee Experience.
4 年Spot on and something we are are all facing. I'd add #7: Grab that glass of wine with a trusted friend, while staying safe and socially distanced.
Strategic GTM Advisor | Growth Catalyst | Board Candidate | Mentor & Coach
4 年I love this Emilia. No matter how much you love those you are with, this new reality can be tough. Your tips are spot on and can do so much to help quell those anxious feelings. Thanks for sharing!
Working 24/7 On getting our loved ones back from Gaza Head of The Forum for "Netulay Karka"
4 年Thank you Emilia, as a dad in shared custody I was also asked to work overtime and complete milestones that didn't make sense in this changing and challenging environment of children at home with no kinder-garden or schools, fear never gripped me when it came to work and life - my priorities are always first with the well-being of my children and my life, not the fear of losing my job or money - Conquer fear, and you will conquer all