My headwinds and tailwinds: promoting transparency and authenticity in the workplace

A reflection of my professional life and career is incomplete without my accompanying personal life. Often, we set aside our personal lives to portray a sense of professionalism, but life outside of work has brought me to where I am today. Although personal and professional lives can be separated conceptually, at times these have been inseparable for me.

As I reflect on my life, from growing up in Brazil, moving to the U.S., and working at different companies, there were significant events and circumstances that had profound impacts on my personal life, which inadvertently impacted my professional life. These experiences existed as both tailwinds, which helped me in a positive way, and headwinds, which had negative effects on me.

By far, the biggest tailwind in my life is my family. This was true when I was growing up and still holds true today. Growing up, felt loved and protected by my parents, and I knew they would support me no matter what. They instilled in us the value of education and hard work, but above all, they believed in us so much that I started to believe in myself. This confidence enabled me to go to graduate school, move to the U.S., switch jobs, and be confident that even if I failed in all of that, I’d still have my parents’ support.

During my first year of college, my father was diagnosed with lymphoma and given a prognosis of six months to live. This was in 1991, when cancer treatments were not as advanced as they are today. Losing my father would have been a headwind that I don’t know how I would have recovered from. During this time I, subconsciously, decided that I would be the best student I could be and that I would graduate as fast as possible. My father miraculously survived seven years of intense chemotherapy and radiation treatments and has been cancer free since. What could have been the biggest headwind of my life, turned into an experience that made me focused and driven.

I got married in 1999 and in 2006, after I had been living in the U.S. for seven years, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. The cancer was very aggressive and within 18 months, despite all the numerous surgeries and treatments, she passed way. Seeing someone I loved so dearly deteriorate from a healthy, active person to someone who could not climb up a set of stairs, made me feel powerless in a way that was both draining and humbling. While this was obviously difficult for both of us, I learned to balance my work and take care of her, and to focus on the most important things. I learned to be empathetic towards myself when I failed, or when I was simply too tired to do anything. Through this difficult time, I developed an outlook on life that strengthened my sense of gratitude and mindfulness, which I try to utilize every day.

After being remarried for four years, and having two very young daughters, my second marriage came to an end. I didn’t know how to react. In the case of my first wife, I was convinced that I did all that I could to help her fight cancer, whereas in this case, I was blaming myself for not doing enough to try to salvage the marriage. I was ashamed of myself – to the point that it took years for me to be able to talk about this to some friends and coworkers. For a long time, I was hiding this part of my life by avoiding social events and talking about my personal life at work. However, this is another example that the biggest headwinds are the ones that can shape, and possibly help you the most. My divorce helped me prioritize and balance work in a more sustainable way. By focusing on my family, I not only became a better father, and very close to my daughters, but I also learned how to have a more balanced life. The years since then have been the most fulfilling of my life, both personally and at work.

Although there were headwinds in my life, they shaped me and allowed me to learn, grow, and become the father, son, employee, and manager I am today. In telling my story, above all, I want to encourage others to reflect on their headwinds and tailwinds, and to handle any situation in a transparent way, without feeling the need to conceal their personal lives. I want to model this behavior to continue building an organization where everyone can be their authentic self at work.

Finally, what kinds of headwinds and tailwinds shaped your life? Feel free to reach out directly to me or post comments!