My Hard Lesson of the Day...

I have shared my dreams, my successes and my needs with you.  I have held out my hand and looked for helping hand launching my great business plan.  I have connected to so many, as have you, here, in this medium, looking for who could ad value to my business and hence my life....  And I have prayed to God to open new doors so that I could grow... and as I tell him, enable me to help others.

Today I will share with you a feeling of shame.  One that I woke with this morning despite trying to forget it and put it far from my mind.  As I, once again look to the internet of strangers to help me grow, be safe, and be warm and cozy in my business connections.

I have always admired people who can lend a helping hand to a stranger.  Give them a meal to eat, build them a home, give them a hug.  I have have a bleeding heart for stray animals and hungry, homeless people... and I want to help... in a big way.  However, I don't really like to get my hands dirty.  Sure I'll give coins or even dollars to someone.  

I let go long ago to the judgement of whether this person is a con artist or truly in need.  A con artist that spends the day on their knees rocking back and forth in the cold is doing a far harder job than I hope to ever have to do in my life.   Addiction to drug and alcohol, is not something I envy or scorn.  But honestly, I often give the coins in my pocket because I don't like the weight.  I give left over lunches because I don't like waste.  

I say to God, give me a hand so that I can create some great plan and hire people to go out and help other people...

Last night it was cold.  As I walked into the supermarket to get some supplies a hunched woman asked me if she could clean my car's windows.  I hadn't washed my car in days, but that morning I had, and the last thing I wanted was for someone to muck it up with a sponge mop.  When I realized what she was asking me I waved my hand "no" and said "No thank you".  In the store I couldn't stop thinking about her.  I determined to myself I would give her a couple of bucks on the way out, but when I left the store she was gone. I felt bad I hadn't acted humanely sooner.

As I drove out of the parking lot I saw her walking back.  My guilt would be satisfied and I could give her the 2 dollars folded in my pocket.  I rolled down the window and she was grateful.  She told me she had just missed her bus and was only going to Springfield Ave, which is only about 2 miles down the road.  I wished her a goodnight rolled up my window and drove away.

I wouldn't have cost me a thing to drive her...  I often thank God I don't have to wait for buses in the cold.  It's one of those things that I hate most.  I could have been what I ask God for.  I could have been what I ask you strangers for.  A helping hand in a time of need.  When I often think, and want someone with extra money to take a chance on me and my ideas... I have so much to offer... but ...

I look to my heroes, the successful, the brave and long to achieve my greatest potential... Richard Branson, Elon Musk, Leonardo Di Vinci... but I have other heroes, the kind and generous, Jesus Christ, Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr, ...

How can I really help those who are not asking for my help when I fall so short and can't help those whom God puts in my path and actually ask for it.  

Today I feel ashamed.  But rather than wallow in this shame, I will see it and remember it and endeavor to grow and remember ALL of my heroes... not just the successful ones but also the ones who have great karmic wealth.  This is what is most important.

Today I will ask God for another opportunity to be kind to someone in need...