My Hapiness Project - Throwback to February - Marriage- or investigating happy wife, happy life...

If you're married, or in a partnership of any kind with someone for the long-term, you spend a lot of time together. It makes sense then that this would be an area of great happiness opportunities, but like most things that we experience day after day, we often lose sight of those things most precious around us - like important people in our lives.

February was a month to reflect on this and to be honest, I've spent most of this year trying to fulfil the promises to myself to bring everyday joy to married life. Which is one reason why it has taken me so long to write this post!

?A good marriage or partnership is one of the factors most strongly associated with happiness since it shapes one’s daily existence. It provides support and companionship that everyone needs.

?A big learning for me from February's reading was that your partnership doesn’t have to be in trouble for you to focus on nurturing it. It may sound un-romantic but regular maintenance and upkeep is the best recipe for long terms success. Just like cars, partnerships often need tune-ups so they don't fall into disrepair.?

?One practical way we approach this in our house is to have a Marriage AGM. Once a year (around our Anniversary) we have an Annual General Meeting. My partner prepares the financials which we approve, while I'm in charge of the Annual Report - did we meet our goals of renovating our kitchen, etc. It sounds kind of silly but it works well because we now have a time to uncover what needs to be maintained across the year and a space to talk abotu joint goals and dreams.

Over the years, it's inevitable - we fall into some bad habits that better be changed before they become destructive. For Gretchen, these habits were nagging, criticizing, asking for praise but not giving it, snapping, being less considerate to her partner than she was of other people, and focusing on details that annoyed her. For me I know I crave reassurance and praise and can be intolerably inflexible when my carefully constructed plans go astray.?These are things I know I need to work on.

?Because the other trick when thinking about happiness in marriage (or however you choose to connect with a special someone), is that you may have an almost irresistible impulse to focus on your spouse and emphasize how they should change to boost your happiness. Still, the fact is you can’t change anyone but yourself - and that's the real truth.

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Initially, Rubin expected her husband to listen more, care more, and notice her needs more. However, she actually realized the changes she could make within the relationship significantly improved her relationship. When you give up expecting a partner to change, you lessen anger and resentment. This creates a more loving atmosphere in the partnership.

?Because as the Bluey episode illustrates - you gotta take the good with the bad.?