To: My Future Self - An Obscure Yet Bright Vision

Dear 2030 self,

By the time you see this, you have already graduated university with flying colours, got a Master's degree, secured a good job, made your parents proud, mortgaged a house, and living happily with the love of your life.?

Or maybe you are doing something else. Something better? Something not up to par (Oops, I don't want to jinx myself)??

We as humans always try to picture and plan out everything to ensure that we get to achieve the things we have written down in our goal list. However, have you ever considered what if things do not work out the way you want to? How do you cope with change? Isn't it scary to picture something that is not set in stone?

Personally, having a big picture and an end goal in mind helps me get to where I want, but I never really consider how to get there because there are too many ways to get to the same place. There's no right or wrong way to reach a destination - let's say from London to Paris, you can take the train, drive there yourself, or even take a flight there.?It's the same concept with getting to your ideal future (for simplicity, let's specify careers). You can achieve your ideal job by parents passing down that role, earning a degree, joining an apprenticeship or maybe even working part-time and slowly working your way up the ladder.

People always get so worked up by the idea that you have to go by traditional means to get to where you want to - obviously, in today's society, education is essential. Still, it's not the only thing that gets you going. Connections, experiences and perseverance can go a long way. Noticed that I add "perseverance" to that list. Why??

Because the one thing that is most important in achieving your goal is to know how to stand back up when the world pushes you down.?

I have read stories about how people get rejected repeatedly, not finding a suitable job that causes them to change careers often, and suddenly being let go by their firm because of the pandemic. These changes, how do you cope? Persevere. Find another way to stand up again, plan, strategise, stick to it and don't give up. I know I said "stick to it", but you have to be flexible about it as well. Even though you are set in following Plan A, you have to have Plan Z ready in your pocket just in case something goes wrong. Be like water; when people see you persevere in dark times, they will admire and respect you more. As Lao Tzu once said:?

Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it.

I never really understood the appeal of people being obsessed with the conventional way of doing things. Perhaps growing up in an Asian household, I see how many family members put pressure on the younger generation to pursue something in specific ways instead of just happily accepting that as long as they are happy and reach the goals they have set for themselves. Sometimes, the older generation puts pressure on the younger ones because they want someone to achieve the things they wanted but could not. There are jokes about Asian parents disowning kids because they aren't getting a degree in engineering or medicine. However, I see some still succeeding in that field even though they did not go through the traditional ways of getting there. Some of them turned out great after leaving high school and working out their own thing; some of them live happily with their spouse and kids as their ideal futures.?

To parents,

Your vision of your child's future may not be what they want to be - and that's okay.

No matter how weird or unconventional your child may be, he or she knows what they are doing - even when they don't, they do. You just have to trust in the process and give them all the unconditional love they need.

Friends come and go, like Thai mangos. Odd comparison, I know. But, consider this. In a lifetime, how many people have we met and never meet again? Why do some relationships last and some don't??

Introducing Dunbar's number: 150. It is a suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships—relationships in which an individual knows who each person is and how each person relates to every other person. If you think about it, that's not a lot of people.?

If we meet someone new every day, that's 365 people. I'm 20 this year - but assuming I remember the people I meet after 5 years old - so that's 5475 people so far. And yet, I only get to keep 150 stable relationships.?

Remember my Thai mango comparison? If you eat too many Thai mangos, you will get sick of them. Plus, not all mangos are good; some of them may have worms in them, so you are forced to not eat them to save yourself from a stomachache. But, if you eat just the right amount and enjoy the flavour of it while it's there, then you get the maximised satisfaction of eating them. Makes sense now, right??

Not everyone is meant to be your friend forever - some are here to be by your side, some are here to teach you a lesson.?

I never understand the idea of one best friend, to be quite frank. Yes, I know you are close to me, and you mean a lot to me, but you are not the only one I cherish in my life. That's why I don't practise the idea of "best friends" anymore - you are either a good friend or just a friend, no one is better than the other.?

And if I lose friends in the midst of growing up, that's alright as well. I know some friendships aren't meant to last, and some of them I don't want to stay (harsh truth, but you got to let those toxic ones go, honey). Even though I say that I accept that I have to let some people go, I still appreciate all the memories and support they have given to me at that time because I believe at that moment, they were someone I needed the most. For that, I am forever grateful to them even though I don't speak to them anymore.?

By the time 2030 rolls here, I think - no, I know - everything should - no, will - be alright. I will already achieve whatever I want to with meaningful people by my side. My parents will be proud of me, I will live happily in my cosy home with my lover, and most of all, I will be proud of myself for surviving this long.?I just want to take the time to say, even though the future seems uncertain, do have faith in it because I truly believe God will lead you to a more fantastic place than you could ever imagine.