My First Time: Therapist Edition

In this newsletter, our therapist Royina Baruah gets candid to talk about her first time (yes, we are still talking about therapy) experiencing all the milestones that come with being a therapist.

In my journey as a therapist, I’ve been a part of a lot of firsts for clients. Their first heartbreak, first move out of home, first time setting boundaries… But along this voyage, there have also been certain firsts for me that stand out like stars in the night sky. Here’s a list of the firsts that made me the therapist I am today–

The first session ever?

My first session was full of nerves. I had so many questions about the kind of therapist I would be, what questions I would ask, what I’d do if there was a long silence, would whether the client even thought I was competent enough to help them. Before my very first session, these were the kind of pressurizing thoughts I was plagued with and of course, the list of pre-planned responses I had rehearsed for all these eventualities. To my surprise, as the session went on, the client and I gradually started to open up to each other, and the process felt a little easier. The questions came on their own. To this day though, those first sessions are full of nervous excitement for me- getting to know a new client, building a relationship with them, and understanding their experiences. But over the years, I’ve understood that alot of what I have to do is be in the moment with the client. And the rest will follow.?

The first Aha! moment

While reading about building insight and having breakthroughs in my psychology textbooks, it’s always seemed easier said than done. I mean– what really is the process of connecting the dots for my clients? How will I even spot these dots? And what if they don’t agree or get upset with me? So when I first witnessed my Aha! moment, it was a surprising experience. It wasn’t as graceful or as tear-jerking as maybe the textbooks had hinted at. In fact, my first Aha! moment with my client took a humorous turn as they burst into laughter as they recognized their own patterns. A lot of emotions came up that day, but for me, the most memorable is the laughter ringing in my ears because that’s what my client chose to take back from that session– that none of us are perfect but hey, at least we can have a good laugh about it!?

The first big risk

In the past, I’ve found myself being quite strict in my expression with my clients– a very specific image of how I should be conducting myself as a therapist. However, in one of my earlier sessions, I noticed that my client and I hadn’t gotten very far in our work together despite having had a number of sessions. I wondered if they were feeling uncomfortable or impatient with me. And honestly, I felt stuck and confused as I wasn’t sure where to go next in sessions. That’s when I decided to take the risk and lighten the hesitation between us with a joke (oh, was I nervous!). To my surprise– cracking a joke about something they said actually worked. Who would’ve thought? We went from feeling confused about our shared goals to having a collaborative conversation with them about the stuckness I was sensing. We later uncovered that this client was very nervous to open up because they had always seen therapists as detached professionals. Turns out, making a joke made a little crack in this image that was keeping them from being comfortable.?

The first goodbye

I remember as my client settled into the familiar setup of our favorite room in the office ( yes, we have favorite rooms- this one had the best couch and the view of parrots from the window). I'm always excited to sit in this room but today I felt excitement and sadness. We began the session with small talk but both of us knew what was looming over us (of course I have made this sound dramatic, almost like a K-Jo movie). As we discussed our therapeutic journey - we went from the very first session to the very last one, this one. We listed down the different takeaways my client had from our work together. As humans, most of us have a negative relationship with endings. We’re taught a lot about how to build connections but rarely about how to end them. Through that first termination, I realized how powerful this moment between us was– it’s a moment where my client and I get to experience an ending in a positive way.

As that session ended, I cued back to the K-Jo movie, the camera panned to the window- to two parrots sitting on the branch outside. After a moment of contemplation, one of them flew away. The camera panned to the warmly lit room again, this time I was the only one left sitting there.?

As therapists, we often forget the experience we share with our clients also has the power to shape us. This little trip down memory lane was a small reminder of that. And today, here I am, equal parts excited and nervous for many more firsts ;)