My Fear as a Black Father

Fatherhood is the greatest thing to have happened to me. There is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for my son. This past year and a half, looking in his eyes, I have seen what unconditional love truly is. 

When my son was born I started a journal for him where I write my thoughts, lessons I learned in my short 30 years on earth, and teachings on how to live a meaningful life. This journal will be passed on to him once he is older and can understand these lessons I have to teach and where his father's thinking was at over the years.

Usually when I tell people about the journal I keep for my son they think it's a nobel and sweet idea. Truthfully, I write the journal to him in the event that if something was to ever happen to me he will in some way have a piece of his father's wisdom to cherish.

It's sad that I have to live with this morbid thought and fear that within an instant, if I get into the wrong situation, my life can be taken. The only thing guaranteed in life is death, but to have a fear that my death could be a result of murder based on a decision engulfed with implicit bias and a country's legacy that's engraved with hatred, fear, and misunderstanding of a person that looks like me --- it is sickening and unexplainable. 

You see, I am an educated Black man with two degrees, a business owner, active in the community, some would say "articulate"--- yet still I could easily be Mike Brown, Oscar Grant, Eric Garner or most recently (at least making national press) Alton Sterling, killed at the hands of civil servants.  

The fact that a couple weeks ago when a deranged woman came knocking at my door pleading for help and I called the police, my fiancé feared for my life as I waited outside, not because of the deranged woman, but because the police were pulling up in the wee hours on that dark Saturday morning. 

The fact that I am hesitant to go for a jog in my own neighborhood in fear that someone may mistaken me for a "suspicious individual" or worst "criminal" and not as a man exercising, is surreal. The fact that if I do get pulled over by the police I have a programed way to communicate with officers that was drilled into my mind by my parents at a young age. And the fact that most Black men understand and know this procedure is a testament to how wrongfully conditioned our society is.

Why must I have to think this way? Why can I not fully live the liberties in which this country prides itself on? Why must I carry this burden of knowing that in some places I will always be the other or looked down on just because of my higher levels of melanin?

I help companies with their strategic branding and emphasize cultural competency throughout that process, but if I had to be honest with you, at times I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle. People cry out for change, yet they are unwilling to do anything different. There is so much talk about diversity, inclusion, and change in America, but let's be real and ask the questions have we really progressed over the years and are we truly ready to change?

With as much optimism I have for the future, there is still a part of me that thinks I am fool for trying to get people to change---yet I have to continue fighting, not for me, but for my son.

Sure it is no longer acceptable to have segregated bathrooms and overt bigotry, but our actions in this country are a constant reminder of how things have not evolved. Yes we have a Black president and first family, but let's not forget the amount of disrespect they endured over the years---disrespect I have never seen given to any other former presidential family. Yes we have more Black people in affluent neighborhoods and moving up the corporate ladder, but let's not forget the whispers that take place behind closed doors about them or questioning their competency, wondering if they only made it due to affirmative action. 

The fact that in most tech companies (along with many other industries) Black people make up 2% or less in employment and senior roles, regardless that each year more than 5,000 qualified Black people graduate with STEM related degrees. Is that progress?

Last week, actor Jesse Williams speech at the BET awards about the injustices that Black people face everyday in this country, no more than two weeks later the root of his speech makes headline news once again with the murder of another Black man at the hands of law enforcement. This is a symptom to a greater issue which is a direct correlation in the fact that there is a petition circulating to have Jesse Williams fired from the show he acts on for expressing his first amendment rights. Is that progress?

The fact that I even have to write this post about race and the value/de-value of Black lives...is that progress?

In the wake of this most recent transgression with Alton Sterling, I know that media will pull up his past and there will be countless individuals who will justify his death saying he should not have struggled and had cooperated with the police. There will be a slew of hate comments on websites calling him a "thug" which is the modern day version of nigger. His humanity will likely be stripped away as they investigate what really happened. I also know that there will be a public outcry, hashtag, and within a short period of time it will quiet down and we will all go back to our lives until the next slaying takes place and we repeat the cycle over again.

Is this not the definition of insanity Albert Einstein warned us about? 

I find myself writing in a journal to my one year old son, telling him that he is a Black man and he will likely never be given the benefit of the doubt. He will be forced to prove his competency before provided an opportunity and will have to work 10 times as hard of that of his white friends and colleagues, just to show his worth and value. While I know that one day he will cherish these writings, I also know that the reason for me writing them is not a reflection of progress.

My fear as a Black father is not solely in the notion that within an instant I may not come home to play with my son, kiss his little cheeks, hug him, watch him grow and teach him what it means and takes to be a man. My fear as a Black father is that I have to teach my son how to survive as a Black man and the idea that he will have to one day teach his son the same. I pray everyday that I'll teach him well. 

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 Louis Byrd is the Principal and Brand Strategist at Mellie Blue Branding. 

 Mellie Blue is a cross-cultural brand consultancy that helps engineering and tech companies enhance their brand systems with cultural competence.