My Fathers stroke, practicing gratitude and the pandemic

The title may seem random, but if you allow me to explain...

Back in 2017, I was living in Tokyo, in a role that I loved, surrounded by amazing friends, in an exciting city and within a country that provided me with an unlimited amount of cultural experiences. At that point things couldn’t really get much better...

And they didn't. I received the dreaded phone call. It was my mother calling me from the UK, my father had just been hospitalized after having a stroke. He was now in intensive care and doctors weren’t sure if he would be able to make it. Even now, I remember her voice so vividly. It was the first (and hopefully last) time I'd hear her so shaken.

 Later that day, I caught a flight from Tokyo to London, arriving directly to the hospital and seeing first-hand, how overnight my father went from being the traditional patriarch of the family, a beacon of positivity (i.e. on my graduation day), full of energy and optimism to now being in a coma and kept alive by a machine. For a father that had always supported his family, losing control like this was life changing, unexpected and never part of his plan.

Thankfully, my father woke up from his coma but we soon discovered he was completely paralyzed on his left side, unable to walk or even feed himself. As well as this his personality had switched into someone frustrated, confused and not his usual optimistic self – all of these feelings were completely understandable given the situation he was now in.

 After nearly six months in hospital, he eventually was released and started to make physical and mental progress. It was during that period, we embarked on a journey of practicing gratitude together.

For my father, his act of gratitude was being able to regularly pray again, it was a way to remind himself daily that despite the challenges he was facing, there was still a lot to be grateful for. Slowly after re-learning how to walk and to pray, this became a channel for him to express his gratitude at being given a second chance. After about two years of continuous practice as well as physio, exercise and therapy, all these activities helped him to get back on his feet (literally) - below image was taken during a father / son gym session, soon after he was able to walk again.

 It was also during this period that I started a gratitude journal to help give me clarity on my thoughts, especially as overnight I now had the responsibility of my family relying on me even more. Every morning, I’d spend a few minutes listing out the things that I was grateful for, and later in the day before going to bed, I’d write down three things that I had appreciated during that day. This small practice, seemed abstract at first, but it kept pushing my mind into a grateful way of thinking. Despite my father having a stroke, the most recurring item I was grateful for during that period, was that I had been given another chance to continue our relationship and have time with him.

 After more research on this, I quickly realized that the benefits that my father and I gained from our gratitude practices weren’t just exclusive to us, there has been a lot research and countless studies which have demonstrated that practicing gratitude regularly can help to:

• Improve physical and mental well-being
• Increase the feeling of happiness and life satisfaction
• Provide encouragement to maintain good habits
• Less likely to burnout
• And the list goes on...

 Practicing gratitude regularly has not only helped me through periods of uncertainty and challenges, but has also been a way to document what I really appreciate and enjoy doing – my gratitude journal has become a great personal study on what I need to do to feel better when a little off.

 Some people argue that positive thinking can bring harm, forcing people to avoid negative emotions and feelings, but practicing gratitude isn’t about trying to ‘force people to be positive’ or to debate with people whether the 'glass is half full or half empty'. Practicing gratitude is just about reflecting and appreciating 'what is'. Being grateful for the glass and however much water you want to fill it with.

 “When we focus on what we have, we gain what we lack. When we focus on what we lack, we lose what we have” 

I’m sure some of you reading this are practicing some form of gratitude already, but if not, why not start now? Every morning this week, spend a few minutes to write down 1 thing that you are grateful for, and then before going to sleep write down 1 thing you’re glad you’ve experienced that day. This is a short exercise which literally takes less than 5 minutes and will over time have a positive effect on both your mental and physical well-being.

Now to go one step further, I’d love to extend my gratitude to YOU with a gift for reading this and keeping me accountable on my monthly article goal. During that period back in 2017/2018 I started using a gratitude journal called 'the 6 minute diary' (I preferred the action of writing in a journal physically vs a digital app, which seems to be against the grain these days). I loved the journal so much that I reached out to the company and got to know the team. We have since been able to collaborate to give the journal away on Instagram and now I wanted to do the same on LinkedIn. We have two copies of the gratitude diary to gift as a thank you, all you need to do is let me know in the comments - 1 thing you are grateful for. We will select 2 people at random to receive their copy, and will announce the winners in next months article, which I hope will help start a gratitude practice which can be carried through a lifetime. 

The experience of my father’s stroke, was unexpected, a shock and opened up a lot of uncertainty, very similar to what we are all experiencing with the pandemic. But as what happened then for us, I'm sure will happen again now, that this moment will pass and practicing gratitude was a great way in helping us get through it together.

 Thank you, Shuwel 

(My parent's first holiday after my fathers stroke - their first time visiting Italy, this image and experience made it into my gratitude journal that day)