My Father's Dying Wish

Dad sat up in his hospital chair. He was exhausted. He was dying from Stage 4 lung cancer and knew it. At 79 years of age, life only had a few more breaths. It took tremendous energy for him just to look up and talk.

I was the only one in the room. Mom had gone home to get some much needed rest. Mustering enough strength to talk dad looked up and said, “Michael can you do me a favor?”

“Yes,” of course dad, what can I do?” I replied.

He responded “Could you write my obituary?” I’m unsure what I was expecting him to ask but writing his obituary was not on my list. The request caught me off guard and I hesitated. It wasn’t a long hesitation; just a few seconds. I needed those moments to process dad’s dying wish.

After I settled down I said “yes, of course.” But then he taught me perhaps the greatest lesson in his 49 years of being my father.

He said “I want you to include Kiersten in it as well.”

At that very moment I understood that my father’s dying wish was also his greatest gift to me. As he sat there dying he was thoughtful. Thoughtful to the very end; that’s all I could keep saying to myself. Here is my father dying with very little time left and he is thinking of others.

Again, my response was “yes, of course.” I then asked him if he wanted to read it. He quickly responded “no” and slumped back down in his chair. Little did I know then I needed to write it far sooner than I anticipated as dad died eight days later.

I sat there in his hospital room thinking to myself what an honor it would be to write my father’s obituary.

I had never written an obituary before so that concern preoccupied my mind but it was overshadowed by dad’s thoughtfulness. “Include Kiersten in it as well.”

He demonstrated that even at our weakest moments prior to death we have the capacity to think about others. He made thoughtfulness a priority as he sat there dying.

He accepted Kiersten as part of our family. He was concerned about her feelings. He was thoughtful in making sure that I included her in the obituary. His dying wish also showed me how much he loved his granddaughter, my daughter, Amanda.

Kiersten is Amanda’s partner. Last year Amanda came out to my parents and introduced Kiersten as her girlfriend. Without hesitation my parents accepted Kiersten as part of our family.

My father’s dying wish was also his greatest gift to me. On both a professional and personal level he reminded me one final time to be thoughtful.

In a world filled with extreme wealth inequality, domestic and international terrorism, and other serious global issues, the world could use a dose of thoughtfulness.

On his death bed my father reminded me one final time what he taught me in the 49 years I was his son: be thoughtful of others.

To keep his wish alive I am now reminding you: be thoughtful of others.