MY FATHERS DAY

FATHERS DAY

For those of us fathers on Fathers Day who have lost children, typically it’s not a Happy Father’s Day. I spent part of this day at my daughter’s grave thinking about all I wanted to say to her, to teach her, to comfort and protect her being in her life. And while she was taken out of state away from our home, she came back and I had some time to make up being her father again. At least that memory is still here, while the dreams I had of giving her a happy, stable life as my father gave to me, were destroyed.

So now on this Father’s Day I have mixed emotions of remembering how those years with my daughter Lindy were stolen, and comparing that to the most wonderful childhood, family life and friendship given to me by my father who taught me about the love and commitment to his family, especially providing a wonderful home so that his family would have the security and memories that would always be there to build a future.

And that’s how it started with my grandfather coming alone from Italy to sell ice on the streets of New York City to raise enough money to rent a small apartment in what’s now Little Italy, and save enough money to bring my grandmother and her three little children, including my Dad, across the Atlantic where there was always the chance they wouldn’t be allowed to stay. But against all odds from the threats of gangs and the realities of discrimination, he and my grandmother risked and spent all their time, effort and money to establish a home for their family. He would work all day as Grandma would make sure the kids got fed and went to school, and then at night when he would come home she would go to her job as a charwoman cleaning office buildings on Wall Street, mainly one at 70 Pine Street, coincidentally where many decades later her grandson Joey (me) would begin work at Merrill, Lynch, Pierce, Fenner and Smith getting there early to thank the ladies for doing the work they did at night.

So on this Father’s Day I also think of the Father who started it all by example with the persistence and hard work it took to give our family a future. It was this beehive of activity in this tenement that led my father to understand the concept of family that he then started when he met a beautiful woman whose parent’s had died and was living with her sister without even a dress to go out on a date. But to him she had everything, including the dress that he gave her sister the money to buy. That was my father before he became my father, and how proud I am every time I would think about how he treated my mother with the love and commitment he gave to fulfill every part of her life. He possessed the most important things necessary to start a family and being a father—my Father. Now was the time for him to teach me the lessons he leraned growing up.

We began our life together with my sense of pride looking at him in his uniform as a New York City policeman, always wanting to be at his side, looking up and listening to his stories that taught me lessons that would linger in my future and form my understanding about how to deal with all around me. Whether it was about love, from the devotion he had for my mother; the importance of caring and providing for family; the need for prayer to our God; the value of working hard; the ability to think outside the box and to fear no man or task. Even how he presented the respect for those who we cross paths who might look different but were the same as me, with stories of Ming-Toy and Tyrone and their friends who he saw everyday on his “beat” as policeman.

Then after he was disabled he had to take menial jobs that he had to swallow his pride to provide for us, but that made me so much prouder. And he was so smart he began investing in corporations he studied, telling me he owned part of them; eventually enabling him to afford a dream home for his family, but mostly for my mother.

We then somehow survived the death of his beautiful wife

and my mother and were encouraged to leave our home to start over in New Mexico, giving up all our memories and the security and stability of our home. It was so sad. That taught me the value of a home to a family.

Eventually, after I miraculously graduated from college he talked me into taking the test to become a stock broker since I think it would be a combination of his living vicariously through me, as well as a fulfillment of his journey on that ship. So we both became proud of each other. But with my living in New York City I missed my best friend and would visit at least every month and even invested in small pizza delivery business in a garage in an alleyway across from the University with former college roommates running it. It gave me an excuse to come more often. Then when my roommates left I thought about staying and running the business by myself. Of course, my father objected and said that he didn’ t work hard all his life and teach me all he did for me to end up delivering pizzas from an alleyway. Even my telling him that I was doing it because I loved him, and would rather be with him to learn even more didn’t dissuade him, as he told me he loved me so much he wouldn’t be involved if I stayed.

So I stayed, and for many months I made and delivered pizzas until 3 am everyday by myself in what became a war of wills until I won, and he came by to answer the phones. And after a while we both agreed I had made the right decision aa we worked side by side being in a business we would have never dreamed of before.

When I got married and had kids, what a great Poppa he was. There was always lots of laughter and love and our whole family would come to visit with Aunts and Uncles to help make my family replicate the wonderful childhood I had.

He helped me build a beautiful home, that was always his goal as a father and wanted to help me fulfill that dream for my family—bringing us security, stability and joy.

We then moved our restaurant out of the garage in the alleyway to a massive warehouse that my Dad and I rebuilt from scratch. And what a treat that was with his little grandkids hanging around watching him work and asking him questions like I did as a child.

Then came what he thought was the crown jewel of our accomplishments with my just even running for the State Senate, since I wasn’t given much of a chance. I won, but I had made the promise that I would get the approval and money to build a politically dead bridge my first year or I would resign, which made my Dad very upset. He said if I didn’t do it, and resigned, it would be a disgrace to our name, after all we’ve accomplished. I told him that would force me to get it done, and that I learned that from him.

So I got it done.

It was then he began having problems with his heart and moved into our home where he would teach my kids the lessons I learned and took the time to have fun with them that brought so much joy to his and their life. He would remind me of the value of a happy and loving family to continue his dream.

Before my father left us, he made me promise to never spank my kids or let them fight with each other, but to teach them everything I knew and lead by example. And also to stay with the house so if and when someone leaves there’s always a place with memories of a family to come back to.

So on this Fathers Day, while it’s sad that those who are my fathers are gone along with my daughter Lindy, they all contributed to our family and the home that symbolizes all it took to get here.