My Father Refused? to Lend Me Money... Here's Why I'm Grateful

Four years after graduating ?? from college – with an Accounting degree, I hit financial rock bottom hard. I owed money to three different payday lenders. My car payment, utility bills, and credit cards were all delinquent. At the time, I worked for my family’s multi-million dollar business in the accounting department, and yet I was bouncing my personal checks at home.

Talk about feeling like a hypocrite! How does a smart girl who made the National Honor Society make such stupid mistakes with money? It’s because I made emotional decisions with my personal finances, not logical ones. I let my heart hijack my wallet. Here’s the short story: for seven years, I dated “Jeff,” a guy who mismanaged his finances and I let his bad habits rub off on me.

Because I had no money and horrible credit due to my bad financial choices, I couldn’t get an apartment on my own when I decided to end the relationship. So, I asked my father for help. I wanted to borrow the money I needed to move out and catch up on my bills.

He said, “No.”

Although he refused to lend me money, my father didn’t leave me high and dry. Trust me, he felt overjoyed that I finally broke up with Jeff. My father said I could move in with him and my step mom for three months so I could leave the toxic relationship and get back on my feet.

Here’s why I’m grateful my father refused to lend me money:

He didn’t shield me from the consequences of my financial mistakes. I needed to feel the pain of my blunders so I could learn to avoid going down that road again. If you protect someone from the consequences of their behavior, there’s no incentive for them to change their ways. My father has said to me more than once, “The mistakes you learn the most from are ones that cost you the most dollars.”

He showed me what to do and why to do it, but he didn’t do it for me. My father helped me create a budget and a plan to pay off my debt. I was so stressed out and emotional about my financial mess that I needed an objective person to patiently walk me through the details.

He didn’t just create a plan and say, “Here, do this.” My father sat down beside me and we talked through all of the details and created a plan together. He only jumped in with advice when I seemed to be stuck. I owned the plan and implemented it because I played an active part in creating it.

He empowered me to rescue my Financial Dignity?. My father knew if he lent me the money, he could have been my “knight in shining armor,” the hero who saved me. Rather than do that, he showed me how to be the hero of my own financial life. Empowering others to help themselves is so much more valuable in the long run than simply bailing them out of their money messes.

When we lend money to friends or family members it changes the relationship dynamic. As the ancient writings of King Solomon say, “The borrower is slave to the lender.” By empowering me to rescue myself, my dad kept our relationship in father-daughter territory rather than master-servant territory.

The next time you’re considering lending money or co-signing a loan for a family member, I’d caution you to think twice about it. I’m grateful my father didn’t lend me money and showed me a little “tough love” because I learned a great deal more by rescuing my own Financial Dignity?.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DAD! ?? Thanks for being the BEST Dad ever!

What's the best lesson your Dad has taught you about money? Drop a comment & let me know.

#fathersday #lifelessons #personalfinance #financialdignity