My Exposure to Homelessness

I have always felt a little homeless. It’s a strange thing….Annie Lennox

Have you ever left your home on a winter’s eve and forgot your jacket (or gloves, or socks, or …), only to realize that it was really cold outside. How did you feel? Could you enjoy rest of the evening without worrying about the cold? Were you irritable? What did you want to do next? Get back to the “comfortable surroundings” of your home as quickly as possible. If you remember how you felt, then IMAGINE that this might be what a homeless person goes through most days - without having the option of returning to a “comfortable” spot!

But then, why should we care? Don’t they deserve it? Shouldn’t they just work hard to find a job that pays their bills? Don’t many of them opt out of shelter options available to them? Don’t they take drugs? How then can they be brought back to lead a functional life? Don’t many of them look scary? So scary that you might risk your life and safety by going near them?Wouldn’t I be just encouraging them by giving them money or stuff? What if they learn to live on free stuff and are not motivated to work? Isn’t it easier to select an organization to donate to instead?  And don’t you just want to avoid looking at them so they don’t ask for anything?

The mind says, IGNORE and WALK FAST! Faster please, if possible… This is how I thought until late evening December 31, 2017.

First, a little history…

I was born into a rich family in India and I grew up in a small Indian town. Poverty was all around me. On one hand, these poor people were just part of the landscape - I was immune to them. On another, I would sometimes give more than half of my then less than $1 monthly pocket money to these street beggars.  As I grew up, this changed to buying things like warm blankets to keep these poor people warm in winter.  

When I moved to another city to attend college, I took a more structured approach – volunteering, donating to small/mid-sized organizations, mentoring students, counseling women in abusive relationships, etc. But then, somewhere in the process of growing up, I began ignoring these people - people I passed on the street, people who needed food, people who asked me for money when my car stopped at a traffic signal, people who were looking for temporary comfort in half-covered shade outside a store on a rainy day – I ignored them all!

This all changed on the night of December 31, 2017. My husband and I decided to welcome the New Year by celebrating in San Francisco.  As we were walking back to the hotel following dinner, I realized that it was quite chilly. I wasn’t prepared for the city’s colder air– the suburb we live in is generally much warmer. I was cold and I wanted to walk as fast as I could. After a few minutes, I was restless, annoyed. And that’s when I NOTICED a homeless man on the street trying to cover himself with a small blanket. He was lying directly on the street, not wearing a hat, and he only had a jacket - visibly torn in several places. The scene distressed me.  

Why? This was obviously not the first time I had run into a situation like this; I have seen homeless people on the street many times before. What was different this time? Why did the sight of this man make me uncomfortable?

Because that day I was feeling cold too! Very cold and restless, even with my warm jacket, hat, and knee-high boots! And here was this man lying on the street with no sheet, a torn jacket and a blanket which did not fully cover him. I knew I would be in a warm hotel room soon…but what about him? It seemed like the only option this man had was to spend rest of his night on this street.

My mental chatter started: It’s OK. There are MANY like him. It’s sad, but I can’t do anything about it. I have my own worries to deal with. It is getting late. What if he tries to attack me if I go near him? Then while juggling all of these thoughts, my heart spoke to my mind. This is what it said: How does it matter if this guy had a role to play in his current status or not? Why does his story and history matter to me?

-        Could he afford a house, but still chose to sleep on the street: NO

-        Will I lose anything by buying him some food: No

-        Do I have enough money to occasionally buy food for people like him: Yes

-        Is this my duty as a member of the civilized society to help others in need: Yes

-        Why should I not help: mmmmmmm…I DO NOT KNOW

This introspection changed what I had been avoiding for years. And that’s when I started on this journey. Although I didn’t stop that night to talk to that man or buy him food (still regret that…), the next morning on my way to the parking garage, I bought 10 bagels and handed them out to the homeless men and women I saw on the street. There was maximum of a few seconds gap between when they grabbed the packet and when they starting eating the bagel. They were hungry, very hungry. Some of them had been looking through trashcans when I handed the bagel to them. Their gratitude and happiness was obvious.

Thank you, thank you mam and God bless you was all they said. I knew I had started the year well! My resolution for the year (in addition to the usual exercise more and eat healthy) was to do something for the homeless folks.

As I awoke the next day with the faces of those homeless folks on my mind, I needed to do more research! Eventually I came up with a list of things to include in care package for homeless people. I ordered gloves, hats, socks, toothpaste, toothbrushes, Chap Stick, Advil, wet wipes, nut mixes, granola bar, comb and many other things from Amazon/Costco etc. and then assembled 70-80 care packets. Then came the task of distributing these care packages. Next Saturday, my husband and I drove to the city and distributed these packets among homeless people. I have never made so many people happy in one day!

To my surprise, every single one of them said thank you. They were well behaved, did not ask me to give them more, and I did not feel unsafe in their company. There I was - someone who was scared of going near them, of even giving them a good look. And now I was walking up to them, handing them packets and explaining what they contained (so they wouldn’t get confused). What a miraculous change! Interestingly, most of them were primarily interested in the food items in the package. So I came back home, put the remaining 50-60 granola bars in a bag and drove to downtown San Jose the next morning and again gave these bars to homeless. What an amazing weekend it was!

I thought I would be satisfied and happy with what I had done – and then move on with my everyday life. But I was addicted - addicted to the feeling of happiness, addicted to seeing those happy faces and knowing that I had played a role in their happiness! So I ordered more food items from Costco and continued on this now seemingly unstoppable journey. I do know I will not be able to solve this problem, and I am not aiming to do that.My goal is simple: Make a homeless person happy for five minutes – give them at least one meal when possible. Keep these granola bars and nut mixes in my car so I never have to turn away a homeless person again.

I shared this story with a few of my friends. Interestingly, they had also thought about it however did not know how to get started. I am writing this story or my first blog, not to brag about the good I am doing for humanity, but simply to share my story. If I can motivate a few more of you to do something for the people who need help – even if that is simply saying hello to the homeless while passing by them - I would be happy.

If you want to join me in this effort in the SF Bay area, email me! I am not accepting money, so the only way for you to be involved is to join me in person!

I hope we do not have to be HOMELESS to feel the pain of a homeless person

- Ria