My Evening in North Korea (Kind of)
North Korea is one of those places that I will probably never visit. But it has always fascinated me.?
I even had a very strange dream recently where I was walking along an imagined rooftop where I was able to look across thick barbed wire into North Korea. Everything on the other side of the wire was illustrated with pictures of Kim. It is the kind of dream only I would have. I do not think the real DMZ is set up that way.?
While I have never been to North Korea (not even in my dreams), I did have a real-life experience several years ago that came pretty close.?
I was in Yangon, Myanmar, en route back from moderating another great ALSMA event. Props to my old friend Peter Buxton , who was living in Yangon at the time and encouraged me to visit.?
Peter, being a gracious host (with a sense of humor), invited me to dinner at a restaurant (since closed) in Yangon that was owned and operated by the North Korean embassy. This was a scheme to generate income for the embassy, which was underfunded by Pyongyang. At one point there were a few of these bistros scattered around Asia.??
I have been to many restaurants in my life. Hands down, this was the weirdest of them all. There isn’t a close second.?
As we walked in, I noted the restaurant was small, with maybe half a dozen tables. And it was about half empty. There was a couple dining quietly across the room and a large group of Chinese at the next table.?
The walls were decorated with drab pastorals, I assumed depicting the North Korean countryside. I was very disappointed there were no images of Kim Jong Un on the walls. That would have been awesome.?
There was a sign that said no photos or videos were allowed. Of course, I ignored this. There was also an area where a few instruments were set up. Drums, an electric keyboard. Imagine the setup for an act at a local cocktail lounge.?
I do not remember much about the food. It was essentially flavorless Korean food. I do recall that one item on the menu was “Pyongyang Salad.” I thought this was hilarious. I don’t think we ordered it.?
Our waitress was very young and pretty. Neither friendly nor unfriendly. She had a name tag depicting the North Korean flag. What a souvenir that would have been. Or the menu, for that matter. The menu was large and laminated. Perhaps to make it harder to steal. Who wouldn’t want to show their friends a menu featuring Pyongyang Salad??
It was after Peter and I savored the food (not really) and enjoyed a couple of North Korean beers (maybe they were Burmese) that things got weird.?
The first thing we noticed was that the waitstaff (all young women) disappeared.?
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Then moments later, they emerged wearing gowns that seemed fitting for a command performance for the Dear Leader. Instead, it was just us, and the increasingly drunk group at the next table.?
There were several acts to this floor show.?
One was a synchronized dance that involved waving bouquets of fake flowers to recorded music. There were a couple of NK Pop numbers where the ladies showed off their musical chops. They weren’t awful. If they sold T-shirts I would have bought one.?
There was a costume change for each number. All this fanfare for a small, drab restaurant with only a few tables. Peter was grinning and I knew this was why he brought me here. For the world’s strangest floor show.?
There was a bouquet left on each table in case anyone wanted to go up to the stage and pose with the ladies while holding the bouquet. Again, there was no enforcement of the no photos policy. And this seemed to be an explicit exception to it.?
This opportunity did not really appeal to me, so I passed. As did Peter. Now I deeply regret not having this photo. More so than I regret not stealing the laminated menu.?
A few of the drunk gentlemen at the next table did take advantage of this opportunity and ran up to the stage (actually only a few steps away) bouquets in hand. They seemed very excited. Almost as if that was the reason they were there.?
My presence as an American at this restaurant did not go entirely unnoticed.?
Our waitress, who did not engage in much banter with us, did ask us where we were from. I answered honestly that I was American. She did not seem to react at all. She just gave me a brief, blank look.?
However, at the end of the evening, as Peter and I were preparing to leave, the drunkest of the group at the next table came over and invited (challenged) us to chug a beer with him. He also asked where we were from and when I said I was an American, he scowled. Before much else was said a few of his less drunk companions came and pulled him away.
A melee would have capped off this evening.?
We soon made our way out. As we were leaving a van passed us with the Chinese group all packed in and the very drunk man who invited (challenged) us to drink with him shook his fist at us.?
And so ended my dinner (kind of) in North Korea.?
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4 个月Not the only strange dinner in Asia but certainly among the most strange. Better you than me.