My Evening as a Foot; No Lampshades

Late summer 2011 - I was Pitter, as immortalized in this grainy photograph.? Supposed to be part of Pitter and Patter, 2 purple-foot representative mascots at the LWML women's conference.

Patter had to skip; she'd been recently bitten by a copperhead (ironically, on her foot), so I had twice the campy presence to bring to the event.

Succeeded - many of the ladies beckoned me over to get a picture with footful me.

And then I took off my costume and attended the conference event as me - Heather Noggle. Nobody knew I had just been the obnoxious and popular purple foot.

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The foot costume fit the theme of the event - Isaiah 52:7 - "How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news..."

Costumes have a purpose and a context.? The purple foot wouldn't make sense out of context. Like, walking through the grocery store.

The non-technical world probably hasn't seen this; read on, please.

The 2024 cybersecurity highly technical conference Black Hat took place in early August. https://www.blackhat.com/ . The company Palo Alto sponsored a networking event and parked (at least) two ladies dressed as you see and wearing - again as you see - lampshades alongside a sign.? Lamp shades. Lamp SHADES.? LAMP shades.

So review this image as just a thing you see.

What feelings does it evoke?? Where might it be appropriate?

My first thought regarding appropriateness was as a dance routine - one of those pom routines in high school.? Or maybe a high school marching band with these as their flag costumes, but surely those wouldn't have a slit up the side for legvage. (Another Heather Noggle made-up word, yes, yes).

What is the purpose of this...display?? (Real women, by the way).

black hat is mostly male in attendance - a stark difference in percentage of male versus female attendees.? At all tech conferences there's no wait for the women's bathroom.? Contrast that with the HR events I sometimes attend.

If these women changed into regular clothing and doffed their...head attire...and walked the conference floor, who'd know?

Are you amused, bemused, confused, bruised, or abused about this image and its context? I haven't decided yet.? I think I'm all of them.

If you combine ladies and lamps, you get lampies.? And that's...eww. But that's how I'm going to refer to Lampgate and its poster women. Lampies - Sirens and Harpies with lamp shades?

Reference points:

https://www.britannica.com/topic/Siren-Greek-mythology

https://www.theoi.com/Pontios/Harpyiai.html

Or maybe this...

In a speech to Irish leaders on St. Patrick’s Day, Barack Obama jokingly urged the audience to go easy on the spirits. “Stay as long as you want, try to avoid putting any lampshades on your head, because there are a lot of photographers here,” he said.        

Did Palo Alto really say, "Hey, everybody, here are some drunk, sexy, but-still classy faceless, pliable women we just sponsored?" I think they did indeed.

Reference to lampshade buffoonery:

https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2009/03/when-did-drunk-people-start-putting-lampshades-on-their-heads.html

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So, of course, Palo Alto apologized after some uproar from attendees and onlookers.? Let's spend some time picking apart their apology.? I took a grad school course about strategic attack and defense in communication.

Forget all of that high-road intellectual pickery, though - and let me wear some sarcasm.? Maybe on my head.

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https://www.paloaltonetworks.com/blog/2024/08/a-letter-from-our-ceo/

To our community, customers, partners and colleagues,        

[To anyone who was bothered by the lampies]

Let me begin with a sincere apology for a recent marketing decision at an event hosted by Palo Alto Networks during Black Hat in Las Vegas.         

[The decision was made at the event?? They got those costumes quickly. Thank you, Cleavage n' Legvage 'r Us]

The misguided attempt to welcome guests with branded lampshade-wearing hostesses was not consistent with our values.        

[Go ahead and tell me why on two fronts. One, how'd it get to the public stage? Two, please clarify your values...like, before and after]

I appreciate you not judging us on this isolated event, and I want to reassure you of our continued commitment to and celebration of inclusion and diversity.        

[This is not the furor you're looking for; please move along. Vaguery, thy name is apology.]

Let me be clear: what occurred was unacceptable. We could have, and should have, done better. We will do better. Please know that we have:

- Investigated how the error occurred and addressed the issue within our event team and the entire marketing organization to ensure that we consistently follow our marketing guidelines.        

[LOL - "error" - log that in the bug tracker and triage it - oops, sorry; geekspeak]

- Reinforced our brand-representation guidelines to ensure their alignment with our inclusion and diversity principles.        

[This is the second call-out to DEI.? Why?? This is a matter of appropriateness, and that transcends DEI trope language]

- Established an enhanced management-review of all external-facing brand representations until further notice.        

[Um, okay? Is this okay internally for your brand?? Seems like it - that's how it got EXTERNAL!]

We deeply appreciate your understanding and thoughtful consideration in this matter.        

[Yep, here are my thoughts, consideration, and understanding. Doubt Palo Alto appreciates them. This closing sentence is about as appropriate as a follow-up to a marriage proposal as it is this "error"]

Nikesh Arora
Chairman and CEO, Palo Alto Networks        

Apology grade: D-.? Content's sparse.? Insincerity rings loudly. PR wrote this.

[MAKEITGOAWAY!!!! - hashtag that?]

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So, to close...glad they didn't put wings on them. And I sure hope they were paid well.

What do you think? Especially about context.

Am I throwing shade? Or am I FRAGILE? Fra-GEAL-EEEEE.

#lampshades #screed #blackhat #marketing #conferences