My Educational Experiences with ADHD
I’ve posted a little about my recent ADHD diagnosis and how ADHD has affected me personally. As you may have read in previous articles ADHD was never considered an issue for me as a child. I was mostly able to focus. I actively enjoyed primary school and found learning rewarding enough to keep me engaged. ?
Much of this was down to the amazing teachers I had, and the encouragement I received; but also, the flexibility and trust that was afforded to teaching professionals at that time This flexibility enabled them to flex the curriculum and employ their own enthusiasm for specific topics and this swept me along. I have memories of some incredible lessons in primary school which held my attention with laser focus. In my opinion teachers need space to bring their own unique personalities to the classroom.?
I lived for recognition in primary and secondary school (and still do), I had an irrepressible urge to answer every question, just to get that ‘glow’ of “Well Done Matthew!”. I bet everyone hated me, kids and teachers alike! ?
Recognition has always been my driver, money and job title doesn’t really encourage me; my key thing is to be seen as a good person who knows stuff. I suspect this was a reaction to offset my internal self-loathing, which started to take hold early. The flip side of this is I have little to no ability to self-appreciate, I can’t accept that I’ve done a good job without external intervention. ?
If I had a single wish, I think it would be the ability to acknowledge and believe that I can and do, do a good job.?
Some of the traits of ADHD which became more apparent later were already present in primary school; the fear of rejection (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) and lack of Executive Function skills which other people take for granted, and my tendency to procrastinate were already present.?
Higher levels of education were harder for me to navigate, I lived on my wits and good medium to long term memory (my working memory was and always has been poor). My brain retains useless facts where useful ones should be stored, this general knowledge was a boon for GCSEs. I love knowing things and learning, for me new knowledge fulfils the hunt for Dopamine which ADHD brains are naturally low in. From an early age I loved to watch Open University lectures and documentaries on TV and drank in obscure facts just for the love of information. ?
Consequently my GCSEs went OK, but they were probably my first official confirmation that I hadn’t reached my potential, but I wasn’t too fazed.?
Things fell apart at A level where depth of knowledge was required and revision and rote learning were the standard. Relearning information to a point where I could regurgitate it verbatim on to paper was anathema to me; my mind wandered for hours where I should have hit my notes and files. And hitting my notes and files would have been a problem. Executive Function bit me hard when I reached 16. ?
At GCSE I could remember; for A level note taking was essential. My filing system was non-existent, I took Chemistry notes on the back of Biology notes which meant they couldn’t be stored. I lost work. I left lose A4 notes in my bag to get ruined. My writing was slow, my spelling poor and I fell behind. ?
My self-belief took a further hit, and by exam time I was a mess. Many of my messy notes were lost and nothing filed. I whiled away my time trying to read A level revision books but mostly becoming increasingly stressed. At no point did anyone realise that even if I didn't have ADHD I DID have an executive function issue which would cause ongoing problems. ?
In the 80s and 90s we weren't really taught study skills, you either knew how to file and index what you learned, or you didn't. These days things have improved, and schools and colleges take the time to show young people how to organise themselves. There has been some great research. I came across the VESPA model,
while working in education which empahsises the skills needed for successful study in an accessible and simple way, that teens can understand. If I'd had that it might have helped a bit, but probably not.
Predictably, I flunked my A levels and missed the grades I needed for the Chemistry Degree I initially chose. ?
I took a random offer from a university on clearing, it didn’t inspire me, but they contacted me which gave me a warm fuzzy feeling after my sense of loss of the future I had planned.?
My university experience lasted 9 months; as my stress grew my inability to organise myself became overwhelming, I began not to attend lectures and lost all interest in a subject which hadn’t inspired me in the first place. I'm not proud of it but this was almost certainly the start of my use of alcohol to mask the feelings. No one knew and I drifted away from Manchester and university with an intense feeling of failure.?
I arrived unannounced back on my parent’s doorstep and stated, ‘university was not for me’.
I think they were a bit shocked, they'd expected me gone for at least 3 years!
The aftermath of this was my first taste of true ADHD induced depression, something which would follow me my entire life, and which never truly resolved even with medical intervention (in ADHD land anti-depressants don't really work). In some ways I could write off the A levels like I did the GCSEs but dropping out of university drove home the point that I wasn't cut out for higher level education and that left a vivid scar.?
I’ve always been ‘bright’, able to think on my feet, see things from different angles. Many things come very quickly to me and as I mentioned I enjoy novelty and learning. After a rest and a brief venture into the world of work I was lucky enough to be offered a place on a Higher National Diploma in Business and Finance. This was a varied subject where my wide ranging but shallow depth of knowledge was a strength. ?
HNDs were originally developed in conjunction with industry and maybe the government should have paid attention, because they are varied, interesting and use a variety of assessment techniques. ?
?Are A levels really the best preparation for a life of work??
The variety of work in the HND allowed my brain to keep moving; a mixture of exams, reports, creating computer files for assessment, group works and presentations were perfect for me. I probably could have done better if I'd been more organised, but I passed.?
I stongly believe that a varied teaching methodology should be the norm. The Finnish education system (after years of languishing in a very similar system to the UK and dropping down the international league tables for education), has had great success by amalgamating subjects and introducing varied ways of working to keep its students engaged. With this style we can help children to find their place without the pressure of extensive exams, which (let’s face it) are just a convenient way for schools to categorise and benchmark kids, and suited to very few of them at that!?
30 years later working with A level students, BTEC and HND routes are still (wrongly) considered “for thickies” and this is reinforced by parents who talk about "facilitating subjects" and "Gold Standards", this has been passed down the line of prejudice for years, perpetuating a feeling of failure in those of us for whom exams just don't work. Thank God universities have recognised their benefits. Working in education I think I helped a lot of young people to understand that choosing a way which better suits their abilities is not a second-best option, but a sensible decision (much to the anger of many sets of parents!)?
Despite a varied style of learning I still struggled with Executive Function and procrastination during my HND, work was left to the last minute to build up a level of Adrenaline panic, promising an eventual Dopamine release. Frantic nights of cramming a week’s work into twelve caffeine fueled hours has been a recurrent theme in my education and work.?
It didn’t get any better; in my thirties I embarked on a Post-Grad Diploma to become a Careers Advisor (ironic given I never achieved a degree). My enthusiasm won over the panel who accepted me on to the course. ?
Despite promising myself I would change, a year of procrastination, late nights, panic, and caffeine ensued. The pride that I should have about completing this level of study is perpetually clouded by my memories of late nights and the shame of just not being able to get myself organised.?That said it did manage to repair some of the scars left by my teenage university experience.
Outside of formal education short courses and online learning have been a much better route for me, the novelty can hold me for a few hours. Fast-paced learning from a screen has always been easier for me and I think it should be an integral part of the way we teach our children.?
So, that’s a summary of my experience of formal education. This WAS going to be a blog entry about my experiences at work; but I went off on a complete tangent, how apt!
I plan to do two entries about work, one about my experiences and another about what employers might be able to do to better support people with ADHD at work. When I get around to it!?
As always apologies for a) the rambling and b) the many errors, I reread this once and made the changes that I spotted, but I’ve lost focus. I hope it's readable!?