My Ebenezer Epiphany

Last year I wrote about a letter to my son going off to college?Off to College | LinkedIn. Since he is now going back (tis the season), I have been thinking a lot about that letter to him.? More generally I have thought about how important it is for me to share my “wisdom” with my children.? So, I am finally asking…. why??

In truth the advice I provide is almost always unsolicited. I should also “read the room” when I notice their painful facial expressions and not so subtle sighs, when I begin one of my “lectures.”? I understand that my constant unsolicited advice may project that I am a “wannabe know it all.”

That is not my intent.? I share my life lessons to teach them. ?I do so with the hope that they will not make the same mistakes as me. ?I want them to take my learnings and skip the “hard suff.”??

Did I ignore similar advice from my parents…and others?? ?Probably.? Words and lessons are helpful, but it is the application of those lessons in real situations that solidify the learning.? Stated differently, the best ways to learn is on your own time and with your own experiences.?

My life experience is not theirs. But to the extent there are similarities, I still hold out hope my words become seeds of thought.? And with the right elements, those seeds will grow into something that is useful.? And maybe they can stand on my shoulders of my life experience in a way to improve theirs.?

So, who should I provide advice to using my own life experiences?? Well, me of course.? I could write a letter to my “past” self.? But what good would that do?? Even if I had Doc Brown, a DeLorean and a flux capacitor and could go “back in time,” would I really listen to my “future self?? Probably not.? So, what am I left with?? Providing advice to my present and future self (absent the Christmas ghosts).

I spent some time thinking…what would my best advice be?? I came up with a list.? The list is not comprehensive but was top of mind.? Some of these things I do consistently.? Some I do not, but wish I did.? So, thinking about where I have been and where I still want to go, here is some advice, to my current and future self:?

-????????? Embrace Discomfort.

-????????? Take Chances.

-????????? Get plenty of sleep.

-????????? Don’t Compare.

-????????? Practice Gratitude.

-????????? Be Curious Not Judgmental.

-????????? Surround yourself with great people.

-????????? Have a sense of humor.?

-????????? Control what you can.?

Embrace discomfort. ?Seeking comfort can prevent meaningful growth.? Look for opportunities to challenge yourself physically and intellectually.? Consistent challenge creates Grit.? Grit is the key to successful outcomes.

Take chances. ?Don’t let fear of failure make you stagnant or non-decisive.? Take action that is informed and calculated.? But don’t over think to the point of inaction.? Mistakes of action are far more valuable than inaction.?

Get sleep.? It is amazing how much better your mind and body can work with proper rest.? Never underestimate the value of rest. Make it consistent and a priority.?

Don’t compare yourself to others.? You are on your unique journey.? Be happy for others in their success but stay away from the temptation to compare.? “Comparison is the thief of joy.”? Theodore Roosevelt. Instead of comparison, focus on being the best version of yourself.?

Be grateful.? When we focus on what we don’t have, we lose sight of what we have.? Be grateful for what you have and where you are.? I have noticed those who are grateful seem to manage tough times differently.? They don’t focus on the negative, but rather the positive even in times of immense hardship.? Be that person.? Practice gratitude often (if not daily).?

“Be curious, not judgmental.”? Made famous by Ted Lasso (written by Walt Whitman) is an absolute gem in only four words.? When I judge, I miss out on opportunities. Opportunities to meet others and learn.? From a relationship perspective, the biggest killer of trust and respect is judgement. ?Curiosity, on the other hand, promotes interest and connection.? It also promotes continuous lifelong learning.? Embrace the concept of being “kindergarten curious.”? To be childlike in how you view the world.? With wonder and curiosity.? Wake up every day with the intent of being curious.?

Surround yourself with motivated, passionate, caring people.? For years I disliked this statement, “you can tell a lot about a person by who they spend time with.”? But it is true.? Highly motivated, caring and successful people in most cases have or had a mentor, friend, parent or coworker who inspired them.? Seek out smarter people and ask lots of questions (that part is not difficult for me, the smarter people part).? ?Another method of “surrounding yourself” is by reading.? So many books provide thought provoking insight.? Seek out a variety of books and set aside the time to read them.?

Don’t take life too seriously.? The more you can have a sense of humor about life events and yourself the more you will be able to manage the natural ups and downs.? I am not promised any specific amount of time.? So, enjoy the ride by looking at opportunities to laugh.

Finally, learn to focus on controlling what you can.? Lots of time and energy can be spent worrying about things out of my control.? There is no need.? Spend the time and energy on the things I can control.?

For example, I can’t make my kids listen to my very valuable lessons ?? ??But I?still wish I could…