In My Defense...

I have a confession to make. It's not really a secret, but nor is it something I broadcast unless asked. I wouldn't say it's shameful, though some of you might come to that conclusion when you hear it:

I am an English major.

The first thing that come out of people's mouths while I was in college after telling them that I was an English major was "What are you going to do with that?" My favorite answer? Anything I want to.

I mostly said it for the shock factor - I loved seeing the battle of disbelief and social politeness cross their face. The internal battle of "ha!"and "she'll fail". Rudeness aside, the belief was a common one.

I'm about nine years out of college, and I can safely say that I'm not a failure. I can also say that my liberal arts degree has given me no small measure of support in exercising my professional muscles. Success hasn't come easily, but that isn't because of degree, it's because success is something earned.

But I did want to put together my perspective of what it takes to be "successful". And I would be remiss if I didn't say that this advice came from years of learning, mentors, and interviews.

You are your network. This seems fairly obvious, but I wanted to iterate that your network is everyone you know. I mean, duh, right? But I think we often misplace network with "business colleagues" and that is not the case. Your network is anyone and everyone you have come across (both good and bad), in both the professional and personal settings. My first (real) job out of college? My college extracurriculars. My second job out of college? My college extracurricular activities. My third job out of college? Just straight kicking ass.

This can seem intimidating to the introverts out there, and frankly, even the extroverts who don't want to always be "on", but it's very much our reality. Who you are as a person outside of work impacts who you get to be professionally. That should be scary as hell, but it should also be encouraging. Your network just expanded ten fold, and you can leverage it in ways that you might not have perceived before.

Take advice (and help) when it's given to you. Obviously, there are caveats to this advice, as not everyone will give you stellar career advice. But the intent of it is that when someone in your professional or personal network gives you advice or offers to help, follow through. I remember sitting down at Microsoft with a global lead who had retired from the Navy. He said in no less terms: if you don't follow through when a mentor is helping you out, you will burn bridges.

I've offered to help with resumes, edit cover letters, but when it comes to the person asking for help actually doing something with it, it tends to fall flat. I'm not going to write your resume for you, but I will edit and make suggestions. And if I take the time to do that, make sure you take it into consideration, and/or make the changes. Of course, if the advice isn't in line with where you want to go with your career, that's a different matter, but for the most part, the advice should be acted on, and followed through.

Be personable. I've mistakenly thought that to be professional, I needed to be polished, poised, and...well, bland. I would overcorrect for my personality and focus purely on the work that needed to get done. But that's not how we, as humans, work. We have a drive for human connection, one that doesn't stop at the door when we enter our workplace. It's okay to be yourself, it's okay to joke, to be personal. For the individuals who fear that emotion, empathy, is their weakness, try to stop worrying. This is one of your strengths. Connecting on a human level makes you memorable. It makes you human.

Get ready to define, and redefine, and redefine again (and again) your aspirations and priorities. I cannot stress the importance of this enough. You have to know your priorities - and that includes those that fit into your personal life. And you have to revisit those priorities frequently because they constantly change. And it's going to be a really uncomfortable conversation with yourself, because defining your priorities is REALLY HARD. But here are some questions that should be a part of the process, and honesty is really important. No one will see the answers to these questions aside from you, so make sure you aren't lying to yourself:

• What, specifically, drives and fulfills me in my job and personal life? Is it glamour? Is it meaning? Is it impact? Is it money?
• What are my top five priorities, personal life included? Ex - fitness, hobbies, family, school, career
• What kind of job would enable my priorities? Ex - flex time, schedule, commute, finances
• Where am I willing to compromise in my life? Can I compromise salary for less commute? Can I compromise a glamorous job for a more meaningful one with higher impact?
• What will I not compromise in my life?
• Where do I want to "end up" in two years? I've changed this from the traditional five - for a few reasons. People don't stay at companies for a long time, and the landscape of our digital world changes daily. If you have defined where you want to be in five years, there's a chance that that landscape won't be around then. Heck, if you've defined it in the two year model, there's a chance that won't be there either. It's why you should redefine, and revisit. And why you should focus more on what fulfills you, than specific job titles.

Always Be Learning, Networking, Growing, Stretching. Yes, it's cliche advice, it's why I've combined them into one segment. But I want to emphasize the importance of each one of these verbs. Read. A lot. Every day. It can be fiction, business, non-fiction, Twitter, blogs, LinkedIn. Whatever it is that inspires you, chase it.

Connect with those that you're reading from, on LinkedIn, Twitter. Start conversations. And lastly, challenge yourself to grow. In my fulfillment matrix, a prompting fear that's driven one of my priorities is the "pigeon hole". I work in social media, but I don't want to be defined by it. I work in recruitment, but I don't want to be isolated in my knowledge of the business. So a priority to me is to learn anything that aligns with helping me do my job better, my aspirations and passions. An example of this is taking Python classes on a free university website so when an engineer comes to me and speaks the foreign language of a technologist, I can at least nod at the right part of the conversation.

Take Initiative. I have never gotten the feedback of "you have too much initiative". And even in those times where my initiative has gotten me into situations that might not be ideal, the feedback from my managers isn't "stop taking initiative". It's: how can I help you? Finding managers that say this is harder, but that's another blog topic entirely.

Leave your ego. Dear goodness, please, leave your ego. No good decision made is driven by your f*cking ego. I'll lead into this one with a personal story. My husband and I were fighting, and not politely. It was so important to both of us that we be right, that we "win". And we made the poor decision of doing this in front of our two year-old daughter. She hated the conflict, and it resulted in her crying, and me taking a step back.

The conclusion I came to was simply, "my pride isn't worth this."

You won't always have the best answer, but that doesn't mean you can't contribute to get to the best one. And a lot of that will be bolstering those around you to make a safe place for different opinions. Being right, individually, is a whole hell of a lot less meaningful when no one has decided to help you implement your grand idea.

Your ego will only get in the way of meaningful, collaborative discussions.

Don't avoid uncomfortable situations. In marriage, in my career, in management and leadership, I've noticed that I've done this thing. I get this small ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach that impacts the way I handle (read: ignore) uncomfortable situations. What I've started to do is when I notice this discomfort, I force myself to address it. I know I don't want to, I know it's probably not going to be a comfortable situation, I know that it may result in a decision that won't make everyone happy. But the reality is that the longer I put it off, the worse it will be for everyone. If you're looking for a book to read more about addressing uncomfortable situations, read Radical Candor. It's a great book that balances empathy with critical feedback.

I'll end this blog with saying that I'm no expert. In fact, I have an inherent distrust of "gurus", "experts", "ninjas", and "superstars". I think life changes too much, too quickly, for anyone to have a perfect grasp on what it means to find success. But I hope that some of this advice resonated with your personal and professional situation. And as always, I'm here if you need me.