My dear Women please break….self imposed traps………..and live your life fully ………

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In a recent counseling session, I was talking to a woman who was so anxious and was trapped in her own self imposed guilt more than any other pressures which are mostly imposed by family and society on women.

I don’t know sometimes, I feel society has weaved an idealistic character for a women who has to sacrifice many things and herself in name of selflessness to be called as genuine & nice.

This is not one example, in my career of 20 plus years I have heard so many stories like this one & I feel so sad that why a women’s career is even optional how can they consider her career optional after being married or being a mother on the contrary it is never optional for men.

On the other way round if a man wants to take a break for his child or for some thing else why is it not an option for him, he comes under so much of societal or family pressure.

I remember I was talking to a very senior leader in a high value driven organization few years back and I just happened to ask about his family and he said that his wife was earlier working and after becoming a mother he told her to take care of children as he was raised by a working mother and he missed her always so he didn’t want the same experience to be carried forward to his children, I was amazed to hear such a thought process……. What does that mean…. if he has a daughter which I don’t remember right now so if she happens to aspire becoming a CEO of a company will he give the same advice to his daughter too…I felt really sad, I tried to share a different perspective but perhaps he was too tied up in his own belief system that he didn’t want to hear any other perspective.

I hear from many women that oh…you know my husband allowed me to do a job , honestly I get highly agitated at this statement……how can you give someone this authority to allow you… that should be your own decision, yes of course your spouse and your family can support you but decision has to be yours, ownership is very important to be confident in what you do.

Coming back to this recent conversation with the newly returned mother to work, I asked her the same question which I wanted to ask that leader in the other organization that you have a daughter dont you want to set an example for your daughter that she should aspire to be a CEO and not sit back and disrupt her career.

I have seen many women once they take a sabbatical which is not bad sometimes if it’s a small break but if it’s a long break these women really lose momentum and cant gather courage to come back to work.

A highly talented women in my professional group tells me that Iam satisfied I gave up my job and I dedicated my life to my child, I asked her in a recent get together that now your child is growing up once he is a teenager he will have his own life then you will have to go after him to find some time as he will be too busy with his own world, how will you feel then, wont you feel that you sacrificed your life and now you have nothing to do…..I don’t know how much she will consider my advise but this is a reality.

I have my own sister who got succumbed to this pressure and today she regrets why she left her career inspite of being so talented.

I look at my mother I feel very sad as she wanted to work and is very qualified for some time she worked as a teacher but had to give up due to family pressures, today when she looks at me she feels proud as though she is living her dream through me, I still try to find avenues for her so that she can find more meaning to her life.

My daughter is 15 years old and believe me her agenda is more busy than mine and I have to find a time slot for me with her somehow and that too is my initiative & the meeting always has to be in starbucks ??

Ladies please remember that 26-32 years age is to have a family and the same time is to build a meaningful career and you can do both.

The only thing is don’t try to do everything , don’t try to be perfect, imperfections are beautiful.

Work life balance is a myth believe in work life integration, believe me when you consider work is not the source of compensation but it gives meaning to your life then it will be very satisfying.

For women being financially independent and emotionally independent is very important, that’s what I tell my daughter always, I don’t teach her functional/subject books but I teach her life skills.

People change…… they will not remain your support always so become your own support.

Don’t be afraid to ask for support from your friends and family.

Outsource the activities which are of less value( though I don’t undermine any work) or which can easily be taken care without your presence.

Don’t get into a victim story, people are dreaming to have a life like you so value it and count your blessings.

Stay away from toxic people who suck your positive energy.

Work on your overall health most importantly on your mind.

Don’t be afraid to express fully.

Develop self- love, if you value yourself then only you can value others, remember you are the most important person for yourself and its not selfish at all.

Have friends but who are real and genuine.

Crying is ok in fact its healthy as its very important to channelize your emotions in a healthy way ?but have genuine shoulders to cry else one has to pay a price heavily.

Don’t try to make everyone happy else you will remain unhappy, just do the right thing.

Practice mindfulness techniques it really helps to stay calm.

If you can imbibe spirituality in your life nothing like that, spirituality has nothing to do with religion.

Spirituality in one sentence says that we are nothing but a tiny speck in this universe so don’t take yourself and things too seriously that you come in distress, I believe Eustress is good as it keeps you alert but distress is very detrimental for your health.

Keep on learning always don’t look for a promotion measure your growth by seeing how much you have learned new things and how much you have polished your strengths.

Few real time tips for returning mothers:-

Talk to your HR in advance about your return date and what arrangements can be made for your re assimilation at work

See what best arrangement s can be done at home for childcare in terms of day care etc….

Be ready to adapt a new schedule.

Avail flexibility at work to manage things effectively.

Have regular interactions with your manager and HR about challenges and support required.

Most importantly stay happy and energized and consider this time as a beautiful phase which you can enjoy sailing it through by staying positive.

Marketing Manager

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