FOR my daughter

Seven weeks ago, my wife and I welcomed our daughter into the world. As we are learning, being first-time parents is an absolute game changer! Some have referred to this stage as the 4th trimester, and they couldn't be more right. Dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and lots of wet wipes (did I mention dirty diapers) have made our lives look very different.

While the lifestyle changes have been significant, the emotional changes have been just as impactful. When my daughter looks at me with eyes wide open and starts to crack a smile...there's nothing like it! In those moments, a question has started to pop in my head, "what is she thinking as she looks at me?" Right now that question is rhetorical (aside from the occasional coo), but the actions I take now and in the future will influence her response. Basically what I am processing is how to show my daughter that I am FOR her, and at a practical level, figure out what that even means.

The questions I am wrestling with as a new father are likely the same ones many of us wrestle with throughout our careers...What is my purpose? How am I executing on it? Or the way Jeff Henderson says it in his new book is, "What do you want to be known for?" and "What are you known for?"

As leaders, Jeff challenges us to answer those questions in four domains (the Customer, the Team, the Community, and You). For this article I want to focus on the last one, because I completely agree when Jeff says that "Our personal climates dictate the forecast of our relationships both personally and professionally."

So let's tackle these two questions together:

• What do you want to be known for?
• What are you known for?

What do you want to be known for?

During his prime, Kobe Bryant was arguably the best basketball player in the world. There will always be GOAT debates, but at least for a significant period in the NBA, Kobe was the guy. As fans, we only had the opportunity to see Kobe's performance on the main stage, but when you ask those who knew him behind the cameras, you hear more about his work ethic, drive, and commitment to mastery of his craft than anything else.

One example of this is a conversation with author Alan Stein Jr., after he had finished watching Kobe practice. Somewhat underwhelmed by the drills he saw Kobe do, at the end of the session he asked Kobe "why do you do such basic stuff?" Which was a fair question seeing that he was the best player in the game. Without hesitation, Kobe had a slight smile on his face and responded, "That's why I'm the best. Because I never got bored with the basics."

Kobe knew what he wanted to be known for...being the best basketball player in the world. Answering that question gave a focus to his life. The sacrifices he would make, the intentionality with which he would live, all of that was in response to him knowing what he wanted to be known for.

The same is true for us. When we make the time to answer that question, life becomes a lot clearer. If we don't answer that question, we could excel in a lot of things, but never actually accomplish the most important things.

So how do we figure out what we want to be known for? I think the answer lies in another question. "What do I want people to say when I'm not in the room?" As I think about that question with my daughter, words like "caring", "strong", "humble", and "present" come to mind. That, among many other things, is what I want to be known for by her. What do you want people to say when you aren't in the room?

What are you known for?

This question is where the rubber meets the road. Being someone who has "futuristic" high in their StrengthsFinder, I love answering "what do you want to be known for", because that is all about where you heading. Although the first question might be more fun to answer, this second question is just as valuable, because it will be hard to make progress on your destination until there is clarity that you are pointed in the right direction.

Keeping with my new father example, I don't think my seven week old will be giving me profound answers to this question anytime soon (outside of the occasional crying, although that might be saying something), but that also doesn't give me an excuse not to ask it.

Where I can get the answer to this question is from my wife. In the mix of all the incredible gifts that she has, one of those is being a truth teller. I can get very clear feedback on what I am known for as a father by opening the door for my wife to share that with me.

In our professional endeavors, our spouse can still be a great source of truth, but there are other relationships that can be just as impactful. One specifically that Jeff calls out is our relationship with a mentor. Having someone who is excited about where you are heading, while not sugarcoating where you currently are can be one of the greatest blessings to our development.

Another group that can help us answer this question are our true friends. Those few relationships where at times they seem to know you better than you know yourself. I recently went on a goal-setting trip with a friend like this, and in addition to encouraging my dreams, he challenged me on specific areas that I can continue to develop in the present.

Who are those people for you? Whether a mentor, or a few close friends, who can you trust to both believe the best in your future, and expect the best from your present?

Close

Well, there we have it. Two of the most important questions we can ask ourselves. What do we want to be known for, and what are we known for?

When I think about that answer for myself, I want to be known as someone who helps others turn their dreams into reality. What am I known for now? That's a question I will continue to ask those closest to me.

Finishing where we began, I don't know if my daughter will ever read this article. If she does though, I hope that she will say there isn't delta between what her dad wants to be known for and what he is known for.

May we all continue shrinking the gap between those two questions.

-Fred