My Dad Had A Stroke
I got the call from my mom Sunday.?
She had just dropped dad off at the Emergency Room.?
Droopy left cheek. Trouble chewing. Slurring words.?
Not good.
An ambulance was rushing him to a larger hospital.?
I rushed too, packing a bag and driving the hour to meet my mom at her house.?
The rest of this week has been a blur.?
Good news moments.?
Bad news moments.?
A roller coaster of emotions.?
We got 2 short visitations a day with dad and all the waiting rooms were closed due to COVID, so mom and I spent most of our time at her place.?
I'll never forget the low point.?
Tuesday.?
We were at their kitchen table and dad had looked horrible when we left the hospital.?
The technical details from CT Scans and MRIs were positive, but he had lost so much cognitive ability it was hard to watch.?
That moment.?
It just didn't seem like dad would make it.?
My mom and I made a pact.?
We would do two things.?
We'd be?brutally honest?about what we were facing.?
And at the very same time we'd have?unwavering faith?we'd make it through, no matter what happened.?
We cried so much in that kitchen that day.?
But we were together.?
We had each other.
I ran across those two rules years ago. They helped me so much this week.?
Combining?brutal honesty?with?unwavering faith?is powerful.?
Jim Collins called thinking in those two ways The Stockdale Paradox.?
You can see him describe it powerfully in less than 3 minutes?here.?
It's worth the watch.
That mindset has gotten me through a lot of tough times.?
And it did this time as well.
My daughter Josie and I drove to the hospital the next morning, meeting my mom.?
Dad was much better.?
It turned out the anti-seizure medications dad had been given right before we left the day before had impacted him more than we had realized.?
His improvement has continued and and as I write this on Friday, he's resting at home.?
It's going to take a lot of physical and speech therapy, but there's a chance he'll get back, close to 100%.?
I know he's exhausted now.?
I'm exhausted too.
But even more so, I'm feeling grateful.?
So grateful.?
This week gave me a gift:?clarity.?
I couldn't help but think a lot about the Top Five Regrets of the Dying, a book by Bonnie Ware.?
领英推荐
That book summarized all she learned from guiding 1000s of patients through their final moments.?
(You can get a quick overview?in this article.)?
Bonnie found five regrets came up often:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
I thought about my dad a lot this week.?
My mom just as much.?
My wife Becky. My daughters Gabby and Josie. My friends, colleagues and clients.?
Through it all, I felt grateful.?
No matter what happened to dad, I knew he had no regrets.?
He lived a life true to himself.
An alcoholic, he had his last drink August 4, 1984.?
Shortly after that he got a Masters Degree in Substance Abuse Counseling, finishing his career helping thousands of people overcome addictions.?
My mom has lived a life true to herself too.?
And as I thought about me and my family, I was flooded with all we've done to live a life true to ourselves. To spend time together. To have strong relationships.?
To work hard, but as a way to help others.?
To express our feelings.?
To invest in amazing friends.?
To let ourselves be happy.?
This week was hell.?
And yet I'm so grateful for it.?
Here's my clarity.
I'm grateful that the people I love are living a life they love.?
I'm grateful for all the support I got this week: friends, clients, colleagues. People rushed to help. They prayed. They let me know they were thinking of me. They jumped in to help any way they could.?
I've been overwhelmed with support.
Most of all, I'm grateful my dad is still here to have a positive impact on those around him.?
Especially my daughters.?
One day at a time, he's trying to make the world a little better.?
Me too.?
I know you are too.?
We've all been given a great gift today.?
We're alive.
So let's?live.
Let's get after it!
Let's all ask ourselves...
What can we do to make the world a little better today?
No regrets.
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Self-Proclaimed Retirement Nerd | Passionate About Benefits, Compliance & Strategy
3 年So glad to hear your dad is doing better. The top 5 list is powerful. Sadly, too many of us are guilty of these very things. Prayers for you and your family.
I help organizations and leaders ride the waves of change! | Digital Nomad | Podcast Host of Roaming with Restless Women | Axiogenics Evangelist | Red Team Facilitator | Keynote Speaker
3 年An excellent reminder to keep perspective always! Prayers for all of you Mo!
Vice President - Growth Leader
3 年Thanks for sharing Mo. A strong reminder of what really matters. Glad your father is improving. Sending good thoughts your way.
Prayers for you and your family, Mo. I can very personally relate to this, having experienced it earlier this year. We were so very grateful to have had our family together and with my dad for his remaining time. Today would have been his 90th birthday. Definitely makes one think about life and how to live it better. I love the clarity and insights - thank you for sharing. My thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family for your father's continued healing!
Director State of Connecticut Account at Anthem BCBS of Connecticut
3 年Thank you for sharing Mo! This is a reminder to reset and value what's most important. Thoughts and prayers to your dad and your family! Stay strong!