My Crystal Ball is Broken!

“STOP”

This was the text response I received from my client.?I thought, “Oh shoot, I didn’t introduce myself in my first text.”

“Hi John, it’s Trish Perry, your coach.?We have a session Thursday at 9:00.?

“STOP”

What???He didn’t want me to text him? “It’s ok, I’ll clarify on Thursday.”

But really,?it wasn’t ok.?

I have this crystal ball?in my head that predicts the future.?Today it was?working overtime.

“What happened??We had a great first session, he asked me to text him.?Maybe he?decided not to coach with me?anymore.?What did I do wrong?”

I talked myself off the ledge, “Your crystal ball isn’t always right.?Stop making up stories and clarify. It’s probably a misunderstanding.

Thursday 9:00 AM I open the Zoom call, but?John doesn’t join.

I text him at 9:05 AM.?No response…??

At 9:15?I email, “Hi John, we had a 9:00 session.?Something must’ve come up… I texted you and you replied STOP. Just clarifying that you don’t want any texts.?Thanks.”

But in my head, my?crystal ball was lit up!

“See, I knew I was right.?He doesn’t want me to text him or coach him anymore.?What did I do or say? He’ll complain to his manager and?I’ll never work with this organization again.”

Yep, that was it,?I was fired.?My crystal ball was quite clear.

A few hours later John’s email said, “Trish, I’m sorry.??My calendar didn’t notify me.?Also, I never got a text from you.?My number is 123-456-7890.?Maybe a wrong number???Can we reschedule?”

My crystal ball was broken.?The story I’d made up was?NOT?true.?John had forgotten the session and I’d been off by one number in my text…?mistakes made by both of us.

Why do I do this to myself?

My crystal ball, those?stories that I make up. are?wrong far more often than right.?But I continue?to use it for answers.?

I’m surprised how often this is the case for my clients as well.

So many of us lean to the negative story before we have the facts. We reach into our memory to try to make sense of what’s happening and we often create the worst-case scenario.?

Neurologically,?humans are wired for the negative.?Safety?is our brain’s?first priority,?and uncertainty is interpreted as danger. When there is danger, our brains and bodies?respond with fear and become protective.?

Fear, thinking worst-case, or?catastrophizing is our brain’s way of protecting us.?

How do we?stop?catastrophizing??Here are?5?tips:

• Focus on?what IS, the facts, not what we make up
• Play out your?worst-case scenario
• Play out your?best-case scenario
• Which is true??Either, both or neither- we don’t know
• Get?more data points

?This quote is so true,?“Fears aren’t facts”,?yet our brain tries to make us believe they are.

The key is to?realize when fear controls your thoughts.?When you have this awareness take a break, take a couple of?deep breaths?and think through the situation using the?tips above.?It is also helpful to?write it out or talk to someone?and?process your thoughts.?

Do you have a crystal ball??Have you made up a story out of uncertainty or fear??Reply and share your story, I’d love to hear from you..?

Peace and Joy,

Trish

Harmonize Coaching

PCC, Master Certified Results Coach

www.harmonizeu.com

612-805-0997