My Corporate Career with ADHD

#mentalhealthawareness #zerodiscriminationday #adhdawareness

Ever seen the children's animation 'Ice Age 2'? If not, I highly recommend it, for educational purposes of course.

In the story line Manny the mammoth discovers he's not the last mammoth on earth when he meets Ellie, a female mammoth who was raised by an opossum family and disillusioned she is one of them.

Now this elicits massive confusion for Manny, who, can very clearly see that Ellie has all the physiological body parts of a mammoth. It takes the greater part of the film to convince her of her true identity as a mammoth.

The scene I would like to highlight here is Ellie's recollection into childhood, growing up slightly (a lot) different from her opossum brothers.

Picture the landscape these marsupials inhabit - lots of climbing trees.?Now imagine you have no thumbs to assist, and weigh enough to snap the largest of branches. Everyone around you has no problem at all, effortlessly scurrying up and down. How do you feel? Confused? Frustrated? Failing?

Now step in the shoes of someone discovering as an adult that they never were neurotypical (an opossum) and suddenly have clarity over the reason things that come quite easily to others are very difficult for them (mammoths).

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The point of all this opossum and mammoth garble is to draw your awareness to the unconscious assumptions we make of our work associates who have an underlying mental disability/illness such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).

There are a lot of adults discovering that they aren't really opossums. While it's comforting to know there are many other mammoths to network with, it's hard to accept that the tools to overcome these learning difficulties and fitting in while growing up were denied to you. Being forced to figure it out for yourself and adopting protective behaviours to survive in early development are a lifetime disruption to stable and healthy growth.

If you're wondering exactly how ADHD brains function differently, I can't really answer that because, while universally there are common symptoms (Inflexibility, Forgetfulness, Inattention, Impulsivity, Emotional Dysregulation, Hyperactivity) how they manifest in our behaviours can be very different. e.g. forgetfulness could mean constantly losing your keys/wallet or it could be time blindness forgetting to check on the time and arriving late to appointments - if you've even remembered the appointment.

I discovered my ADHD at age 28. My diagnosis came about after my son was recommended for attention deficit testing and diagnosed with significant markers for ADHD. Throughout this process it became painstakingly obvious that many of the issues he was having in the classroom reflected my own adolescent experiences.

As a female, ADHD wasn’t really considered a potential diagnosis at school age because I didn't backflip off ceilings after a glass of cordial.

Instead, I had been given a diagnosis at age 8 for Depression. The how, why and treatment are not the focus of this article. The emphasis I would like to make is the impact this had both psychologically and academically and masking to overcome feeling different from the rest of the class.

My primary school reports read something along the lines of 'disruptive, distracted, average grades, speaks without thinking, good start but ideas need more development'.

My school and teachers' lack of education towards neurodiversity prevented the nurturing environment needed to form healthy child modes. To them I was rude or petulant, foghorn loud, constantly reactive to antagonists, unorganized, inconsistent in my work ethic, overly emotional and lacking in focus. The solution was always punishment in the form of exclusion, further alienating and cementing the idea that there was something just wrong and unlikeable about me.???

While I sympathise with their frustrations at having a disruptive and stubborn student on their hands, I can't help strongly believing that if diagnosis and treatment had been more widely recognised, the immense difference it could have made in my communication and abilities as an adult.

Having had many a manager pull me aside; irritable and cynically rendering feedback for oversights made, inconsistency of performance in a structured work environment, misinterpretation of my words, tone or body language at a time I have poorly regulated emotions - I am elated to have a diagnosis that says yes! I learn differently and that's ok. All that's needed is a little flexibility and a strong communication line with my superiors.

Invalidation of good work, acknowledgement of strengths, and team contributions by overshadowing prejudice for an invisible disability among neurotypical co-workers happen all the time.

We subconsciously perceive at maturity, human brains are complete, sophisticated, and emotionally evolved, logically able to articulate elucidations for our every action and feeling.

Realistically with undiagnosed illnesses/disabilities such as ADHD, awareness of self has been limited by access to support networks, Doctors, and educational materials.

The pressure to explain these behaviours and differences to a boss without the tools and knowledge on hand is exceedingly exasperating.?

I'll do my best to briefly describe my observations and personal reflection of the visibly odd mannerisms and interesting habits that resonated with my ADHD while having worked in a corporate environment for over 10 years, the stigma and awkwardness of building professional relationships, haphazard career progression and mindfulness to inequality.

My hope is that you'll treat fellow peers and direct reports with inclusiveness and consideration to their differences. Becoming one step closer to removing the unconscious discrimination that takes place in the workplace, with 40% of impairment discrimination complaints in Western Australia alone lodged at work.

1. Casual Seating Positions

I can't count the number of times I have caught the frown on a colleagues face when they approach me as I sit with one leg folded up on the office chair or my knee parallel to the computer screen. Worse than being unprofessional this is also 'un lady-like' for a female.?

Without filling this piece with scientific spiel, please google symmetrical tonic neck reflex (STNR). It explains the cross over from early child development and the inability to maintain upright postures commonly occurring in ADHD children/adults. Plainly speaking, the top half of the body is constantly fighting to be opposite to the lower half. Folded legs has the effect of keeping the brain 'straight' directing the focus in front.

I would love to see the use of floor seating such as bean bags in open plan offices more.

2. Stuck Moments

The best analogy I have heard for this is asking someone to place their hand in a boiling pot of water. Go on just do it. What are you waiting for? The pot is right there in front of you!

Yes physically it can be done, but what happens in your head is a jamming device! Programmed to prevent the body from completing the action. This stuck feeling can come with completing the simplest of tasks with ADHD, and is usually more prevalent with fatigue, stress, low dopamine, or sugar induced hyperactivity.

It's an overwhelming feeling, and fosters further negative self-criticism. Thoughts of inadequacy, failure, and constant comparison to how effortless peers are managing, all the while imagining they too are scrutinising your subpar work ethic.

I've seen this poorly handled by managers in the past. Blame falls to the colleague for either not showing enough autonomy, or in the reverse, not doing enough in a fast-paced environment to timely pursue approved support, and the dismissal of consideration the current support in place is not tailored or appropriate for the individuals underlining impediment.

Feeling accepted and safe in any work environment is a right for everyone. I urge you to take care and exercise empathy when a colleague gives any indication they are struggling and, normalise the provision of customised support and resources in a non-judgmental and respectful approach.

3. Brain Fog & Forgetfulness Trepidation

Ever written a shopping list only to realise you left it at home and now find yourself blindly walking through isles, mostly completing the groceries and a lot of things you didn't plan to buy? Now imagine every process in your daily life is dictated by the same scenario.

A big struggle with ADHD forgetfulness is verbally being provided information or a multi step request in a fast-paced environment that doesn’t allow for note taking, the time to mentally process what needs to be done, or having many components dated futuristically once other collaborators have done their part.

I take considerable energy and time to back track and reinvestigate the next steps, like walking into a room and not knowing why you're there, the answers don't come to mind easily.?A default reaction to this, is rushing through the tasks all at once before any distractions might occur.

I acknowledge this is a flawed coping mechanism, which can either impact attention to detail or cause a 'stuck' moment as outlined above. If the workplace doesn't feel like a safe environment to open-up, it can be difficult to overcome the anxiety of approaching my colleague numerous times to repeat small details.

Very likely the apprehension of incompetence will be carried forward to each new employment, shaking self-confidence and causing a bottle-neck to personal growth.

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Another perplexing scenario you may have encountered while conversing; suddenly being interrupted to wait a moment as the other person urgently darts away to scribble down something unrelated before their thought is lost. This might feel rude and offensive but the reason for it is an insecurity/self doubt that this will be forgotten five minutes from now when it would be more polite to attend to. Rather than feeling disgruntled, why not offer up a pen so things can get back on task quickly.???

4. Multi-stim-tasking

I bet you didn't know that the two D's in ADHD actually stand for 'Dopamine Deficiency'.

Just messing with you, but dopamine is a big deal for brains, it transmits important messages around the body like reward systems, movement, thinking and emotion. When the switchboard in our head has a faulty circuit, these messages start to glitch when received and don't always behave with it's intended purposes.

Put another way, think of the beginning of rainfall. The droplets don't fall in a predictable consistent pattern, so the ground is not uniformly damp until a large downpour breaks out.

Like a rainstorm, stimulant medication is used to flood the brain with the missing dopamine it isn't producing naturally.

This cuts down fidgeting, impulsive behaviour, and low attention spans but isn't a complete cure. Used in conjunction - alternative treatments like psychotherapeutic interventions can help control the symptoms of overstimulation or under stimulation, key symptoms that impact work productivity.???

Often at times my productivity is motivated by the novelty of task switching. Researchers know It's a bad habit, and It's not just ADHD affected brains that do it.

The concept is by switching tasks when the attention span has worn thin, a new shiny challenge will fire up the neurons again. In reality this just leads to a trail of unfinished tasks.

To combat this form of self-sabotage I use alternative strategies like plugging head phones in to ignore the lure of distractions, completing small tasks on days I know my reward system needs extra hits of 'achievement satisfaction' to stay on track, and deferring the big tasks for days I can challenge myself more, alternatively, completing tasks closer to a deadline where pressure and urgency engage focus.

You can help with this by:

• assisting with setting shorter deadlines than actually required
• reassuring your co-worker there's no offence taken if they need to tune out with a personal audio-device to remove distractions
• co-ordinating workload check-ins to allow for bad days when the complex tasks seem impossible to complete; and
• remind them of your appreciation for the good work they put in time to time

5. Thinking out loud

Oh boy - this one has me hands down.

Ever had a hole in the clothes washing machine filter?.... There's always tiny specks of lint everywhere! like an exploded glitter canister - and the fans on high... Neither lint nor glitter being particularly easy to remove.?

Reflecting on the amount of 'word vomit' my internal filter bypasses, there's always the internal cringe followed, 'why did I say THAT?'

Usually, it's because my mind was having trouble processing information silently, internally, and the motor driving this body decided a much better idea would be to verbalise the partially composed response before it had been fact and sense checked.?

Just like lint or glitter...

it's very hard to alter another person's first formed impression of how low to high the bar is set for your everyday capability and performance.

When you can operate at a high performance quality level - better than predecessors some of the time, this then becomes the object of scrutiny for review, your 'deemed potential' on which now rests expectation.

When more time has passed, there's a pattern of repeated socially awkward moments, sloppy work presented or displays of out-of-character immaturity in between the high functioning proficiency you're depended on for.

I would describe this as consciously feeling the relationship dynamic slowly change from being esteemed as an equal; to treated as a disappointment, distrusted and perceived disinterest in my personal involvement and growth within the team.

For a neuro-divergent on the receiving end, the alienation becomes unbearable and the demotivation to participate frequently triggers the urge to job change, searching for a better place to fit in.

I challenge you to be aware of your everyday interactions at work for a week. Ask yourself:

• Do you favour conversations with particular people and not others because of common interests? Would changing where you sit allow you to get to know someone else better?
• Are you giving opportunities for all team members to have input of the discussion?
• Do you show non dismissive body language e.g. eye contact, engaged facial expressions (even when someone you may dislike is speaking)???
• Do you notice anyone who always seems to be on the outside of the bubble and make effort to ensure they feel welcome?
• Lastly if you yourself struggle with speaking candidly to peers, are you prepared to work on developing assertive communication to voice uncomfortable topics like experiencing exclusion, anxiety or signaling for needs not being met?

6. Emotional Leakage

Performance reviews are terrifying, that we can all agree on. Sitting in a one-way meeting where, someone else has decided on the areas of self-improvement you need is about as fun as a game of catch with a cactus.

For me they feel like school report day PTSD and here's why.

Emotional dysregulation;

Is the inability to control, and execute appropriate cognitive functions. It’s a commonly occurring trait with ADHD.?When triggered, positive and negative outbursts can be over exaggerated and intense emotional responses, tricky to bring back to base line.

We've all sympathised for that parent in the restaurant with a toddler. Stubbornly refusing to eat, or running between legs boisterously shrieking. We might feel slightly irritated at having our tranquillity disturbed... but secretly, grateful it's not our turn to carry the responsibility of guiding and nurturing that infant through this very normal childhood milestone, and we accept its place in development.

As an adult being sabotaged by your emotional dysregulation is a massive limitation working in a professional capacity, and I cannot advocate enough how distressing and undignified it is fighting for control of emotions around peers.

This might look like:

• avoiding eye contact and saying little when receiving negative feedback
• bursting into tears when struggling to articulate own position, frustrated or overwhelmed
• nervously laughing inappropriately when sprung with a serious situation
• avoiding direct confrontation with another person by starting a loud, heavy-handed and angry clean of objects within eye sight.
• speaking loudly and fast-paced when overly excited or passionate - oblivious to how this is disruptive and out of place; or
• redirecting attention away impulsively when embarrassed, self-conscious, targeted or shamed - e.g. defensively sharing the blame or interrupting the conversation to over-explain.

They aren't aimed at causing drama or intended to harm. It has taken me a long time to understand that altercations can be revisited and repaired when in a better position to manage my control of self.

By being conscious of these mood swings, if you experience this with someone in your own workplace and are in a position to calmly take charge of the situation, respectfully proposition a chat for a later time to follow up/continue.

Some neutrally scripted wording could sound like 'do you need more time before we continue with discussing this?', 'what did you mean when you said _____?' or 'how can I better understand what happened with______?'

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At the heart

I could fill several more pages with experiences and challenges that come with an overloaded brain always thinking about everything, all at once!

Mental illness/disability remains largely a systemic issue for inequality within workplaces. Not all disabilities in the workplace are physically visible and easily to detect.

I hope you have gained a small portion of perspective and value from this commentary.

I ask that you give pause to open mindedness - there's brains on different operating systems to yours; they are no less valuable to the team and can often surprise you with creative solutions to problems no one else has thought of.

Being undiagnosed or diagnosed late in life can significantly impact aspects of your professional work including; experiencing repeated knock backs for promotion without understanding why, or lacking the confidence to apply for senior roles.

Estrangement from peers and head-butting with managers often resulted in a cycle of underperformance, motivation loss, micromanagement and frequent shifts to new employment.?

Education, awareness, and empathy are all key elements for improving company culture and endorsing a no discrimination tolerance policy towards employees with neurological disorders. Share and be aware.

Ancillary notes

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Masking - is a form of copying behaviour to imitate social situations to avoid stigmatisation. Maskers might develop obsessive compulsive behaviours like sleeping with learning materials and other objects, so they aren’t forgotten/lost or becoming impatient and restless before appointments, arriving exceedingly early due to time blindness.

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Child modes - represent basic emotional needs of safety, acceptance, freedom of expression, play, own identity, and independence. 'Vulnerable' and Angry/Impulsive' child modes are schemas - negative thought patterns that develop when one or more of these needs consistently aren’t met.