My Confessions As An Ex-Networker:A Personal Take On Professional Relationships

Dear patient readers,

First, let me address the elephant in the room – or rather, the delay in my room. This article has been sitting in my drafts longer than leftover Diwali sweets in my fridge. Between navigating the festival season and jumping through time zones for work, and dealing with the year-end mayhem, this piece has been more delayed than the so called 'Winters' in Dubai.

But like that one relative who shows up hours late to a function with a perfectly rehearsed excuse, I bring along some insights and a story that has been marinating in my head for sometime.

Now, onto the actual story...

I remember my first networking event like it was yesterday – partly because of how memorably awkward it was. I was in my mid-20s, wearing a suit that screamed "first big purchase after salary," clutching a business card holder like my life depended on it, and rehearsing my elevator pitch in the bathroom mirror for the fifteenth time maybe.

"Hi, I'm Abhishek Dixit, and I'm passionate about leveraging synergies to optimize cross-functional collaborations." (By the way, nobody has ever gotten a job by using the word "synergies" in real life.)

My initial approach to networking was what I now like to call the "Pokemon Strategy" – I HAVE to catch them all! So, I hoarded on business cards, sent LinkedIn connections before they stepped out of the ballroom, and attended every event with "networking" in its description.

The results were not very encouraging, as, by then, I had a drawer full of business cards that I never looked at again, hundreds of LinkedIn connections who wouldn't recognize me if I danced in front of them, and a deep knowledge of hotel ballroom appetizers across the city.

The most interesting memory is the cast of characters I actually came across across these events. I have actually met every single one of them.

The Business Card Slider:

1. Manages to slip their card into your hand before you even notice.
2. This person is quite adept at scanning the room while pretending to listen.
3. Actually believes collecting 50 cards equals making 50 meaningful connections.

The Social Butterfly:

1. Updates their status, especially on LinkedIn during the event.
2. Takes selfies with random groups to show they are "networking".
3. Sends connection requests before you have even finished talking.

The Name-Dropper

1. Every story involves a CEO they know.
2. Casually mentions their "friend" who runs a Fortune 500 company.
3. Has apparently met every important person in the industry (but can't seem to remember their last names).

The Genuine Human

1. Rare species.
2. Actually listens when you speak.
3. Doesn't look over your shoulder for someone more important to talk to.

And what can I say about the numerous coffee chats that have drained my pockets in the early days. I have probably spent enough money on "quick coffee meetings" to have bought shares in Starbucks. The worst part is how they typically went:

"We should definitely collaborate!" (Translation: Let's never speak again.)

"Let's keep in touch!" (Translation: Until I need something.)

"This has been great!" (Translation: I've already forgotten your name.)

My moment of 'Happy realization' happened after an exhausting evening of what I call a "professional speed dating." I had collected 15 business cards, taken 3 LinkedIn profile photos with strangers, and eaten starters approximately half my body weight.

That's when I actually realized that I had been playing a numbers game in a world that runs on genuine connections.

The Real Lessons I Learnt In This Process

1. Quality Over Quantity - Any Day!

The best opportunities I've gotten came from actual conversations with real humans about real things. Like the time I bonded with a CEO over our shared appreciation for organically growing startups, or when I helped someone fix a technical glitch on their laptop during a conference break. These genuine moments led to real connections, which led to real opportunities.

2. The Best Networking Is NOT Networking

My most valuable professional relationships started when I wasn't trying to "network" at all:

• The person I sat next to at a boring training session.
• A fellow passenger in a delayed flight.
• Someone who randomly laughed at my terrible joke.

It turns out that being a normal human being beats being an unnatural networker every time.

3. Follow-Up Techniques That I Followed

Instead of sending generic "Great to meet you!" emails, I started following up with things that actually mattered - Articles relevant to our conversation, introductions they actually asked for, funny memes about our shared professional pain points and many more.

The New Rules I Live By

Rule #1: Be Genuinely Curious

I stopped asking, "What do you do?" and started asking, "What's the most interesting part of your work?" The differences in responses are amazing. People light up when they get to talk about what actually excites them, rather than sharing just their job title.

Rule #2: Add Value First

I stopped thinking "What can I get from this person?" and started asking myself, "What can I offer?" For me, even something as simple as a book recommendation or a relevant article has worked wonders. Other times, it's just being a good listener.

Rule #3: Quality Over Quantity

I would rather have five meaningful professional relationships than 500 connections who wouldn't respond to my messages. I have actually come across LinkedIn connections who I have genuinely helped in times of need, but never heard back from them when I asked for help.

Your Network is NOT Always Your Net Worth (If anyone wishes to debate that, I am up for it).

The Bottom Line

Once I stopped treating networking like a professional sport, my network grew stronger. Real relationships formed. Actual opportunities emerged. And I spent way less money on coffee.

These days, my approach to professional relationships is simple:

• Be human first, professional second.
• Listen more than you speak.
• Never eat more than three appetizers at any event (this is non-negotiable).
• Always remember that everyone is just figuring it out, one awkward networking event at a time.

Most importantly, I've learned that the best network is not the one that looks impressive on LinkedIn – it's the one that answers when you actually need help.

P.S. If you're reading this while hiding in the bathroom at a networking event, it's absolutely okay to leave. But don't forget to send a connection request on LinkedIn and hope to see you at the next event. Until then, Namaste! ;)